Those who write are writers. Those who wait are waiters. — A. Lee Martinez
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. — Dave Barry
I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour. — Nigella Lawson
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. — Andy Rooney
If you wait for inspiration to write you're not a writer, you're a waiter. — Dan Poynter
A restaurant is a fantasy-a kind of living fantasy in which diners are the most important members of the cast. — Warner LeRoy
A good apprentice cook must be as polite with the dishwasher as with the chef. — Fernand Point
I wasn't a very good waitress, always spilling things on people and forgetting things. I once spilled ashes all over Mike Wallace's table. — Tracy Pollan
He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner. — Benjamin Franklin
The guardian and arbiter of superlative eating, with every meal an unforgettable experience in pleasure, starting with the soup, which he said, 'must be the agent provocateur of a good dinner.' — Marie-Antoine Careme
I'm already hot, you could say I'm pre-heated. If money talks, mine's telling your's to 'be seated — J. Cole
Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer. — Koko Taylor
All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait. — Evan Esar
Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time. — Chinese Proverbs
I saw a Werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand — Warren Zevon
Leave the table while you still feel you could eat a little more. — Helena Rubinstein
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter." — Henny Youngman
The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion. — Douglas Adams
The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters. — Robert Morley
Insanity hovered close at hand, like an eager waiter at an expensive restaurant. — Arundhati Roy
A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter. — Morey Amsterdam
How someone treats a waiter or doorman can tell you so much about a person. — Austin Butler
If you wait for inspiration, you're not a writer, but a waiter. — Louis L'Amour
We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers. — Eddie Izzard
Waitress Quotes
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' "I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken. — Dick Gregory
I'd played dumbasses a lot. On Mad About You, I played a very dumb waitress and they saw me. — Lisa Kudrow
I prefer ordinary girls - you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most of the girls I go out with are just good friends. Just because I go out to the cinema with a girl, it doesn't mean we are dating. — Leonardo DiCaprio
Once I cried in a restaurant because the waitress told me I couldn't eat my soup with a fork, I had to use a spoon. — Liam Payne
The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you. — John Lennon
When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight.' — Yogi Berra
I started in the restaurant business at the age of 19 as a waitress. I loved the atmosphere and the camaraderie of the restaurant business. I loved not having to go to an office. I loved making people happy. — Anne Burrell
I've always been melancholic. At a party, everyone would be looking at the glittering chandeliers and I'd be looking at the waitress's cracked shoes. — Marian Keyes
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. — Todd Barry
If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good. — Al McGuire
Corrupted by wealth and power, your government is like a restaurant with only one dish. They've got a set of Republican waiters on one side and a set of Democratic waiters on the other side. But no matter which set of waiters brings you the dish, the legislative grub is all prepared in the same Wall Street kitchen. — Huey Long
Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar? — Don Rickles
My indifference to money and my spendthrift ways are disgraceful. You have no idea how reckless I am; how often I practically throw money out of the window. I am always making good resolutions, but the next minute I forget and give the waiter eightpence. — Robert Schumann
Beauty is Nature in perfection; circularity is its chief attribute. Behold the full moon, the enchanting golf ball, the domes of splendid temples, the huckleberry pie, the wedding ring, the circus ring, the ring for the waiter, and the "round" of drinks. — O. Henry
It was a pleasant cafe, warm and clean and friendly, and I hung up my old water-proof on the coat rack to dry and put my worn and weathered felt hat on the rack above the bench and ordered a cafe au lait. The waiter brought it and I took out a notebook from the pocket of the coat and a pencil and started to write. — Ernest Hemingway
I went into a restaurant one night and ordered lobster, and the waiter brought me one with a claw missing. I called him over and told him about it. He told me that in the back there's a tank they keep the lobsters in and while they're in there, they fight and sometimes one loses a claw. I told him 'then bring me a winner.' — Al McGuire
The impulse to acquisition, pursuit of gain, of money, of the greatest possible amount of money, has in itself nothing to do with capitalism. This impulse exists and has existed among waiters, physicians, coachmen, artists, prostitutes, dishonest officials, soldiers, nobles, crusaders, gamblers, and beggars. — Max Weber
I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip. — Jack Benny
Learn to take losses quickly and cleanly. There is something about inside information which seems to paralyze a man's reasoning powers. Beware of barbers, beauticians, waiters - or anyone - bringing gifts of 'inside' information or tips. Don't try to be a jack of all investment. Stick to the field you know best. — Bernard Baruch
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas." — Frank Carson
The best tournament that I have ever played in was in 1950. It was great - a waiter came to you during the game, and you could order anything you wanted to drink (even some vodka, if you liked). Pity, there are no longer tournaments organized in this manner. — Boris Spassky
Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them; they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato. — Jim Gaffigan
For we have come by different ways to this place... I can tell by the natural ease with which you wear fine clothes and the way your mouth moves when you speak with waiters in good restaurants. You have come the way of castles and cathedrals, of elegance and empire. — Robert James Waller
Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else - and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian? — Djuna Barnes
I was afraid to board a streetcar because of the conductor; I was afraid to enter the Kabuki Theater for fear of the usherettes standing along the sides of the red-carpeted staircase at the main entrance; I was afraid to go into a restaurant because I was intimidated by the waiters furtively hovering behind me waiting for my plate to be emptied. — Osamu Dazai
When I was a waiter, I wanted to be the best waiter I could be and worked to be better at it every day. — Robert Herjavec
I'm thinking waiters and waitresses are going to be bracing for more customers coming in going, not just kind of where is that beef from, but, like, where is that vanilla from and what's up with that sunflower oil? Is it organic or not and how many pesticides? — Michael Moss
I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky. — Jane Fonda
...the waiter has to come from a place of concentration, subjugation, and complete, limitless service. Nothing is too much trouble. The customer is always right, even when he is wrong. There is no limit to what you will do to serve while that person is in your bar and in your care. — Stuart Wilde
You noodle around with tempo and sound until you get the perfect fit for that particular song, and then, so long as you can sustain it, God is on your side and everything comes easily and even the waiters smile. — Wilfrid Sheed
Software substitution, whether it's for drivers or waiters or nurses ... it's progressing. ... Technology over time will reduce demand for jobs, particularly at the lower end of skill set. ... 20 years from now, labor demand for lots of skill sets will be substantially lower. I don’t think people have that in their mental model. — Bill Gates
I like it when the waiter askes you if you want parmesan cheese on your dinner, yeah, give me essence of puke all over me tea! — Lee Evans
The etiquette of intimacy is very different from the etiquette of formality, but manners are not just something to show off to the outside world. If you offend the head waiter, you can always go to another restaurant. If you offend the person you live with, it's very cumbersome to switch to a different family. — Judith Martin
Worship is first and foremost a feasting on all that God is for us in Jesus... [One] in which God is the host, the cook, the waiter, and the meal itself. — Sam Storms
There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again. — Bill Bryson
I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so. — Chelsea Handler
I first understood the changes that were necessary in this world, because the waiters in the restaurant, when I cried, used to say, "Leave her on the hillside to die. She's only a girl baby." I think they said it somewhat as a joke, maybe not, but it made me understand that being born female in this world was very different from being born male. — Grace Lee Boggs
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.' — Tommy Cooper
When you find a waiter who is a waiter and not an actor, writer, musician or poet, you've found a jewel. — Andre Soltner
In Conclusion
Which quotation resonated with you best? Did you enjoy our collection of waiter quotes? Or may be you have a slogan about waiter to suggest. Let us know using our contact form.
Citation
Feel free to cite and use any of the quotes in this collection of waiter quotations. For popular citation styles(APA, Chicago, MLA), please use this citation page.
