A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. — Albert Einstein
Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows. — James Crumley
Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer. — Koko Taylor
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. — W. C. Fields
There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream. — Raymond Chandler
Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven, will the pubs never close? — Richard Thompson
A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hi, Mitt.' — Foster Friess
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis
When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality. — Al Capone
A theory that you can't explain to a bartender is probably no damn good. — Ernest Rutherford
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host. — Fred Allen
I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard. — Raymond Chandler
My entire social life is spent in bars, so I don't see giving up drinking as a viable option. Could you see me saying, 'Tomato juice please?' — Lemmy Kilmister
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. — Rodney Dangerfield
I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated. — Al McGuire
There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there. — Charles Bukowski
There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians I would number teachers, nurses, bookstore owners, and bartenders. — Jack McDevitt
A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. — Jim Bishop
They made it to the middle class, my dad working as a bartender and my mother as a cashier and a maid. I didn't inherit any money from them. But I inherited something far better - the real opportunity to accomplish my dreams. — Marco Rubio
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck." — Rodney Dangerfield
I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was. — Brandon Routh
I was a bartender in New York and I overheard this girl saying she made $3000 doing a commercial. A kid at work told me, 'Hey, I know this director and he'd really like you!'. So I walked into this guy's office and was like 'I was thinking maybe I could make $3000' and he hired me for commercials, short films, like 15 jobs in a row. — Pauley Perrette
.. the guitar is just a wonderful instrument. It's everything: a bartender, a psychiatrist, a housewife. It's everything, but it's elusive — Les Paul
Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist - whatever. — Les Paul
I toured Ontario in the winter of '48, in a touring company of The Drunkard, in which I played the bartender. — Jonathan Frid
A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what'll it be? The duck doesn't answer because it's a duck. — Jodi Picoult
If I go
Before I'm old
Oh, brother of mine
Please don't forget me if I go
Bartender, please
Fill my glass for me
With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free
After three days in the ground. — Dave Matthews
I remember back in Detroit, I used to go to the Apex Bar every night after I got off work. The bartender there used to call me Boom Boom. I don't know why, but he did. — John Lee Hooker
This guitar is such a pal. It's a psychiatrist. It's a doggone bartender. It's a housewife. This guy is everything. Whenever I find that I've got a problem, I'll go pick my guitar up and play. It's the greatest pal in the whole world. — Les Paul
Both of my parents were born into poor families on the island of Cuba. They came to America because it was the only place where people like them could have a chance.My father was a bartender. And the journey from the back of that bar to the [election 2016], to me, that is the essence of the American dream. — Marco Rubio
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. — Todd Barry
I was frustrated because I couldn't get going, as I was trying to figure out how to make films. I had various jobs, I taught a SAT class, I was a bartender, I had a day job at an office and was making short films. — David O. Russell
I believe that in your heart you already know something is profoundly wrong. When bartenders are responsible for drunk drivers' acts, and gunmakers are responsible for criminals' acts, and nobody is responsible for O. J. Simpson's acts, something is wrong. — Charlton Heston
He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn't see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet. — Joseph Mitchell
Usability is not everything. If usability engineers designed a nightclub, it would be clean, quiet, brightly lit, with lots of places to sit down, plenty of bartenders, menus written in 18-point sans-serif, and easy-to-find bathrooms. But nobody would be there. They would all be down the street at Coyote Ugly pouring beer on each other. — Joel Spolsky
...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. — Rodney Dangerfield
I want to be a superhero. Maybe I'll be a bartending superhero who shakes martinis to save the world. — Shanola Hampton
In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar. — Zach Braff
My parents were working class folks. My dad was a bartender for most of his life, my mom was a maid and a cashier and a stock clerk at WalMart. We were not people of financial means in terms of significant financial means. I always told them, 'I didn't always have what I wanted. I always had what I needed.' My parents always provided that. — Marco Rubio
Placing a wedge of lime in the neck of a Corona bottle helps sell those beers. And where did that ritual come from? One story has it that two bartenders in California were curious how fast a ritual could spread. Astonishingly fast, they discovered. — Martin Lindstrom
A Catholic priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a Muslim mullah all walk into a bar, and the bartender says:
- What is this, a joke?
- Сhurch is the only organization that exists primarily for the benefit of non-members. — C. S. Lewis
I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred? — Karen Marie Moning
In Conclusion
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