I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.— Jenny Eclair
The most promising Jenny Eclair quotes that may be undiscovered and unusual
People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.
After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.
Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.
I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.
I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.
I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.
Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.
I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.
I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.
I'm very jealous of my daughter's education.
She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.
As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed.
It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
I am best viewed from a distance.
I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.
I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.
I've never been prudish.
I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.
The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.
I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.
I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face
I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.
As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.
The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level.
Convince yourself before you go that the weather's going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You'll then be pleasantly surprised.
If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.
I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.
I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.
I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.
I can't watch other people doing comedy.
As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
I'm the least spiritual person in the world.
I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.