quote by Anthony Jeselnik

Yeah we're not together anymore. She has got - she has got a new boyfriend now. They just moved into together. And I've heard rumors that he is abusive, which makes you want to go over there with a baseball bat. And then blame it on her boyfriend.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Informative Batting quotations

Batting quote For years I took pride in being resilient, but that turned me into this guy who

For years I took pride in being resilient, but that turned me into this guy who can get hit by a brick bat every morning and still look kind of cute.

During my 18 years I came to bat almost 10,000 times.

I struck out about 1,700 times and walked maybe 1,800 times. You figure a ballplayer will average about 500 at-bats a season. That means I played 7 years without ever hitting the ball.

The true harbinger of spring is not crocuses or swallows returning to Capistrano, but the sound of the bat on the ball.

If a guy is taking his girl for granted, he really deserves a slap, with a baseball bat.

Can I be cocky for a second? If I hit a home run 80 percent of the times, and you want to talk about the 20 times I miss swinging the bat, I’m okay with that.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

Bats have no bankers and they do not drink and cannot be arrested and pay no tax and, in general, bats have it made.

Today if I'm a cricketer it is because of Sachin Tendulkar.

Else, I would never have picked up a bat. He's the reason behind me playing cricket

He smiled, and it made his dimples come out.

“I think I’m more Batman,” he said. “You know, what with all the bats and nighttime activities. And Batman is much cooler.” “Geek.” His smile widened. “You say the nicest things. Haven’t you heard? Geeks run the world now.” -BLACK DAWN

I have to learn from Sehwag how to play in the nervous 90's

I mean, I have done scenes with animals, with owls, with bats, with cats, with special effects, with thespians, in the freezing cold, in the pouring rain, boiling hot; I've done press with every syndication, every country; I've done interviews with people dressed up as cows - there's honestly nothing that's gonna intimidate me!

I was in the show for 21 days once-the 21 greatest days of my life.

You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

I've never fallen in love right off the bat.

I get scared to say I love you too soon because it means so much. It means you're not seeing an end to things.

One night I went over to get some dope from some Hollywood tough guy.

After I left, my son Scott, who was only fifteen, went over with a baseball bat to kill him. I was laughing out of one eye and crying out of the other. I thought, Who am I kidding?

The Bat that flits at close of Eve Has left the Brain that won't believe.

The Owl that calls upon the Night Speaks the Unbeliever's fright.

In high school, I taught dance classes for 3-year-olds up to 16-year-olds, so between that and some bat mitzvah money, I saved up a pretty good nest egg to move to L.A.

Most songs have meager beginnings. You wake up in the morning, you throw on your suspenders, and you subvocalize and just think. They seem to form like calcium. I can't think of a story right off the bat that was that interesting. I write things on the back of my hand, usually, and sing into a tape recorder.

I like to think of the world's greatest athlete coming up to bat against me - Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, I don't care who it is - and I'm looking at him thinking, you have no chance.

What Strauss is going through drives you nuts.

If you care about your batting - which I'm sure he does - he will feel like jumping off a bridge and committing suicide

I'm not afraid to swing the bat. If they elect to pitch to me, I'm going to swing. I'm not as picky as Mr. Sheffield. I'll swing at something over my head.

I had to remind Gary Kristen often that he was in the covers to field against Sachin not to applaud him

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurist drivel; ‘Star Trek’ can turn your brains into puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.

Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

I don't make speeches. I just let my bat speak for me in the summertime.

If you want to learn batting, bat with MS Dhoni.

Test cricket is bloody hard work, especially when you've got Sachin batting with what looks like a three metre wide bat.

Well, boys, it's a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square.

The American boy starts swinging the bat about as soon as he can lift one.

To cure a batting slump, I took my bat to bed with me. I wanted to know my bat a little better.

You just listen to the ball and bat come together. They make an awful noise.

Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

I remember one time I'm batting against the Dodgers in Milwaukee.

They lead, 2 - 1, it's the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two out and the pitcher has a full count on me. I look over to the Dodger dugout and they're all in street clothes.

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