110+ Janeane Garofalo Quotes On Seinfeld, Snl And King Of Queens

Janeane Garofalo is an American comedian, actress, political activist, and writer. She rose to national prominence in the 1990s with her stand-up comedy and roles in films such as Reality Bites and The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Her television roles include The Larry Sanders Show and 24, as well as a starring role in the short-lived NBC sitcom The West Wing. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Janeane Garofalo on love, seinfeld, snl.

Top 10 Janeane Garofalo Quotes

1. Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
2. I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
3. Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.
4. To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.
5. Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
6. It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.
7. When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'
8. This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
9. Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.
10. I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Janeane Garofalo Short Quotes

• I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything.
• Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
• You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
• Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.
• I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.
• Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.
• The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.
• Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.
• I'm not a big fan of the comics competing against each other.
• ... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

Janeane Garofalo Quotes About Peace

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement. — Janeane Garofalo

I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive. — Janeane Garofalo

How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American? — Janeane Garofalo

Janeane Garofalo Famous Quotes And Sayings

The reason a person is a republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that's science - that's neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. — Janeane Garofalo

Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing. — Janeane Garofalo

Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher. — Janeane Garofalo

I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that's a good thing. — Janeane Garofalo

It is not crazy to think that powerful people do some pretty horrible things. And maybe they get out of hand. Maybe it just gets away from them. It snowballs. — Janeane Garofalo

To a right-winger, unions are awful. Why do right-wingers hate unions? Because collective bargaining is the power that a worker has against the corporation. Right-wingers hate that. — Janeane Garofalo

Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. — Janeane Garofalo

There's always [on women's magazines] that great photo of the actress or model lifting up her shirt just to show you the bone structure and the six-pack of her own. It's almost like when horses are auctioned and they show you their teeth. 'Am I good enough?' — Janeane Garofalo

How long do we have to deal with conservative failure? How long? Thirty years is not enough? So I would say enough with that, and I would say check out the Center for American Progress, and the writings by Patrick Garofalo, economic guru. That's what I would say. — Janeane Garofalo

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest. — Janeane Garofalo

Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things! — Janeane Garofalo

The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views. — Janeane Garofalo

I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun. — Janeane Garofalo

The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm not religious anymore, but I think it's like papal infallibility, which is a ridiculous man-made tenet, like what I believe most religious tenets to be, are man-made after the fact. — Janeane Garofalo

He [God] just seems so man-made to me. There are so many theories, and not everyone can be right. It's human nature to need a religious crutch, and I don't begrudge anyone that. I just don't need one. — Janeane Garofalo

Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the young people. They don't have the debilitating self-loathing and the second guessing. — Janeane Garofalo

But let me ask you this though, first and foremost: who's your favorite Spice Girl? Mine is Sporty Spice and I'll tell you why. You know what? She might not be as aesthetically pleasant as the rest but she'll do a backflip and steal your heart. — Janeane Garofalo

Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? Anyway, there's this part that goes: if equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving one be me. Have you ever read that one? It's one of my favorites. — Janeane Garofalo

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma. — Janeane Garofalo

I hate high fashion. I hate that we reward people for being genetic freaks. You hear the guys announcing the runway shows saying, 'A pretty face is your best asset this season.' And what? Ugly girls had a free ride last year? — Janeane Garofalo

I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle. — Janeane Garofalo

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. — Janeane Garofalo

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now. — Janeane Garofalo

Irrational crushes, infatuations, or obsessions. Whatever you want to label it, it's important to reach out to others. — Janeane Garofalo

Anthony Weiner deserves to be supported and hopefully he will be mayor of New York one day. I'm serious. He is a Democrat [who] actually fights for the things liberals and progressive and rational people care about. I don't know why he's being thrown under the bus. He hasn't done any - he hasn't broke any laws. — Janeane Garofalo

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it. — Janeane Garofalo

I would tell the Democrats in Washington who are trying to be civil with the "bipartisanship" to please stop and let the joker die once and for all, let the agents of chaos hit the pavement, stop picking them up. — Janeane Garofalo

There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. — Janeane Garofalo

Until as women we all say, No! We are not going to starve ourselves, nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men. — Janeane Garofalo

My hell is going to be the stairmaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they're gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke style. — Janeane Garofalo

I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day. — Janeane Garofalo

Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms. — Janeane Garofalo

There is no blacklist. In the first place, in the entertainment business, money talks, bullshit walks. So Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins won't be blacklisted because they are bankable stars. In the second place, if you are a woman, the only things you're going to be blacklisted for in Hollywood are body fat and aging. — Janeane Garofalo

I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together. — Janeane Garofalo

We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men. — Janeane Garofalo

I wound up getting a lot of other opportunities in the nineties, and then sort of as quickly as it started, it just as quickly ended around 2001. And so yeah, I'd love to continue acting but it's just not up to me. — Janeane Garofalo

Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way. — Janeane Garofalo

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl. — Janeane Garofalo

There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together.' — Janeane Garofalo

Nothing translates worse than comedy into the printed word. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy. — Janeane Garofalo

I feel bad that people think that "feminism" is a dirty word. I don't understand that at all, I'm proud to be labeled a feminist. I consider myself a person who has throughout my entire life stood up for myself. It's never been my ambition to be someone who takes a backseat to anything. I'm not a male basher at all. I divide people into assholes and non-assholes, and that's genderless. I encounter sexism everyday. — Janeane Garofalo

I think that by staying out of shape at the age of 33 I'm doing myself a huge favor for my future. There will never be anyone commenting on how I've 'let myself go.' I've gone. It's gone. It's not going, it's GONE. — Janeane Garofalo

