A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves

— Greg Behrendt

The most unconventional Greg Behrendt quotes that are easy to memorize and remember

If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.


Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.


There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.


You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated.

Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.


We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.


If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind.

If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.


I don't know" means "NO!" "I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation." "I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.


It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.


Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.


It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.


Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.


The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!


About Greg Behrendt

Quotes 147 sayings
Profession Stand-up comedian
Birthday July 21, 1963

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world.

The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.


Beware of the word 'friend'. It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.


The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.


Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.


I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.


Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.


We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side.

Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you


One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning


Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike.

They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.


I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.


People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.


Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.


Be yourself. If something you do doesn't work, don't do it the next time. Listen to yourself - you know what appropriate behavior is.


If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head-on, you'll find it begins to move on after a while.


There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.


Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?


A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.


Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.


Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs.

On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.


Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.


I believe in love the verb, not the noun.


Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.


There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.


We have become a sloppy bunch of people.

We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.


I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.


So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.


There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.


Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.


Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.


Turning a breakup into a break-over .

.. We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.


He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.


It`s your version of whatever that is.

We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.


I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.

' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.


Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.


Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.


Always be classy. Never be crazy.


People say get a job doing something you love.

So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.

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