110+ Greg Behrendt Quotes On Education, Liz Tuccillo And Funny

Greg Behrendt is an American stand-up comedian, author, and television consultant. He is best known for co-authoring the best-selling book He's Just Not That Into You and for his role as a consultant on the HBO series Sex and the City. He has also written several other books and appeared in various television shows. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Greg Behrendt on leadership, life, education.

Top 10 Greg Behrendt Quotes

1. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves
2. We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
3. It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.
4. Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.
5. The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
6. Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
7. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.
8. The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.
9. I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
10. People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.

Greg Behrendt Short Quotes

• Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
• Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.
• Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.
• I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!
• I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
• If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
• Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
• I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.
• Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
• My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

Greg Behrendt Quotes About Life

You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith. — Greg Behrendt

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you — Greg Behrendt

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning — Greg Behrendt

If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head-on, you'll find it begins to move on after a while. — Greg Behrendt

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. — Greg Behrendt

It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself. — Greg Behrendt

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it. — Greg Behrendt

The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive. — Greg Behrendt

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. — Greg Behrendt

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you? — Greg Behrendt

Greg Behrendt Quotes About Love

Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside. — Greg Behrendt

Beware of the word 'friend'. It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep. — Greg Behrendt

I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right. — Greg Behrendt

Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear. — Greg Behrendt

I believe in love the verb, not the noun. — Greg Behrendt

He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family—especially when they’re great. — Greg Behrendt

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. — Greg Behrendt

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. — Greg Behrendt

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus. — Greg Behrendt

I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship. — Greg Behrendt

Greg Behrendt Famous Quotes And Sayings

If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is. — Greg Behrendt

There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree. — Greg Behrendt

If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you. — Greg Behrendt

I don't know" means "NO!" "I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation." "I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have. — Greg Behrendt

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to. — Greg Behrendt

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company. — Greg Behrendt

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. — Greg Behrendt

There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account. — Greg Behrendt

Be yourself. If something you do doesn't work, don't do it the next time. Listen to yourself - you know what appropriate behavior is. — Greg Behrendt

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts. — Greg Behrendt

A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it. — Greg Behrendt

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica? — Greg Behrendt

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates. — Greg Behrendt

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep. — Greg Behrendt

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly. — Greg Behrendt

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him. — Greg Behrendt

Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. — Greg Behrendt

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend. — Greg Behrendt

The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want. — Greg Behrendt

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart. — Greg Behrendt

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake. — Greg Behrendt

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself. — Greg Behrendt

He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired. — Greg Behrendt

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book. — Greg Behrendt

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play. — Greg Behrendt

Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there. What other choice is there? — Greg Behrendt

The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you. — Greg Behrendt

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would. — Greg Behrendt

The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you. — Greg Behrendt

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less. — Greg Behrendt

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you. — Greg Behrendt

Don't waste the pretty — Greg Behrendt

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People. — Greg Behrendt

I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh. — Greg Behrendt

big plans require big action — Greg Behrendt

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. — Greg Behrendt

Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep. — Greg Behrendt

You already have one asshole, you don't need another one — Greg Behrendt

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. — Greg Behrendt

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out. — Greg Behrendt

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating. — Greg Behrendt

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh. — Greg Behrendt

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric. — Greg Behrendt

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of. — Greg Behrendt

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.) — Greg Behrendt

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes. — Greg Behrendt

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down. — Greg Behrendt

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk. — Greg Behrendt

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all. — Greg Behrendt

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine. — Greg Behrendt

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself — Greg Behrendt

Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work. — Greg Behrendt

If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. — Greg Behrendt

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. — Greg Behrendt

But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation — Greg Behrendt

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do. — Greg Behrendt

...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person. — Greg Behrendt

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time? — Greg Behrendt

It is in that moment, when you really lay down your cards and see the relationship for what it was, that you'll find the freedom to kick it in the ass and let it go. — Greg Behrendt

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust. — Greg Behrendt

Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you. — Greg Behrendt

He doesn't need to be reminded you're great. — Greg Behrendt

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend — Greg Behrendt

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback. — Greg Behrendt

It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry. — Greg Behrendt

Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time — Greg Behrendt

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships. — Greg Behrendt

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book. — Greg Behrendt

Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you. — Greg Behrendt

My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening. — Greg Behrendt

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. — Greg Behrendt

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves. — Greg Behrendt

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing. — Greg Behrendt

I'm fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself. — Greg Behrendt

Good enough to tweet, not to say. — Greg Behrendt

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it! — Greg Behrendt

You are not easily forgotten. — Greg Behrendt

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day. — Greg Behrendt

Always be classy. Never be crazy. — Greg Behrendt

Life Lessons by Greg Behrendt

1. Greg Behrendt teaches that it is important to be confident in yourself and to take risks in order to achieve success.
2. He also emphasizes the importance of being honest and authentic, and to not be afraid to speak your truth.
3. Finally, he encourages people to be open to learning and growing, and to never give up on their dreams.