Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. — Frank Zappa
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected. — Henny Youngman
Politics is show business for ugly people. — Paul Begala
I'm a politician, and as you know, politicians are rarely very funny. — Nicola Sturgeon
I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected. — Bob Hope
Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. — Richard M. Nixon
It's now our responsibility to prove to ourselves, to other nations, and especially to our children and our grandchildren, that politics is full of fun; politics has some wisdom. Politics is freedom. — Joko Widodo
It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. — Ronald Reagan
Politics is not bean bags. It's serious, tough stuff. — Colin Powell
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke. — Will Rogers
To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. — Hubert H. Humphrey
Politics is a jungle-torn between doing the right thing and staying in office. — John F. Kennedy
Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. — Albert Einstein
Politics is the choice between the lesser of two evils. — George Orwell
It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. — John Oliver
Politics with me isn't theater. It's performance art. Sometimes, for its own sake. — Roger Stone
Politics and hypocrites is turning us all into lunatics. — Marvin Gaye
Politics Funny Image Quotes
The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. — Edward Abbey
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money. — Bob Hope
You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it. — Boris Yeltsin
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
Political Humor Quotes
It is dangerous to be right in matters where established men are wrong. — Voltaire
You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team. — Eric Cantona
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. — George Carlin
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag. — Molly Ivins
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. — Mark Twain
Subversive, ethical, ecological, political, humorous ... this is how I see my duty as a designer. — Philippe Starck
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
Political correctness is tyranny with manners. — Charlton Heston
Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point. — Mark Twain
I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how a man could look up into the heavens and say there is no God. — Abraham Lincoln
I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children. — George W. Bush
Political Jokes Quotes
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin! — Charles M. Schulz
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. — Jon Stewart
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them. — Bob Hope
When words are both true and kind they can change the world.
New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally as established truths. — George Bernard Shaw
To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. — John Waters
Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can.
I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you, and you speak for 10 or 15 minutes in broad generalities. — Bernie Sanders
Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the dirtier, I'm afraid the more ethnic, the better. I don't think he brought very much to the presidency, except charisma and success. — Walter Cronkite
To joke in the face of danger is the supreme politeness, a delicate refusal to cast oneself as a tragic hero. — Edmond Rostand
It's important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don't think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time. — John Mulaney
Good Funny Quotes
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. — Dennis Wholey
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Woody Allen
I've lost a million and a half on the horses and dice in the last two years. And the funny part is, I still like 'em, and if someone handed me another million I'd put it right in the nose
of some horse that looked good to me. — Al Capone
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. — Lois Wyse
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest — Winston Churchill
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. — Donna Roberts
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. — Billy Crystal
love the life you live. live the life you love. — Bob Marley
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies. — Sayings
Canada Funny Quotes
Our hopes are high. Our faith in the people is great. Our courage is strong. And our dreams for this beautiful country will never die. — Pierre Trudeau
Under this flag may our youth find new inspiration for loyalty to Canada; for a patriotism based not on any mean or narrow nationalism, but on the deep and equal pride that all Canadians will feel for every part of this good land. — Lester B. Pearson
There are no limits to the majestic future which lies before the mighty expanse of Canada with its virile, aspiring, cultured, and generous-hearted people. — Winston Churchill
There is no such thing as public opinion. There is only published opinion.
I just think you Westerners should take over this country if you are so smart. — Pierre Trudeau
I am so excited about Canadians ruling the world. — John Diefenbaker
When I'm in Canada, I feel this is what the world should be like. — Jane Fonda
Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.
After all, we fought the Yanks in 1812 and kicked them the hell out of our country - but not with blanks. — Farley Mowat
A Canadian is somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe. — Pierre Berton
If you don't think that your country should come before yourself, you can better serve your country by livin' someplace else. — Stompin' Tom Connors
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. — Brendan Behan
Good Political Quotes
The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. — Otto von Bismarck
I love peace and quiet, I hate politics and turmoil. We women are not made for governing, and if we are good women, we must dislike these masculine occupations. — Queen Victoria
I ran for the presidency, despite hopeless odds, to demonstrate the sheer will and refusal to accept the status quo. — Shirley Chisholm
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
If man is not made in the image of God, nothing then stands in the way of inhumanity. There is no good reason why mankind should be perceived as special. Human life is cheapened. We can see this in many of the major issues being debated in our society today. — Francis Schaeffer
Gold will not always get you good soldiers, but good soldiers can get you gold. — Niccolo Machiavelli
We live in a world where our social system is old, our language is old, the way we acquire goods and services is outdated, our cities are detrimental to our health, chaotic and a tremendous waste of resource, and most of all our politics and values no longer serve us. — Jacque Fresco
Trust me, You can dance.
There are three critical ingredients to democratic renewal and progressive change in America: good public policy, grassroots organizing and electoral politics. — Paul Wellstone
Independence, the freedom of a self-governing nation, is in my estimation the highest political good, for which any disadvantage, if need be, and any sacrifice are a cheap price. — Enoch Powell
All that a good government aims at... is to add no unnecessary and artificial aid to the force of its own unavoidable consequences, and to abstain from fortifying and accumulating social inequality as a means of increasing political inequalities. — James F. Cooper
Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag — Jay Leno
Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled — Dan Quayle
The stronger you become, the gentler you will be.
