163 Christmas Time Quotes

Following is our list of christmas time quotations and slogans full of insightful wisdom and perspective about family christmas time.

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Famous Christmas Time Quotes

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. — Calvin Coolidge

Christmas is the day that holds all time together. - Alexander Smith

Christmas is the day that holds all time together. — Alexander Smith

It's Christmas time and my rhyme's steady bumpin. Everybody happy, hair still nappy, Gonna steal a gift for my old grandpappy. — Snoop Dogg

Christmas has a way of bringing out the best in everyone — Bing Crosby

At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year. — Thomas Tusser

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. — Mary Ellen Chase

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. — Peg Bracken

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas; Soon the bells will start, And the thing that will make them ring Is the carol that you sing Right within your heart. — Meredith Willson

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas. — Dale Evans

Christmas is the season of joy, of holiday greetings exchanged, of gift-giving,and of families united. — Norman Vincent Peale

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies. — Mo Rocca

It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you...yes, it is Christmas every time you smile at your brother and offer him your hand. — Mother Teresa

It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you. — Mother Teresa

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand. — Dr. Seuss

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. — William Thomas Ellis

Short Christmas Time Quotes

  • Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child. — William Saroyan
  • Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends. — Larry Wilde
  • Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day. — Helen Steiner Rice
  • Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. — Kin Hubbard

Christmas Time Image Quotes

Christmas time quote One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the thing you've always wanted. Do
One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the thing you've always wanted. Do it now.

It's Christmas Time Quotes

I don't want Christmas season to end, because it's the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter. — Eloisa James

Although it's been said many times, many ways...Merry Christmas to you! — Nat King Cole

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. — Karolyn Grimes

Christmas time quote Don't compare your life to others. There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine wh
Don't compare your life to others. There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it's their time.

I've always loved Christmas and that's not really gone away from me from being a child to now. It's always a magical time and I'm unashamed in my love for Christmas. — Martin Freeman

Feed the world. Let them know it's Christmas time again. — Bob Geldof

At this time of year it's easy to forget the true meaning of Christianity - the lies, the corruption, the abuse. — Banksy

Christmas time quote Every time you judge someone else, you reveal an unhealed part of yourself.
Every time you judge someone else, you reveal an unhealed part of yourself.

My mother was a professional sick person; she took a lot of pain pills. There are many people like that. It's just how they are used to getting attention. I always remember she's the daughter of alcoholics who'd leave her alone at Christmas time. — Jim Carrey

At Christmas, 'It's a Wonderful Life' makes me cry in exactly the same places every time, even though I know it's coming. — Nicholas Lea

It's the first time I'm going to be on my own this Christmas and I'm really looking forward to not having any cards or decorations up. So I'll be in London, sit on my couch, arms folded, curtains drawn, having a drink. — Noel Gallagher

One of my favorite movies of all time is 'It's A Wonderful Life', which is a pretty interesting choice for a seasonal Christmas favorite, because it's about a guy who wants to commit suicide and is presented with reasons not to. — Frank Darabont

Family Christmas Time Quotes

Whatever he does should be seen as working at the Presidency and if he goes to Colorado for Christmas, it should be for a minimum amount of time, the family tradition and family get-together aspect emphasized, and it be seen as a working vacation. — Robert Teeter

I am not too much into Netflix and Amazon because spending quality time with family is more valuable. — Smriti Mandhana

To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect. — Oren Arnold

Christmas time quote Do not set aside your happiness. Do not wait to be happy in the future. The best time to be happy is
Do not set aside your happiness. Do not wait to be happy in the future. The best time to be happy is always now.

I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses. — Taylor Caldwell

Christmas is more that a time of festivities, family, and friends; it is a season of generosity, gladness, and gratitude. — William Arthur Ward

[Christmas] holidays are a heavy, heavy time. We make light of them with our red and green and our stockings and candy canes, but people think heavy thoughts over the holidays because that's when you're thinking about family. Are we close? Or are we not as close as other people? — Augusten Burroughs

Christmas time quote Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass away.

