When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.— Carlos Mencia
The most fulfilling Carlos Mencia quotes that will transform you to a better person
If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.
I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.
Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded.
It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!
Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.
I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.
My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.
We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?
God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.
Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.
America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.
If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That's why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.
Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.
When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.
I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy.
When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.
When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.
The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.
If God made Adam and Eve, they had children.
.. wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
I don't want to spend my time thinking about somebody else, I want to spend my time just being me and embracing life and living it and being there. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my words and my thoughts and that's how I live.
Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.
I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.
If you aren't laughing, you aren't living!
If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole.
In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican.
In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I'm an Eskimo.
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.
It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open.
.. I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.
I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great
That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!
Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think.
I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.
When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people.
When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.
I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!
In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men.
All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.
I never, nor will I, put another person down to feel better about myself.
I will live and die by what I do, not what anyone else thinks about me.
I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to.
The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.
At the end of the day, I don't think I am going to be judged by what happened in the 90's and 2000's, at the end of the day my career will be judged from beginning to end and everything in between.
We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia.
I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.
Do not encourage my behaviour.
As the artist, you have to live in order to experience life to put that out there, and when you are successful in America and in the world, your point of view is the 5% and not the 95%, but you have to represent the 95% so you have to find a way to experience life the way they do.
When I go onstage, I don't know what I'm going to say.
I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. It's one of those questions where any and everything is possible. I literally could be talking about somebody I was hanging out with two seconds ago or something from the news. Literally, there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I want to be free flowing like that.
People want to complain... my point especially when it comes to racial humor is... we have that diversity, so I don't look at it like we are making fun of people, I look at it as how awesome is it that we can talk about this stuff, that we do have this kind of diversity, that we do live in a country that shows an array, unlike any other in the world.
Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.