38+ Jay London Quotes On Education, Culture And Writing

Jay London is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is best known for his appearances on Last Comic Standing, where he was a semi-finalist in both seasons. He has also appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and Comedy Central Presents. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Jay London on education, culture, love.

Top 10 Jay London Quotes

1. I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
2. My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
3. My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
4. I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
5. I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
6. They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
7. I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
8. I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
9. A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
10. I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

Jay London Short Quotes

• I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
• I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
• A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
• Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
• I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
• I was born nine months premature.
• Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
• I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
• My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
• Do you know it was a year a ago today?

Jay London Quotes About Told

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. — Jay London

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time. — Jay London

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. — Jay London

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough. — Jay London

Jay London Quotes About Store

I saw a stationery store move. — Jay London

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. — Jay London

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger. — Jay London

Jay London Famous Quotes And Sayings

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. — Jay London

His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable. — Jay London

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else. — Jay London

I model irregular clothing. — Jay London

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. — Jay London

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. — Jay London

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? — Jay London

People read me but they don't subscribe. — Jay London

You know what burns me? Matches. — Jay London

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. — Jay London

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. — Jay London

Life Lessons by Jay London

1. Jay London teaches us to be confident in ourselves and to take risks in order to achieve our goals. He also emphasizes the importance of staying positive and having a good attitude in the face of adversity. Finally, he encourages us to be creative and to use humor to make the most of any situation.