Al Franken Quotes

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.

They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

Whining is anger through a small opening.

I want a president who can handle a cream soda.

Does the mainstream media have a liberal bias? On a couple of things, maybe.

Compared to the American public at large, probably a slightly higher percentage of journalists, because of thier enhanced power of discernment, realize they know a gay person or two, and are, therefore, less frightened of them.

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. 'It's a job, Al,' Guy told me. 'We work at it every day.'

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

I think if you're going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit, that he armed the Mujahideen, that he armed Saddam, that he armed Iran, that he armed two-thirds of the Axis of Evil, and that he funded terrorists in Central America. He was, in my mind, a terrible president.

It's not preppies, cause I'm a preppie myself.

I just don't like homosexuals. If you ask me, they're all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.

During the Reagan Administration, Bob Dole was present at a ceremony that included each living ex-president. Looking at a tableau of Ford, Carter and Nixon, Dole said, 'There they are: Hear No Evil, See No Evil and Evil.'

The crash of 2008 was driven in no small part by unfair practices in the mortgage industry which led to many consumers being trapped in loans they didn't understand and couldn't afford.

If you control the flow of information, you can control the conversation around important issues. If you can control the conversation, you can change this country.

All concluded that Russia did in fact interfere in the 2016 election in order to, quote, help President-elect Trump's election chances when possible by discrediting Secretary Clinton. And the agencies concluded that the Russians had a clear preference for President Trump.

We know that the Russian's interfered in our election and they did it to benefit President Trump. The intelligence agencies confirmed that.

Well, I think that there's a value to comedy in and of itself.

Being a comedian, you're under pressure.

You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.

Liberals don't hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.

I had a great time working on the movies, both the major movies I've done.

I've had a great time. I like the people in Hollywood a lot.

Russia has a strategy of creating the conditions that give rise to corruption, then exploiting that corruption to its own benefit.

I'm a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I'll never stop.

There's going to have to be investigations, and an independent investigation, into the Trump campaign and the Trump administration's relationship to Russia.

We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way. You see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad. Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and helping your loved one grow.

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.

We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.

Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers...Rush Limbaugh is what I call a disinfotainer. He entertains by spreading disinformation.

There are as many forms of advice as there are colors of the rainbow. Remember that good advice can come from bad people and bad advice from good people. The important thing about advice is that it is simply that. Advice.

One thing I've noticed about politics is that these guys have pretty thick hides.

We need an investigation, because we don't know what Donald Trump owes Russia. We don't know how many Russian oligarchs have invested in his business.

If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want. You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.

Russia has cultivated an opaque network of patronage across the region that it uses to influence and direct decision- making.

Putin has had many positive experiences working with Western political leaders whose business interests made them more disposed to deal with Russia.

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it.

Skepticism turns to cynicism, which leads to apathy and despair, which can cause sleeplessness, dry-mouth, and loss of sex drive?

He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.

Google might be doping the horses.

It's really building Air America that I'm focused on, and for me, that almost only means doing a good show.

Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus. I might think they use a little bit too much oil; some people might think it's a little dry. But the problem with al Qaeda is they want to kill us. And the problem with the mainstream media is that it has these other biases that are much more important.

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!