If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet. — Redd Foxx
In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture. — Nancy Banks-Smith
In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture. — Nancy BanksSmith
My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first. — Mitch Hedberg
Room service? Send up a larger room. — Groucho Marx
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. — Catherine Zeta-Jones
I don't spend a lot of my time in the locker room. That's my least favourite place in the world. — Maria Sharapova
I prefer to leave standing up, like a well-mannered guest at a party. — Leontyne Price
You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight. — Jeff Foxworthy
Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way. — Dave Barry
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. — Peter Kay
I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it shall be behind me. — Max Reger
Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is. — Billy Carter
The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper. — Yasujiro Ozu
I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. — Sheryl Crow
Try being my size and going into a public restroom. — Billy Barty
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom. — Jeff Foxworthy
You don't need to use the language of God to ask where the restrooms are. — Etgar Keret
Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room? — Dane Cook
We don’t have much time. Mel will be out of the restroom soon.” “You’ve got a magician named Mel? — Rick Riordan
Bathroom Quotes
Mother says there are locked rooms inside all women, kitchen of love, bedroom of grief, bathroom of apathy. Sometimes, the men, they come with keys, and sometimes the men, they come with hammers. — Warsan Shire
The main part of the house is a deep red and I have butterscotch carpet. And I have a bathroom with leopard skin floor, wallpaper and toilet. — Macy Gray
I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub. — Grover Norquist
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things, you can't leave the bathroom door open...you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch. — J. B. Smoove
All that chatter you hear from yuppie parents at the playground about how expensive it is to 'do' bathrooms? It's all true. Every word, and worse. — Tucker Carlson
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom. — Rodney Dangerfield
in the mornin' po-lice at my door
Fresh adidas squeak across the bathroom floor
Out the back window.. I make a escape
Don't even get a chance to grab my old school tape — Ice T
The motion picture made in Hollywood, if it is to create art at all, must do so within such strangling limitations of subject and treatment that it is a blind wonder it ever achieves any distinction beyond the purely mechanical slickness of a glass and chromium bathroom. — Raymond Chandler
People never sing...except in the bathroom. Birthing women also make their natural sounds next to running bath water. There is something about the power of water. People are drawn to water, spas, and sacred streams. Women in labor are drawn to water, too. — Michel Odent
Homeschooling will certainly produce some socially awkward adults, but the odds are good they would have been just as quirky had they spent twelve years raising their hand for permission to go to the bathroom. — Quinn Cummings
Lavatory Quotes
Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. — Alan Bennett
I've been lucky enough to win an Oscar, write a best-seller - my other dream would be to have a painting in the Louvre. The only way that's going to happen is if I paint a dirty one on the wall of the gentlemen's lavatory. — David Niven
When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. — John Mortimer
The ultimate aim of psychoanalysis is to attribute art to mental weakness, and then to trace the weakness back to the point where, according to analytic dogma, it originated namely, the lavatory. — Karl Kraus
I don't like rats, but there's not much else I don't like. The problem with rats is they have no fear of human beings, they're loaded with foul diseases, they would run the place given half the chance, and I've had them leap out of a lavatory while I've been sitting on it. — David Attenborough
I have seen things few of my countrymen have. The first time I went on an aeroplane I couldn't work out how the lavatories worked up in the sky. — Haile Gebrselassie
Being English, I always laugh at anything to do with the lavatory or bottoms. — Elizabeth Hurley
I boast of being the only man in London who has been bombed off a lavatory seat while reading Jane Austen. She went into the bath; I went through the door. — Kingsley Martin
Everything at a NASCAR event carries a corporate logo except the lavatory stalls. — Brock Yates
It's funny, in literature no one ever goes to the lavatory. — Sayings
For the speedy reader paragraphs become a country the eye flies over looking for landmarks, reference points, airports, restrooms, passages of sex. — William H. Gass
I went to the entrance to the restroom, where the hallway did a sharp bend so nobody could peek into the girls' pee-palace. — Lilith Saintcrow
Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really
good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me! — Bo Burnham
One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all. — Zac Efron
Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door. — Marlo Thomas
