I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.— Steven Wright
Risky Gas Station quotations
Russia is a gas station masquerading as a country.
I don't approve of the John Waynes and the Gary Coopers saying "Shucks, I ain't no actor - I'm just a bridge builder or a gas station attendant." If they aren't actors, what the hell are they getting paid for? I have respect for my profession. I worked hard at it.
You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet.
Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word. I'm a trapeze artist.
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.
Before you rob your first bank, knock off a couple of gas stations.
I feel like we have to keep our eyes on the road.
Being nostalgic is like taking an offramp and getting a sandwich - and then you get back on the highway. I don't want to be spending the rest of my life at the gas station.
What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area.
I loved Catholic school. I didn't like being beeped at by old pervs at the gas station because I was wearing a plaid skirt, though. It's like, do you think I'm going to stop and give you my phone number?
I just like people. I'll hold a conversation at a gas station. It's not about the fame and the fortune, I just like people.
Between a quarter and a third of Los Angeless land area is now monopolized by the automobile and its needs-by freeways, highways, garages, gas stations, car lots, parking lots. And all of it is blanketed with anonymity and foul air.
I've never been a fan of personality-conflict burgers and identity-crisis omelets with patchouli oil. I function very well on a diet that consists of Chicken Catastrophe and Eggs Overwhelming and a tall, cool Janitor-in-a-Drum. I like to walk out of a restaurant with enough gas to open a Mobil station.
I know quickly whether a guy is boyfriend material.
If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then that's boyfriend material for me. Like if we're able to have fun at a gas station. I've had some really good times at gas stations.
I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry.
The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Nothing will convince and convict those around us like the peaceful and positive way you and I respond to our twentieth century hurts and distress. The unbelieving world-your neighbors, the guy at the gas station, the postman, the lady at the cleaners, your boss at work-is observing the way we undergo our trials.
Librarian is a service occupation. Gas station attendant of the mind.
Money is like gasoline during a road trip.
You don’t want to run out of gas on your trip, but you’re not doing a tour of gas stations.
The realities are that, you know, as a black man, you know, Barack can get shot going to the gas station, you know.
I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky.
I've always thought space station is a great name.
It should be like a gas station where we go for service and supplies before heading further out
You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
I am a greaser. I am a JD and a hood. I blacken the name of our fair city. I beat up people. I rob gas stations. I am a menace to society. Man do I have fun!
I already tried that. Something heavy metal like. And sunglasses. But it didn't work; I went to the gas station and when I left the guy at the counter said, 'bye Mr Schumacher
I have candy all the time. I live on gummy bears and peach rings. They're like dried-up peaches, only dipped in sugar. You can get 'em at gas stations. They're like 99 cents for four bags. And cashews. I love cashews.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
You don't want to be the only car company.
When you're the only car company and there's no competition, customers may not know what a car is, the roads may not be developed for cars, there may not be gas stations everywhere.
Our sacred beliefs have been made pencils / names of cities / gas stations / My knee is wounded so badly that I limp constantly / Anger is my crutch / I hold myself upright with it / My knee is wounded / see / How I Am Still Walking.
Long-haul trucking. Just roaming the country, alone, with audiobooks and podcasts, sleeping in the back of the cab, showering at gas stations at 4 a.m., minimal human contact. That's living the dream.
I'm so in love with the United States.
Not as a patriot. I'm in love with America like it's my first girlfriend. The geography, the people, the smell, the touch, the taste, the gas stations. I'm madly in love with America.
I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.
If you or me go to the gas station to fill up our car and it costs us much more than we expected, it will zap our discretionary income. We won't have the extra money to buy that washing machine or new winter coat-all big ticket items that are important to economic growth.
I go to church every Sunday, which is like going to the gas station once a week and really, really filling up.
So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.
I asked a couple of months ago if anyone would like to start picketing the gas stations.