Since I was 15 years old I've never been able to spend Christmas, Halloween or Thanksgiving (with friends and family). This was the first time I was able to enjoy a Super Bowl. — Brendan Shanahan

My idea of a perfect holiday is spending time with the family, waking up on Christmas morning or Thanksgiving morning, watching football all day, having the family come over, people you haven't seen... — Morris Chestnut

Isn't that the great thing about Christmas? You get a lot of respite, time to recharge your batteries, time with family without too much else happening anywhere else in the world, time to focus on the people you love and the activities that you enjoy, time to exercise, to read. — Wayne Swan

I do have a family, and I do have friends, and so-called friends, and acquaintances, and many other people I see only around Christmas time. Maybe they could vouch for me. Maybe they could testify to my existence and save a part of me that thinks I'm no better than a bag of potato chips. — Macaulay Culkin

Inspirational Christmas Time Quotes

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. — Laura Ingalls Wilder

I’ll continue to make videos as long as I have the time and people continue to watch my videos, but eventually I’d like to mainstream into TV or movies. — Ryan Higa

I have always thought of Christmas time... as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. — Charles Dickens

Christmas time quote Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances. Sometimes it's now or never.
Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances. Sometimes it's now or never.

The only real blind person at Christmas time is he who has not Christmas in his heart. — Helen Keller

Christmas is a bridge. We need bridges as the river of time flows past. Today's Christmas should mean creating happy hours for tomorrow and reliving those of yesterday. — Gladys Taber

Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. — Calvin Coolidge

Christmas time quote Life has a way of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having every
Life has a way of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.

Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? — Gilbert K. Chesterton

Christmas is a bridge. We need bridges as the river of time flows past. — Gladys Taber

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times. — Kate Langley Bosher

The secret anniversaries of the heart. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I Love Christmas Time Quotes

At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows. — William Shakespeare

I loved Christmas. We had a really great time. But there wasn't - it was all - you had to be happy with, you know, an orange and a couple of walnuts, you know, in your stocking. — Nick Lowe

I love Christmas. A time to slow down and enjoy life and be with my family and friends. In busy years, it keeps me sane. In bad years, it makes me feel whole again. — Mary Jo Putney

Christmas time quote Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations bui
Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.

I forget the derivation of Boxing Day, but the feeling of wanting to invite your loved ones outside one at a time and punch them in the face, does that come into it somewhere? — Allison Pearson

It rarely happens that I get to work again with the same director. I had such a wonderful time on Antichrist with Lars von Trier, that I was going to do whatever he proposed me to do. When he sent me the script of Christmas, I just loved it. I think I love anything he writes. — Charlotte Gainsbourg

I love the fact that everybody slightly changes during the holidays. Most people are a little bit brighter and have a little bit more cheer around the Christmas time and are a little bit more giving, so I love that. — Jordin Sparks

Christmas time quote Live your life. Take chances. Be crazy. Don't wait. Because right now is the oldest you've ever been
Live your life. Take chances. Be crazy. Don't wait. Because right now is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again.

I love Christmas music and there's nothing like getting together with friends at Christmas time to celebrate with music the incredible reality of the Savior's birth. — Steven Curtis Chapman

Time always seems long to the child who is waiting - for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup: long also when he surrenders his whole soul to time and I am as happy as anyone to be here. It is great to be back at my first love. — Robbie Fowler

I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it). — Stephen King

Christmas Season Quotes

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know. — Irving Berlin

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. — Hamilton Wright Mabie

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? — Bob Hope

Christmas time quote Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.

Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind. — Helen Steiner Rice

I’m in the team to score goals. I try and score as many as I can in the season to help the team out. — Harry Kane

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most. — Ruth Carter Stapleton

Christmas time quote Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the pas
Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.

Christmas was close at hand, in all his bluff and hearty honesty; it was the season of hospitality, merriment, and open-heartedness; the old year was preparing, like an ancient philosopher, to call his friends around him, and amidst the sound of feasting and revelry to pass gently and calmly away. — Charles Dickens

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. — Eric Sevareid

The Christmas-New Year's holiday season can be a double-edged sword when it comes to one's mental health. — Gad Saad

Every piece of the universe, even the tiniest little snow crystal, matters somehow. I have a place in the pattern, and so do you. Thinking of you this holiday season! — T.A. Barron

Christmas Quotes

A Christian should resemble a fruit tree with real fruit, not a Christmas tree with decorations tied on — John Stott

For Christians, as for all people of faith, reflection, meditation and prayer help us to renew ourselves in God's love, as we strive daily to become better people. The Christmas message shows us that this love is for everyone. There is no one beyond its reach. — Queen Elizabeth II

If we could condense all the truths of Christmas into only three words, these would be the words: 'God with us.' — John F. MacArthur

Rejoice, that the immortal God is born, so that mortal men may live in eternity. — Jan Hus

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox. — Anthony Jeselnik

Biceps are like ornaments on a Christmas tree. - Ed Coan

Biceps are like ornaments on a Christmas tree. — Ed Coan

We tend to focus our attention at Christmas on the infancy of Christ. The greater truth of the holiday is His deity. More astonishing than a baby in the manger is the truth that this promised baby is the omnipotent Creator of the heavens and the earth! — John F. MacArthur

