110+ Sarah Silverman Quotes On Jesus, Funny And Witty

Sarah Silverman is an American stand-up comedian, actress, producer, and writer. She is known for her satirical comedy, which often features observations of contemporary American culture. Silverman has starred in several films, including School of Rock, Wreck-It Ralph, and A Million Ways to Die in the West. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Sarah Silverman on jesus, funny, witty.

Top 10 Sarah Silverman Quotes

1. I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.
2. I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
3. Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
4. Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.
5. They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
6. I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
7. I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.
8. I really think everything is fair game.
9. Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.
10. I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.

Sarah Silverman Short Quotes

• That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
• I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.
• I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.
• I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
• Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
• I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
• In the big picture, life has a gap in it. It just does. You don't go crazy trying to fill it.
• I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.
• You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.
• I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.

Sarah Silverman Quotes About Jesus

I didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus. — Sarah Silverman

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something. — Sarah Silverman

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic! — Sarah Silverman

I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. — Sarah Silverman

If my Catholic boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that Mommy is one of God's chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic! — Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman Quotes About Funny

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time. — Sarah Silverman

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way". — Sarah Silverman

The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager. — Sarah Silverman

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me. — Sarah Silverman

I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse. — Sarah Silverman

I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it. — Sarah Silverman

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough. — Sarah Silverman

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. — Sarah Silverman

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days. — Sarah Silverman

It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, "I like your dress," and they'll go "(bleep) you!" Or I say something serious and they go, "Oh, yeah, ha-ha." They're strangers. They're people who know me from comedy, but luckily I am on pretty much all the time! — Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman Quotes About Talk

My dad was a bedwetter; I think his dad was a bedwetter. I like to talk about it because it's something that I thought would be my deepest, darkest secret my whole life, and then you become an adult, and it's not. — Sarah Silverman

I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions. — Sarah Silverman

Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it. — Sarah Silverman

Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I'm white; I didn't grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I'm a member of the world. — Sarah Silverman

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion. — Sarah Silverman

You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage. — Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman Quotes About Shock

I grew up in a house where there were no taboos, so it came originally from a pretty innocent place, where I was shocked at the things that shocked people. — Sarah Silverman

When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since. — Sarah Silverman

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. — Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman Famous Quotes And Sayings

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school. — Sarah Silverman

Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!' — Sarah Silverman

The sun shines directly on this great country, and it can be harvested, it's not owned by anybody. It's something the Jews and the Palestinians share and could work together to make the whole world a better place, not just this Middle East stuff, but the whole world. — Sarah Silverman

Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes. — Sarah Silverman

Take lots of time for yourself, discovering yourself-pursue not only a profession but other life passions, I always make time to rock climb or hike or write a few short stories. Also, find good people and surround yourself with them. Most importantly, always believe you will, unequivocally. — Sarah Silverman

People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again. — Sarah Silverman

Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it. — Sarah Silverman

What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich. — Sarah Silverman

I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices. — Sarah Silverman

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am. — Sarah Silverman

People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer. — Sarah Silverman

People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience. — Sarah Silverman

I can only speak from my own experience, and I would say that the depression I experienced feels like a chemical change. When it came over me, when it comes over me, it feels like it's coming over me like a flu. — Sarah Silverman

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live. — Sarah Silverman

I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not totally paralyzed, and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis - and emotionally and really kind of almost physically. — Sarah Silverman

You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you're instructed to make people laugh and please them, you're too resentful to do it. — Sarah Silverman

As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. I covered it with being funny and tough, but it's hard to be tough when you're making your cot in your bunk over soaking wet sheets and acting like nobody can smell anything. — Sarah Silverman

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness. — Sarah Silverman

Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up. — Sarah Silverman

You can be Hitler and go to confession and say forgive me, Father, I killed six million Jews, and the priest would just be like no problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler goes to heaven. — Sarah Silverman

Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality. — Sarah Silverman

I’ve always had dreams. When I was little, I’d go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies. — Sarah Silverman

I've always kept my overhead low so I could do whatever I want. I think of myself as lazy with spurts of getting a lot done. I find myself rooting against things sometimes because I get excited at the thought of a clean slate. — Sarah Silverman

I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass. — Sarah Silverman

I tend to be more arrogant on stage. Far more ignorant. I sometimes say what I think and sometimes say the opposite of what I think and the lines get blurred, but I can only hope that some kind of absolute power transcends. — Sarah Silverman

I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me. — Sarah Silverman

I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture. — Sarah Silverman

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping. — Sarah Silverman

I don't really like saying "the gays"... I'm not sure why. I suppose I say "the Jews." but I don't say "the blacks." I guess because I'm a Jew for all intents and purposes and to group people together of which I am not one in such a casual way feels disrespectful. — Sarah Silverman

If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding. — Sarah Silverman

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. — Sarah Silverman

If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean. — Sarah Silverman

People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time. — Sarah Silverman

Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. — Sarah Silverman

I can see myself adopting. I'm not in a rush to do it. I'm 39, I know, but I do love kids, and I'm very good - I've got a lot of really good moves. — Sarah Silverman

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty. — Sarah Silverman

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies. — Sarah Silverman

Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!" — Sarah Silverman

Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you. — Sarah Silverman

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do. — Sarah Silverman

I think that whenever a Jew has any kind of notoriety, good or bad, the Jews find it to be good. — Sarah Silverman

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks. — Sarah Silverman

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart. — Sarah Silverman

My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!" — Sarah Silverman

Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed. — Sarah Silverman

I do love the idea of ritual. — Sarah Silverman

Scientology is weird because it's new. — Sarah Silverman

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion. — Sarah Silverman

That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive. — Sarah Silverman

I'm a total one-hour drama addict. I think when you're a comedian, you tend towards dramas because that's the less stressful thing to watch. — Sarah Silverman

Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are. — Sarah Silverman

I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world. — Sarah Silverman

When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by. — Sarah Silverman

If I have kids, I'll adopt. — Sarah Silverman

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl. — Sarah Silverman

I like my life alone. — Sarah Silverman

I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit. — Sarah Silverman

Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know? — Sarah Silverman

Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown. — Sarah Silverman

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now. — Sarah Silverman

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. — Sarah Silverman

I don't want to deconstruct what I do. — Sarah Silverman

I was Minnie Mouse for Halloween, every year when I was little. Then, I had the Cinderella nightgown, when I was really little, that I begged my mother to wear to school. I was also Snow White a lot. — Sarah Silverman

Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of "offensive." Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive? — Sarah Silverman

As soon as a women gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under a rock. — Sarah Silverman

I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show. — Sarah Silverman

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. — Sarah Silverman

One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less." — Sarah Silverman

When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach. — Sarah Silverman

You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to. — Sarah Silverman

Sometimes I am screwing around, and sometimes I get way too serious, but I am a pretty sincere person. — Sarah Silverman

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life. — Sarah Silverman

Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated — Sarah Silverman

We deserve quality lives with equality. — Sarah Silverman

I'd love to do drama if it was interesting. — Sarah Silverman

If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out with comic friends - or bringing a basic idea on stage and seeing if it goes anywhere. — Sarah Silverman

It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it. — Sarah Silverman

Life Lessons by Sarah Silverman

1. Sarah Silverman's work demonstrates the power of humor and satire to challenge societal norms and spark meaningful conversations.
2. Her willingness to confront difficult topics and push boundaries encourages viewers to think critically and question their own beliefs.
3. By using her platform to speak out on issues like racism and sexism, Silverman encourages her audience to stand up for what they believe in and fight for justice.