99 Funniest Sports Quotes

Following is our list of funniest sports quotations and slogans full of insightful wisdom and perspective about funny golf.

Quick Jump To

Famous Funniest Sports Quotes

Sports is the toy department of human life. — Howard Cosell

Sports is human life in microcosm. - Howard Cosell

Sports is human life in microcosm. — Howard Cosell

The best humor is offered up to you by the stupidity of your opponents. — Barney Frank

I'm a huge sports fan. — Marc Anthony

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable. — Tom Landry

The funniest people are the saddest once — Confucius

Meeting sports athletes that are the best in the world is a thrill to this day. — Phil Knight

Sports is like rock 'n' roll. Both are dominant cultural forces, both speak an international language, and both are all about emotions. — Phil Knight

I am a huge sports fan. — Kris Allen

Looking for a cricket quote for inspiration? Or, maybe a cricket quote to make you laugh? Check out this collection of the best cricket quotations. — John Arlott

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. — Tiger Woods

I'm not a big sports fan, but I love it when they "slam dunk." That's sexy. - Emma Bunton

I'm not a big sports fan, but I love it when they "slam dunk." That's sexy. — Emma Bunton

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off. — Chi Chi Rodriguez

Professional sports are something they can't control. — Troy Vincent

I think any man over 250 pounds rollerblading is instant hilarity. There's nothing funnier than a giant, grown man rollerblading. — Chris Pratt

Short Funniest Sports Quotes

  • The best football is always about expression of emotion. Always. — Jurgen Klopp
  • Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. — Elbert Hubbard
  • The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love. — Bryant Gumbel
  • A rabid sports fan is one that boos a TV set — Jimmy Cannon
  • Sports are my passion and I really enjoy connecting with others who share my love of the game — Tessa Bonhomme
  • I'm an athlete, I'm funny, I'm creative, I can tell a story, I'm likable. — Logan Paul
  • The most famous athletes throughout the history of time are fighters. — Dana White
  • Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. — Mark Twain
  • Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. — Peter Ustinov

Funniest Sports Image Quotes

Funniest sports quote The real workout starts when you want to stop.
The real workout starts when you want to stop.

Hilarious Sports Quotes

I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers...I mean Chargers. — Bill Belichick

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. - Caroline Rhea

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. — Caroline Rhea

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on. — John Lambie

When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey. - Randy Moss

When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey. — Randy Moss

When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, there's no better feeling than to have that done. — Matt Stairs

The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level. — Chuck LaMar

Funniest sports quote Your body will be around a lot longer than that expensive handbag. Invest in yourself.
Your body will be around a lot longer than that expensive handbag. Invest in yourself.

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted — George Best

I led the league in go get 'em next time. — Bob Uecker

I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that. — Jerry Rice

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. — Chuck Nevitt

Funny Golf Quotes

I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you. — Seve Ballesteros

Luck is predictable; the harder you work, the luckier you get. — Brian Tracy

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. — Lee Trevino

Funniest sports quote Our bodies are capable of anything. It's our mind we have to convince.
Our bodies are capable of anything. It's our mind we have to convince.

It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it. — Jack Nicklaus

You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. — Bobby Jones

I never learned anything from a match that I won. — Bobby Jones

Funniest sports quote Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.
Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.

The older I get, the better I used to be. — Lee Trevino

I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me. — Seve Ballesteros

The most important shot in golf is the next one. - Ben Hogan

The most important shot in golf is the next one. — Ben Hogan

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. — Lee Trevino

Funny Running Quotes

Trample the weak. Hurdle the dead. — Attila the Hun

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here. — Mitch Hedberg

Make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. — George S. Patton

Funniest sports quote Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them - a desi
Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them - a desire, a vision, a dream.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. — Red Skelton

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. — Milton Berle

I know I'm more on television, and I'm more recognizable than maybe even the players because they run and train, but I just stand there, and my face does all these funny things that everyone can see all the time. — Jurgen Klopp

Funniest sports quote If youre not failing once in a while, it probably means youre not stretching yourself.
If youre not failing once in a while, it probably means youre not stretching yourself.

Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes, and in the end Germany always wins. — Gary Lineker

I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run. — Bill Engvall

I have two speeds. Fast and faster. I don't just run. I take it. - Arjen Robben

I have two speeds. Fast and faster. I don't just run. I take it. — Arjen Robben

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out. — Sam Kinison

People Writing About Funniest Sports

Name Quotes Likes
Read quotes by Howard Cosell

Howard Cosell
quotes on sports, football and life

18 721
Read quotes by Phil Knight

Phil Knight
quotes on running, nike

28 567
Read quotes by Barney Frank

Barney Frank
quotes on politics, education and life

100 285
Read quotes by Marc Anthony

Marc Anthony
quotes on love

22 143
Read quotes by Tom Landry

Tom Landry
quotes on coaching, winning

29 2198
Read quotes by Confucius

Confucius
quotes on life, aging and education

911 18025

More Funniest Sports Quotes

Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need? — Harry Caray

Funniest sports quote My failure gave me strength, my pain was my motivation.
My failure gave me strength, my pain was my motivation.

They don't think it be like it is, but it do. — Oscar Gamble

Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye. — Bum Phillips

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church. — Robin Williams

Funniest sports quote Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the
Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it. — Rocky Graziano

This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother. — Ted Walsh

We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us. — Ruud Gullit

I can dribble with my right hand and I can dribble with my left hand. I'm amphibious. — Charles Shackleford

I've never lost a game I just ran out of time. — Michael Jordan

Because there are no fours. — Antoine Walker

You can sum up this sport in two words: You never know. — Lou Duva

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. — Doug Plank

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds. — Winston Churchill

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame. — Oscar Wilde

Statistics are like bikinis-they show a lot but not everything. — Lou Piniella

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet. — Steve Spurrier

What's the difference between a three-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining. — Mike Ditka

The Mets just had their first .500-or-better April since July of 1992. — Ralph Kiner

Ninety percent of this game is half mental. — Yogi Berra

You guys line up alphabetically by height. — Bill Peterson

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something. — Dennis Rodman

The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23! — Kevin Keegan

I've never seen anyone go on the DL with pulled fat. — Rod Beck

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject. — Shelby Metcalf

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious. — Charles Shackleford

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex. — Carl Everett

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. — Dan Castellaneta

I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming. — Johnny Bench

The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch and one on the throttle. — Bob Varsha

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that. — Murray Mexted

I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side. — David Beckham

Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person. — Jeremy Roenick

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on. — Jerry Coleman

[My] career was sputtering until [I] did a 360 and got headed in the right direction. — Tracy McGrady

Well, Rickey's not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there. — Rickey Henderson

To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too. — Matt Millen

He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem. — Eddie Shaw

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract. — Carl "Spider" Lockhart

I don't want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win. — Sherman Douglas

We're not attempting to circumcise rules. — Bill Cowher

In Conclusion

Which quotation resonated with you best? Did you enjoy our collection of funniest sports quotes? Or may be you have a slogan about funniest sports to suggest. Let us know using our contact form.

Citation

Feel free to cite and use any of the quotes in this collection of funniest sports quotations. For popular citation styles(APA, Chicago, MLA), please use this citation page.

Embed HTML Link

Copy and paste this HTML code in your webpage