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows. — Johnny Marks

The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart. — Mencius

Jesus was God and man in one person, that God and man might be happy together again. — George Whitefield

Christmas Holiday Quotes

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself. — Charles Dickens

Remember This December, That love weighs more than gold! — Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon

Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries. He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races. He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries. — George W Truett

Don't let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone. — Taylor Caldwell

When I think of how special Anfield is and how special Liverpool is, everywhere around the world everyone is talking about Liverpool, it is because of the fan base. — John W. Henry

I stay in the house almost all the time and only go out by gondola or carriage, for the pain in my chest or the narrowness of the chest prevents me from walking. — Antonio Vivaldi

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state. — Samantha Bee

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. — Shirley Temple

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected. — Jimmy Cannon

We should try to hold on to the Christmas spirit, not just one day a year, but all 365. — Mary Martin

Christmas Is Coming Quotes

The very purpose of Christ's coming into the world was that He might offer up His life as a sacrifice for the sins of men. He came to die. This is the heart of Christmas. — Billy Graham

God is coming! God is coming! All the element we swim in, this existence, echoes ahead the advent. God is coming! Can't you feel it? — Walter Wangerin

Love is like the little red toy wagon you get for your Christmas or your sixth birthday. It makes you deliriously happy and you just can't leave it alone. But sooner or later the wheels come off. Then you leave it in a corner and forget it. Falling in love is great. Being in love is a disaster — Mario Puzo

So every year when Christmas comes, I realize a new, the best gift life can offer is having friends like you. — Helen Steiner Rice

the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you — John Greenleaf Whittier

We've come full circle but the best remains the heart of the city, the greatest center of the greatest city, our Acropolis, where our Christmas tree is lighted. — Daniel Patrick Moynihan

True happiness comes only by making others happy—the practical application of the Savior's doctrine of losing one's life to gain it. In short, the Christmas spirit is the Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service. — David O. Mckay

I am always amazed by the novel angles that people come up with for kids' Christmas books. Even if a family is not religious, who could resist, say, "Olive, the Other Reindeer," about Olive the dog who thinks the song refers to her and heads for the North Pole to help Santa out? — Jabari Asim

My brothers and sisters, may the spirit of love which comes at Christmas time fill our homes and our lives and linger there long after the tree is down and the lights are put away for another year. — Thomas S. Monson

Christmas is telling you that you could never get to heaven on your own. God had to come to you. — Timothy Keller

Christmas Song Quotes

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know, Where the tree tops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. — Irving Berlin

Sing hey! Sing hey! For Christmas Day; Twine mistletoe and holly. For a friendship glows In winter snows, And so let's all be jolly! At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year — Thomas Tusser

Peace on earth, and mercy mild God and sinners reconciled. — Charles Wesley

When I was five my parents bought me a ukulele for Christmas. I quickly learned how to play it with my father's guidance. Thereafter, my father regularly taught me all the good old fashioned songs. — Tony Visconti

I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world. — Norman Vincent Peale

A song was heard at Christmas To wake the midnight sky: A saviour's birth, and peace on earth, And praise to God on high. The angels sang at Christmas With all the hosts above, And still we sing the newborn King His glory and his love. — Timothy Dudley-Smith

We hear the cuckoo’s voice; Then sweet songs of the turtle dove and finch are heard. Soft breezes stir the air. — Antonio Vivaldi

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever. — Bess Streeter Aldrich

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. — Bill Vaughan

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. — Oren Arnold

Christmas Love Quotes

Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will? — Jon Bon Jovi

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. — Garrison Keillor

It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. — Dylan Thomas

Love came down at Christmas, Love all lovely, Love Divine; Love was born at Christmas; Star and angels gave the sign. — Christina Rossetti

A little smile, a word of cheer, A bit of love from someone near, A little gift from one held dear, Best wishes for the coming year. These make a merry christmas! — John Greenleaf Whittier

I love cooking during Christmas, all smells like the hot apple cider, the hot spiced wine. — Amy Smart

No matter what, I always make it home for Christmas. I love to go to my Tennessee Mountain Home and invite all of my nieces and nephews and their spouses and kids and do what we all like to do - eat, laugh, trade presents and just enjoy each other... and sometimes I even dress up like Santa Claus! — Dolly Parton

