A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!— Henny Youngman
Risky Barber quotations
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
To make a fine gentleman, several trades are required, but chiefly a barber.
Being a barber is about taking care of the people.
Colloquial poetry is to the real art as the barber's wax dummy is to sculpture.
I did study the art of being a barber because I wanted to figure out what my routine would be. Do you start in the front or back? Top or bottom? Swivel the chair or walk around? What I did discover is there's no such thing as the perfect haircut!
Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a hair cut.
Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
Like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks.
My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.
Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!
A barber is by nature and inclination a sport.
He can tell you at what exact hour the ball game is to begin, can foretell its issue without losing a stroke of the razor, and can explain the points of inferiority of all the players, as compared with the better men that he has personally seen elsewhere, with the nicety of a professional.
If you keep walking past the barbers, eventually you'll get a haircut.
I must to the barber's, monsieur, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face.
You can find out a lot sitting in the barber's.
I don't have any beauty shop memories. I remember the barber shop.
No barber shaves so close but another finds worke.
Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole.
When you go into your customary barber shop, you will wait for the man who gives you a little better shave, a little trimmer hair-cut. Business leaders are looking for the same things in their offices that you look for in the barber shop.
When beggars and shoeshine boys, barbers and beauticians can tell you how to get rich it is time to remind yourself that there is no more dangerous illusion than the belief that one can get something for nothing.
A barber lathers a man before he shaves him.
I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.
If you teach a poor young man to shave himself, and keep his razor in order, you may contribute more to the happiness of his life than in giving him a thousand guineas.
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
The killing of everyone was the easy part, the most difficult part was lathering them up and shaving them, that's the part that freaked me out the most.
Long hair minimizes the need for barbers;
socks can be done without; one leather jacket solves the coat problem for many years; suspenders are superfluous.
I've had the same barber since I was about 14 years old.
Learn to take losses quickly and cleanly.
There is something about inside information which seems to paralyze a man's reasoning powers. Beware of barbers, beauticians, waiters - or anyone - bringing gifts of 'inside' information or tips. Don't try to be a jack of all investment. Stick to the field you know best.
Every small town has its dramatic group, its barber-shop quartet, every home has music in one form or another.
Right at the end of the war I wrote a piano sonata, which was written at a time when Sam Barber used to come down here and we used to have lunch together in a very nice old hotel that's now not there.
Sometimes I have better relationships with my barber then with people who are into cinema from an upper class.
This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all.
I do believe that you have to bring some degree of truth from yourself to the role [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street ]in and I'll admit it here, I have shaved a grown man before. I have done it. And it wasn't Tim [Burton].
Processions, cavalcades, and all that fund of gay frippery, furnished out by tailors, barbers, and tire-women, mechanically influence the mind into veneration; an emperor in his nightcap would not meet with half the respect of an emperor with a crown.