Hey, kids! I want you to tiptoe into your parents bedrooms, look in their pockets for all the green pieces of paper with the pictures of the guys in beards, and send them to Soupy Sales at channel 5 in New York.

— Soupy Sales

The most instructive Soupy Sales quotes that will activate your desire to change

I took my wife to a baseball game. I kissed her on the strikes, and she kissed me on the balls.

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What starts with F and ends with UCK? A fire truck!

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Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

15

One woman wrote a letter to the Federal Communications Commission complaining that I was teaching kids to steal.

12

My wife can’t cook, but she sure can cream my banana!

10

If I had my life to live over, I’d live it over a deli.

10

I climbed up a tree and kissed my girl between the limbs.

9

Show me a giant rooster chasing a member of Parliament, and I’ll show you a chicken catch a Tory.

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