A lot of sequins for New Year's! Red, green, white - I fail at all of that because I'm always in black. But for Christmas, I do love wearing cute dresses with tights and a pair of boots. — Ashley Benson

A joy that's shared is a joy made double. — John Ray

Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again. — Grace Noll Crowell

People Writing About Christmas Time

Name Quotes Likes
Read quotes by Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa
quotes on service, love and humanity

852 24671
Read quotes by Calvin Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge
quotes on persistence, taxes and government

312 3370
Read quotes by Alexander Smith

Alexander Smith
quotes on education, slavery and religion

100 650
Read quotes by Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg
quotes on love, life and hoes

166 7015
Read quotes by Bing Crosby

Bing Crosby
quotes on life, love and carol burnett

21 385
Read quotes by Thomas Tusser

Thomas Tusser
quotes on education, love and life

28 240

More Christmas Time Quotes

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? — Gilbert K. Chesterton

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. — Douglas Coupland

There is probably a smell of roasted chestnuts and other good comfortable things all the time, for we are telling Winter Stories - Ghost Stories, or more shame for us - round the Christmas fire; and we have never stirred, except to draw a little nearer to it. — Charles Dickens

Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it. — Richard Lamm

But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely. — Charles Dickens

Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, ‘What else could this mean?’ — Shannon Alder

At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe. — Chris Van Allsburg

According to an ancient Sardinian legend, the bodies of those who are born on Christmas Eve will never dissolve into dust but are preserved until the end of time. — Grazia Deledda

In the spring of 1994 I decided not to seek reelection to the Senate. I had made the decision 12 years earlier, Christmas Day of 1982, just after I had been first elected to a full term, that I would do the best I could for a limited time. — George J. Mitchell

For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus. — Chris Pine

Christmas my child, is love in action...When you love someone, you give to them, as God gives to us. The greatest gift He ever gave was the Person of His Son, sent to us in human form so that we might know what God the Father is really like! Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas. — Dale Evans

Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God. — George McDougall

The foundation upon which our nation stands is much richer and firmer than the sympathies that may occasionally divide us. And we never know this more truly than in Christmas time. In good times or in bad, under clear skies or under the shadow of uncertainty, the Christmas message is the imperishable one of joy, hope and brotherhood. — Ferdinand Marcos

The Advent season is that time when we seek to, in a manner of speaking, mute our memory of what has already happened, that we might brighten our joy that it happened. We leave the already of His advent to taste the bitter of the not yet. We, in short, go back, that we might look forward to His coming. — R. C. Sproul

Advent: the time to listen for footsteps - you can't hear footsteps when you're running yourself. — Bill McKibben

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list — Milton Berle

Whose heart doth hold the Christmas glow Hath little need of Mistletoe; Who bears a smiling grace of mien Need waste no time on wreaths of green; Whose lips have words of comfort spread Needs not the holly-berries red— His very presence scatters wide The spirit of the Christmastide. — John Kendrick Bangs

Our last jam session was this past Christmas. Dad played his harmonica, mom sang in English and Italian, and I played guitar. I'm so happy that we could share that musical experience for one last time. — Tony Visconti

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. — Phyllis Diller

For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home. — William Jewett Tucker

Christmas is more than a time of music, merriment and mirth; it is a season of meditation, mangers and miracles. Christmas is more than a time of carols, cards and candy; it is a season of dedication and decision. — William Arthur Ward

Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that will last forever. Jesus is God's perfect, indescribable gift. The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year. — Joel Osteen

I had eight brothers and sisters. Every Christmas my younger brother Bobby would wake up extra early and open everybody's presents - everybody's - so by the time the rest of us got up, all the gifts were shredded, ribbons off, torn open and thrown aside. — Tommy Hilfiger

Time always seems long to the child who is waiting - for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup: long also when he surrenders his whole soul to each moment of a happy day. — Dag Hammarskjold

I think we felt the pressure more at first than this time around. But still you don't want to let anyone down. I never even met Patrick until we had a Christmas party at Ian McKellen's house on the first movie and then I didn't see him again until the premiere. — Rebecca Romijn

When I was out for the Christmas Holidays in school, I would go skiing up to the mountains and there they had Santa on a sled. Pulled by horses and other reindeer, it was a very, very picturesque time and that struck me very emphatically then and has remained with me all this time. — William Shatner

There are stories told to him only at this time of year. Fantastic, magical stories, the old Hollier in the woods finding only three red berries, which peel back in the night to reveal gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh, Christmas in hot deserts, dust-blown countries, the necklace of tears, and the story of the robin. — Sarah Hall

Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around. — Bryan White

I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. — Demetri Martin

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