Funny Football Quotes

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.

Messi scores a goal and celebrates. Cristiano scores a goal and poses like he's in a shampoo commercial.

If you're in the penalty area and don't know what to do with the ball, put it in the net and we'll discuss the options later.

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.

Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.

In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.

Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves.

Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.

I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.

Pele called me the greatest footballer in the world. That is the ultimate salute to my life.

I have two speeds. Fast and faster. I don't just run. I take it.

Yes, I thought I was joining Manchester United, I was misled by all involved.

I wasnt aware of another Manchester team

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

The goal is to win. It's not about making money. I have many much less risky ways of making money than this (buying Chelsea football club). I don't want to throw my money away, but it's really about having fun and that means success and trophies.

If I ever wear a Chelsea shirt, you have permission to kill me.

I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags.

Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.

Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time.

Well, when you're playing good football, it's good football and if you don't have good football, then you're not really playing good football.

Trust me, You can dance.

Rapport? You mean like, You'll run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can?

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.

Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win

They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.

Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of.

For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.

Football, beer, and above all gambling, filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult.

Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you're 80-20 sure of winning it.

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.

If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.

I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier.

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.

I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet.

Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong

I don't know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.