When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

— Red Buttons

The most beautiful Red Buttons quotes that are proven to give you inner joy

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

35

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

32

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

26

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

23

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

23

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

22

Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!

19

Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner!

14

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

14

Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!

13

Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!

12

Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me.

Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner!

11

About Red Buttons

Quotes 95 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Comedian
Birthday October 16

John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!

11

Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!

11

Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!

10

William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's gotta be an easier way to kill worms. Never got a dinner!

10

Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!

10

Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.”

9

Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!

8

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.

T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!

8

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer! Never got a dinner!

8

Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!

8

The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!

8

Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!

7

Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!

7

Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!

6

Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.

5

King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner!

5

Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, Is all that for me? Never got a dinner!

5

Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!

4

Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!

3

Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!

3

John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!

3

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!

3

Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!

3

Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!

3

The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!

3

Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!

2

Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!

2

Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!

2

Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!

1

Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

1

Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!

0

Some of the most famous people in history never got a dinner!

0

The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner!

0

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!

0

Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner!

0

Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner!

0

Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!

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