64+ Spike Milligan Quotes On Death, Birthdays And Marriage

Spike Milligan was an Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet and playwright. He is best known for his work with the BBC radio programme The Goon Show, which he co-wrote and performed in from 1951 to 1960. He was one of the most influential British comedians of the 20th century, and was known for his surreal humour and nonsense poetry. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Spike Milligan on death, birthdays, marriage.

Top 10 Spike Milligan Quotes

1. Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
2. I can speak Esperanto like a native.
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
4. All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
5. How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
6. Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
7. Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?
8. My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
9. I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
10. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Spike Milligan Image Quotes

I can speak Esperanto like a native. — Spike Milligan

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex. — Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. — Spike Milligan

Spike Milligan Short Quotes

• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
• Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!
• I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
• Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
• In the human race today, you came last.
• Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
• We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
• I'm a hero with coward's legs.
• Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan Quotes About Funny

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. — Spike Milligan

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. — Spike Milligan

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. — Spike Milligan

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost. — Spike Milligan

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs. — Spike Milligan

One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be? — Spike Milligan

Spike Milligan Famous Quotes And Sayings

I can speak Esperanto like a native. — Spike Milligan

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex. — Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. — Spike Milligan

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. — Spike Milligan

If a robin redbreast in a cage Puts all heaven in a rage, How feels heaven when Dies the billionth battery hen? — Spike Milligan

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife. — Spike Milligan

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part. — Spike Milligan

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic. — Spike Milligan

Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently — Spike Milligan

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light — Spike Milligan

Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg. — Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions. — Spike Milligan

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States. — Spike Milligan

A lot of learning canbe a little thing. — Spike Milligan

Only on the third class tourist class passengers' deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things. — Spike Milligan

To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral. — Spike Milligan

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone) — Spike Milligan

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much. — Spike Milligan

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse — Spike Milligan

If you kill me, I promise you - you will never take me alive. — Spike Milligan

God made nightButMan made darkness. — Spike Milligan

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they're ever so small That's why rain is thin. — Spike Milligan

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart. — Spike Milligan

Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant — Spike Milligan

I told you I was sick. — Spike Milligan

I'm Irish. We think sideways — Spike Milligan

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up. — Spike Milligan

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A. — Spike Milligan

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush — Spike Milligan

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it. — Spike Milligan

General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me. — Spike Milligan

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong! — Spike Milligan

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. — Spike Milligan

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it's meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in — Spike Milligan

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson. — Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. — Spike Milligan

On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong! — Spike Milligan

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. — Spike Milligan

We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong. — Spike Milligan

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon. — Spike Milligan

Its all in the mind, you know. — Spike Milligan

Life Lessons by Spike Milligan

1. Life is too short to take yourself too seriously; it's important to be able to laugh at yourself and the world around you.
2. Don't be afraid to take risks and try new things; even if you fail, you can learn valuable lessons from the experience.
3. Embrace the unexpected and be open to the possibilities that life presents; you never know what might come your way.