What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

— Randy Glasbergen

The most blissful Randy Glasbergen quotes that are proven to give you inner joy

I learned about stress management from my kids.

Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.

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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.

If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

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I think men were destined to become homemakers.

After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

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Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

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He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

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These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.

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Thank you for calling customer service.

If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

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It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

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