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!" — Janeane Garofalo

Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage. — Janeane Garofalo

I make jewelry occasionally. I'm not a hobbyist. I'm a reader, I'm a lover of books, I like to watch movies, but mostly a lot of nothing. I'm quite content doing very little. — Janeane Garofalo

I would say that, unfortunately, the word liberal has been redefined over the last 30 years as if it is a bad thing. But liberalism is a great American philosophy. Being a liberal is one of the best things you can be. I don't think they get a fair shake at all in the conservative mainstream media. So maybe there's some intimidation there. — Janeane Garofalo

Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political. — Janeane Garofalo

He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled. — Janeane Garofalo

Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why exactly. — Janeane Garofalo

I think people are very cynical with actors trying to tell them what to believe in, or lobbying for any kind of changing of government policy. Even I get cynical about it. Like, Why is Sharon Stone telling me this? And there's just something annoying about having Charlie Sheen tell me, "It's your responsibility to vote," in an admonishing way on MTV. — Janeane Garofalo

If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions. — Janeane Garofalo

I was too ignorant to realize, "Oh, this will be difficult." — Janeane Garofalo

The right, like Pat Buchanan and Rush Limbauggh, use women and the black man and the Hispanic immigrant and the gay man as a scapgoat for society's ills. They pretend it's about traditional family values, but that's a bullshit phrase that means nothing to me. They like to use us all. They use pro-life as a way to hate women and slam women, dressed up in the nobility of saving unborn fetuses. I think it's just misogyny. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm almost 46. You become no longer even regarded in a sexual way. As you get older you're just taken out of that realm. So it's not anything that particularly confronts me very much at all. — Janeane Garofalo

Well I don't know what the city of Hollywood knows about foreign policy, but do I know that a lot of people do learn and educate themselves about policy and I don't have to be a policy expert to know that this will be a disaster. — Janeane Garofalo

You know what is good about these Dixie Chicks burnings or bashings? It's a wonderful, wonderful way for really stupid people to hook up. They meet, they throw some things on the fire, they talk about Vin Diesel, they tell stories about who their favorite Fox anchor is, they exchange phone numbers and in some cases has led to marriages. — Janeane Garofalo

You know George W. Bush is a war-time president, he says - proudly. Guess what. War is failure! When you are at war, you have failed! When you have gone to a war of choice and lied about it, you're a double-triple, triple-quadruple failure! Or a warlord. It's called a warlord in other countries. A war time president here. One man's ceiling I guess is another man's floor. George Bush is a warlord. He's a failure! — Janeane Garofalo

I did not support Operation Desert Fox. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't hate myself, as a general rule. I'd say the best way to describe it is that I have moments of self-loathing at fairly regular intervals. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't think that the administration is being particularly honest with the American people about what this is going to cost in life and in dollars, what the dangers are, retaliatory strikes, once it happens. This is not a war that needs to happen immediately, if ever. — Janeane Garofalo

All roads lead to my dogs, don't they? — Janeane Garofalo

Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back. — Janeane Garofalo

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say that the Bush Administration has been good for America. — Janeane Garofalo

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don`t want to have children. — Janeane Garofalo

So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't know who you're referring to exactly who said, 'What has Iraq done to us?' — Janeane Garofalo

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.' — Janeane Garofalo

You have to have a lot more dedication to what I'll call 'the machine,' ... I have 20 percent dedication. What's needed is 110 percent. You can't have it with the level of apathy I have. — Janeane Garofalo

The inked fingers and the position of them, which is gonna be a 'Daily Show' photo already, of them signaling in this [Nazi salute] manner, as if they have solidarity with the Iraqis who braved physical threats against their lives to vote as if somehow these inked-fingered Republicans have something to do with that. — Janeane Garofalo

Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting. — Janeane Garofalo

I despise in others my own characteristics. — Janeane Garofalo

Sometimes there's a lot of tangents because I forget what I'm going to say so much. Sometimes there's very little tangents and stuff for some reason, and then some nights it's all tangents and I can't find my way, and then sometimes I wind up just talking about something completely extemporaneously and then never mention it again ever. It's just completely different. — Janeane Garofalo

I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal. — Janeane Garofalo

No no no! Don't clap! No no no, you make me seem like I'm like a prophet or something and I'm so not! — Janeane Garofalo

I was just utterly oblivious to how difficult it was, and how difficult it was going to be, and then also in the mid-eighties through the mid-nineties there was a boom of sorts. So there were plenty of stages. If I had started now, there would be very few places to get better and better. — Janeane Garofalo

Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas. — Janeane Garofalo

Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody. — Janeane Garofalo

For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't. — Janeane Garofalo

Sometimes I am very pleased with lifestyle and sometimes I feel utterly worthless because I have so few interests. — Janeane Garofalo

A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster. — Janeane Garofalo

You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena. — Janeane Garofalo

As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se. — Janeane Garofalo

You just did a whole read-through. The lie that brought us into war was that Iraq was a threat to us. Well, now it is a threat. Now it is a terrorist hotbed. The fiction is now reality. And now we have to deal with it. It was an attempt at a corporate takeover. This was about oil. It wasn't about human rights. It's not about human rights. — Janeane Garofalo

Life Lessons by Janeane Garofalo

1. Janeane Garofalo's comedy often focuses on self-acceptance and embracing the unique qualities that make us who we are. She encourages us to be true to ourselves and to not be afraid to stand out from the crowd.
2. Janeane Garofalo also emphasizes the importance of being open-minded and understanding of others, regardless of their backgrounds or beliefs. She encourages us to be tolerant and respectful of one another.
3. Finally, Janeane Garofalo teaches us to take life lightly and to not take ourselves too seriously. She reminds us to laugh at ourselves and to be able to laugh at the world around us.