With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom. — Erma Bombeck
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. — Jeff Foxworthy
You know, I'm going to start thanking the woman who cleans the restroom in the building I work in. I'm going to start thinking of her as a human being. — Hillary Clinton
The code of the road is, if there is anything to eat, eat; if there is a place to sit, sit; if there is a restroom, go. — Jessica Savitch
The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms. — David Letterman
Nico danced around like he needed to use the restroom. "Does Zeus really have lightning bolts that do six hundred damage? Does he get extra movement points for—" "Nico, shut up!" Bianca put her hands to her face. "This is not your stupid Mythomagic game, okay? There are no gods! — Rick Riordan
We segregate men from women, and no matter how many times we insist that men and women are equal, men and women should be treated the same, when it comes to the moment of excretion, even the most modern society - especially the most modern society - segregates two restrooms with little icons outside the doors, one wearing a dress, one wearing pants. — W. J. T. Mitchell
I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. — Daniel Handler
In it not easy to remain rational and normal mentally in such a setting where, even in our airport in Montgomery, there is a white waiting room... There are restroom facilities for white ladies and colored women, white men and colored men. We stand outside after being served at the same ticket counter instead of sitting on the inside. — Rosa Parks
Anything that I'm doing I think I always come at it from an outsider perspective. The first like real front page story that I had for the Times was about how after decades of battles over public restrooms in New York City, effectively chain stores had become the public restroom of choice for New Yorkers, it's sort of a silly little thing, but coming as an outsider, I was like 'Oh this is actually really interesting.' — Lydia Polgreen
I'd like to say that Muslims are never in violence with white people. It's the black man who love you. See, you don't let him in your toilet, you don't let him in your restroom, you don't let him marry your daughter, you gotta fight. So, we're not gonna be botherin' you, you understand. Muslims don't come in, we don't have no trouble with you. It's just the integrator. — Muhammad Ali
Why would God send people to our church if we don't have a great dream? Why would God give a multigifted, multitalented, and multifinancially wealthy person to a church if the biggest thing you are going to do is paint the restrooms next year? That's bad stewardship. — John C. Maxwell
I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said Deformed Mans Toilet, that kind of thing. — David Henry Hwang
I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s. — Dave Barry
Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup. — Jimmy Fallon
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). — Rich Hall
Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. — David Letterman
One of the clues that I chased was that Dan Cooper, whoever he was, found an old magazine story called "How to Leave Your Life." And followed the directions on how to leave your life, and just went to the beach one day with his wife and kids, and said he needed to go to the bathroom, and went to the restroom at the beach and never came home. — Geoffrey Gray
I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking. — Lynda Barry
I actually graze at several of the homes while Im playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes? — George Lopez
I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. — Sheryl Crow
I was born on a plantation, and things weren't so good. We didn't have any money. I never thought of the word 'poor' till I got to be a man, but when you live in a house that you can always peek out of and see what kind of day it is, you're not doing so well. And your restroom is not inside the house. — B. B. King
One of the stall doors swings open and a fortyish-year-old woman walks out tucking her shirt into her jeans. Her heavy lined eyes land on Seth. "This is the women's restroom." She points a finger to the door. "Can't you read?" "Can't you see that everyone in this club is about twenty years younger than you?" Seth retorts, turning to the mirror. With his pinkie, he messes with bangs. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to have some fun. — Jessica Sorensen
Annabeth looked at me. " We have to get out of here." " You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?" " I mean the ship, Percy! We have to get off the ship." " Smells bad," Tyson agreed. " And dogs eat all the eggs. Annabeth is right. We must leave the restroom and the ship. — Rick Riordan
Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does. — Tina Fey
Then you’re going to stay in that net until eternity comes to pass. (Sin) Well, that’s really intelligent, isn’t it? What are you going to do? Put drinks on me or just use me as a conversation piece whenever friends come over? And let’s not even think about what’s going to happen when I need to use the restroom, shall we? I hope you have a standing order at Sofa Express. (Kat) — Sherrilyn Kenyon
I am concentrating docilely on the question why U.S. restrooms always appear to us as infirmaries for public distress, the place to reagain control. — David Foster Wallace
In Conclusion
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