Introduction

What are the best Henny Youngman quotes? Read the most famous quotes by Henny Youngman. Top 10 Henny Youngman images and Top 10 Henny Youngman quotes. Henny Youngman quotations on marriage, first, wife, funny, love are those that make this comedian famous.

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Best Henny Youngman quotes

Henny Youngman is famous American comedian with many wise quotes. Share the best Henny Youngman quotations of all times with your friends and family.


The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.


If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.


You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.




If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.


I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.


My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

  • bed

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'


I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.


A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.


This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.


She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.


Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.


I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

  • marriage

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.


My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.


She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

  • marriage

If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.


My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.


There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

  • all

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.


A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.


Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.


What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

  • buy

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!


If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.


Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

  • die

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.


Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.




Henny Youngman quotes images

What are the best Henny Youngman images quotes? Read and bookmark finest quotes from Henny Youngman, embed as messages on beautiful images. Those images have marriage quotes, first quotes, wife quotes, funny quotes, love quotes.


Picture quote by Henny Youngman about fun

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.


That were top sayings and Henny Youngman picture quotes. Access more quotations by Henny Youngman with images on Pinterest.

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About Henny Youngman

Where is Henny Youngman from? Henny Youngman is American who said awesome wise words. A influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Henny Youngman's character.

What Henny Youngman was famous for? Henny Youngman is famous comedian with many good quotes. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. Browse a lot of Henny Youngman books and reference books with quotes from Henny Youngman on Amazon.


Top Henny Youngman quotes about marriage

What are the best marriage quotes by Henny Youngman? List with Top 10 Henny Youngman sayings and quotes about marriage.


The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  • marriage

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

  • marriage

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

  • marriage

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.


Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  • marriage

More marriage quotes or go to table of contents


Top Henny Youngman quotes about first

What are the best first quotes by Henny Youngman? List with Top 10 Henny Youngman sayings and quotes about first.


If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

  • funny

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

  • bed

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

  • army

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!


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Top Henny Youngman quotes about wife

What are the best wife quotes by Henny Youngman? List with Top 10 Henny Youngman sayings and quotes about wife.


I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  • love

Take my wife... Please!


My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

  • wife

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Top Henny Youngman quotes about funny

What are the best funny quotes by Henny Youngman? List with Top 10 Henny Youngman sayings and quotes about funny.


If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

  • funny

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

  • funny

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

  • funny

More funny quotes or go to table of contents


Top Henny Youngman quotes about love

What are the best love quotes by Henny Youngman? List with Top 10 Henny Youngman sayings and quotes about love.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

  • love

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  • marriage

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  • love

More love quotes or go to table of contents


More quotes by Henny Youngman

Want some more good quotations by Henny Youngman? Explore the rest of 52 sayings by Henny Youngman.


She has a wash and wear bridal gown.


The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

  • bet

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.


I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

  • everywhere



If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

  • funny

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  • marriage

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.


I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.


I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.


My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?


When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.


I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.


While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.


That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

  • first

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

  • funny

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.


My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

  • wife

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.


I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  • love

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  • anniversary

Take my wife... Please!

  • wife

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.


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Comedians similar to Henny Youngman

Which comedian has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous comedians like the following.


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Henny Youngman favorite topics

Henny Youngman is famous for his passion for marriage, first, wife, funny, love. Check out great quotations and affirmations.


Conclusion

That were all of the 52 Henny Youngman quotes. Maybe some questions are in your head.

How to save Henny Youngman quotations? Save every quote you like to your Bookmarks for further reference. We rank the quotes by the number of bookmarks each one has. By bookmarking a quotation you increase its position in Quotlr rankings. We use top quotes as affirmations in our daily quote iPhone app.

How do you quote Henny Youngman? You are free to cite every quote from Henny Youngman found on Quotlr. Hit the share button to get sharing options for Facebook, Twitter or direct link for email.

When was Henny Youngman birthday? Henny Youngman was born on October 16.

Who is Henny Youngman? Some facts about Henny Youngman from biography. Henry "Henny" Youngman was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known (and oft misattributed) one-liner was "Take my wife—please".... Read more about Henny Youngman on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Henny Youngman on YouTube.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Henny Youngman quotes
Top 10 quotes by Henny Youngman

Part 3
Henny Youngman quotes images

Part 4
Marriage
First
Wife
Funny
Love
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

Quote
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