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love — Joe Louis
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. — Ambrose Bierce
The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians. — Steve Forbes
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. — Neil Peart
A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere. — Warren Buffett
It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta — Dave Barry
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong. — Mark Twain
Political Cartoons Quotes
That's the conundrum of cartoon stripping, as opposed to political cartoons. When your anger is the driving force of your drawing hand, failure follows. The anger is OK, but it has to serve the interests of the heart, frankly. — Berkeley Breathed
I was doing political cartoons and getting angry to the point where I felt I was going to have to start making and throwing bombs. I thought I was probably a better cartoonist than a bomb maker. — Terry Gilliam
I've been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications - the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons. — Bill Watterson
Freedom of speech trumps political correctness. I would say our magazine would publish an anti-Semitic or Holocaust denying cartoon if it meant Jews around the world were rioting because of it and burning embassies because of a cartoon. We would want to show our readers what all the fuss was about. — Ezra Levant
In a way, the political cartoon drawings are things that are small and have humor and a childhood aesthetic and are often stronger to spread an opinion. — Camille Henrot
The political cartoon, in a way, is one of the highest forms of expression about our times. I don't believe in dramatic statements when it comes to political critique. It doesn't communicate in a way that's subversive enough. — Camille Henrot
To keep doing this job [draw political cartoons] week after week, I think you have to want to change the world, while understanding that you can't. You have to hold both of those contradictory ideas simultaneously. — Tom Tomorrow
I don't think that what I'm doing [political cartooning] is necessarily left versus right. What I'm addressing is top versus bottom. If I'm not spending a lot of time making fun of the more extreme elements of the Green Party, it's because what I do is to critique power. — Tom Tomorrow
I wasn't having any luck getting accepted anyway and it forced me to re-examine what it was that I really wanted to do. In my experience in political cartooning, I was never one of those people who read the headlines and foams at the mouth with rabid opinion that I've just got to get down on paper. — Bill Watterson
I also do political cartoons, but a lot of them must stay, as they say, under the coat. But they are very fun to do, and in France, we have a good subject at the moment. — Karl Lagerfeld
Politicians And Politics Quotes
As long as judges tinker with the Constitution to 'do what the people want,' instead of what the document actually commands, politicians who pick and confirm new federal judges will naturally want only those who agree with them politically. — Antonin Scalia
An honest public servant can't become rich in politics. He can only attain greatness and satisfaction by service. — Harry S. Truman
A guy named Adolf Hitler won an election in 1932 ... and 50 million people died as a result ... what I learned as a little kid is that politics is, in fact, very important. — Bernie Sanders
No one will really understand politics until they understand that politicians are not trying to solve our problems. They are trying to solve their own problems - of which getting elected and re-elected are number one and number two. Whatever is number three is far behind. — Thomas Sowell
We find two great gangs of political speculators, who alternately take possession of the state power and exploit it by the most corrupt ends -- the nation is powerless against these two great cartels of politicians who are ostensibly its servants, but in reality dominate and plunder it. — Friedrich Engels
Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians. — Charles Krauthammer
The rich will strive to establish their dominion and enslave the rest. They
always did...they always will. They will have the same effect here as
elsewhere, if we do not, by the power of government, keep them in their proper
spheres. — Gouverneur Morris
If one meets a powerful person--Adolf Hitler, Joe Stalin or Bill Gates--ask them five questions: "What power have you got? Where did you get it from? In whose interests do you exercise it? To whom are you accountable? And how can we get rid of you? — Tony Benn
He was the only man I ever knew who could get money from the rich and votes from the poor with the promise to protect them from each other. — Tommy Douglas
We have no eternal allies, and we have not perpetual enemies. Our interests are eternal and perpetual, and those interests it is our duty to follow. — Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston
A businessman cannot force you to buy his product; if he makes a mistake, he suffers the consequences; if he fails, he takes the loss. If bureaucrat makes a mistake, you suffer the consequences; if he fails, he passes the loss on to you. — Ayn Rand
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target — Ashleigh Brilliant
I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom. — Tallulah Bankhead
A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole. — Frank Zappa
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution. — Andy Borowitz
I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience. — Ronald Reagan
A man said to the universe: 'Sir, I exist!' 'However,' replied the universe. 'The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation. — Stephen Crane
I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. — Evelyn Beatrice Hall
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked. — Andy Borowitz
Yes, we do defend our office as we do defend our homes. This is a constitutional right everybody has, and nothing's funny about that. The only reason they get mad at the Black Panther Party when you do it is for the simple reason that we're political. — Fred Hampton
If you want government to intervene domestically, you’re a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you’re a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you’re a moderate. If you don’t want government to intervene anywhere, you’re an extremist. — Joseph Sobran
Paul Ryan's love for Rage Against The Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades — Tom Morello
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. — Andy Borowitz
I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one. — Mae West
If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog. — Harry S. Truman
I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice. — Steve Martin
The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. — Harry S. Truman
Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail. — Virginia Graham
REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion. — Ambrose Bierce
There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen. — Sydney J. Harris
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role. — Andy Borowitz
There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generaly defy logic... Just like rock climbing. — David Schuller
If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem. — Jon Stewart
Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad. — Dick Gregory
I've been a politician and so I'm sometimes cynical about what politicians won't do. When I hear a politician say something that makes no sense whatsoever, I think there's one of two things there: There's money or the promise of money. — Allan Boesak
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron. — Andy Borowitz
A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!! — Lewis Black
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. — Harry S. Truman
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. — Stephen Colbert
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations. — Andy Borowitz
Freedom of press is limited to those who own one. — H. L. Mencken
Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss. — Bill Maher
You can't say 'I don't do politics,' because silence is a political statement. — Tariq Ramadan
What does politically correct mean? If you're fat, don't ask me if you're fat, because I'm gonna tell you the truth. You're fat. — Charles Barkley
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