My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers. — Emo Philips
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. — Shelley Winters
I'm pretty sure Adele and James Blunt were dumped by the same man. — James Blunt
I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though. — Anthony Jeselnik
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp. — Johnny Carson
Sometimes your friends are your lovers, or have been at one time. — Axl Rose
You may have even an ex-wife or an ex-husband, but you can never have ex-children. — George Foreman
My husband said it was him or the cat. I miss him sometimes. — Zsa Zsa Gabor
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. — Woody Allen
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. — Jim Samuels
It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. — Chuck Palahniuk
A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part. — Redd Foxx
You never really know a man until you have divorced him. — Zsa Zsa Gabor
She's a good girl, crazy about Elvis, loves horses, and her boyfriend, too. — Tom Petty
Someday you'll miss her like she missed you. Someday you'll need her like she needed you. Someday you'll love her and she won't love you. — Channing Tatum
Your Ex Quotes
When your ex says ‘You’ll never find anyone like me’. Say ‘that’s the point’. — Drake
Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane. But I got a blank space baby, and I'll write your name. — Taylor Swift
First you have nothing, and then, astonishingly, after ripping out your brain and your heart and betraying your friends and ex-lovers and dreaming like a zombie over the page till you can't see or hear or smell or taste, you have something. — T.C. Boyle
Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola. — Alexa Chung
I said, "It seems like you have fond feelings toward your ex-wife. Are you two still close?" "Nah," he said casually. "She thinks I changed my name to Motherfucker." — Elizabeth Gilbert
When you gotta go out and make a movie to pay for the kid's private school and for the three ex-wives, don't talk to me about your artistry. It's their job. It's not my job. It's my calling. — Quentin Tarantino
It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal. — Charlaine Harris
I sent my ex-husband a bully card: You held hate in one heart and spoke niceties with the other, you laid warm hands upon me in public and wounded me in private, your noble face hid your filthy ways, and your sorrow was but laughter. — Jenny Jay
It's amazing, the look in your eyes, like you could save me, but you won't even try — Matt Nathanson
Ex Girlfriend Quotes
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool. — Anthony Jeselnik
I did an interview once where I was asked who I found attractive and I went on about cartoons and Nala from 'The Lion King' - and it's a bit weird but various of my ex-girlfriends actually did look like Nala. — Eddie Redmayne
I ask a lot because I'm very curious - especially about ex-girlfriends. I'm pretty good at getting the answers, too. — Brittany Murphy
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him. — Emo Philips
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it. — Anthony Jeselnik
Being alone is scary, but not as scary as feeling alone in a relationship. — Amelia Earhart
Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Unknown Author
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend. — Demetri Martin
For me, I still have feelings for all of my ex-girlfriends. In different parts of my life, I would miss that person. There's something that drew me to that person, and I shared something with them. — Miles Teller
Actually, when you're doing something you love, even when you're busy and it's hectic you don't feel the need to relax. I never used to take holidays and it would upset ex-wives and girlfriends, but working has me in a better mood than doing nothing. — Al Murray
Ex Wife Quotes
The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia. — Paul Gascoigne
It helps to be able to be alone. 'Cuz writing is done alone, unless you collaborate, but I don't do that. Ask my ex-wife. — Dirk Benedict
Someone called all the newspapers in New York and told them I'd died. I've been told by almost everyone it was an ex-wife - I've had a few so it's hard to pinpoint which one - but who knows for sure? — Richard Pryor
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist. — Woody Allen
She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box. — Evel Knievel
And me having kids, with my family history? My mom: mentally ill, shot and killed her last husband. My father: six ex-wives, four heart attacks. Both of my parents think alcohol is a food group. — Christopher Titus
Besides Bob Satterfield, the only ones who ever hurt me were my ex-wives. — Jake LaMotta
Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. — Bruce Lansky
Our ex-wifes always harbour secrets about us that make them irresistable. Until, of course, we remember who we are and what we did and why we are not married anymore. — Richard Ford
You ask me about my ex-wife? That is not polite. But I will answer. I got another wife now. Much younger, much nicer, much prettier. And so much more intelligent than Benetton.' — Oliviero Toscani
Ex Boyfriend Quotes
I am a dreamer but when I wake, you can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take — James Blunt
I get some female attention from fans, but mostly it's people asking for advice about a situation with their ex or their boyfriend, so it's not all love letters and fan mail! — Matthew Hussey
I collect ex-boyfriends -- and more than five, at last count. — Jasper Fforde
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
And life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball. — Damien Rice
It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care — James Blunt
You never date someone's ex-boyfriend. Period. That's not even the unspoken rule - that's the spoken rule. — Eva Longoria
Sooner or later we'll be looking back on everything and we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening — Michael Tolcher
Forever always seems to be around when it begins, but forever never seems to be around when it ends — Ben Harper
I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends, of course, not Paris, would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.' — Paris Hilton
Ex-wife Quotes
My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez. — James Woods
It's not because I'm bitter or because I don't agree with him politically. I've always been a registered Republican. But it's bad taste to talk about ex-husbands and ex-wives, that's all. Also, I don't know a damn thing about politics. — Jane Wyman
I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. — Woody Allen
I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order. — Sam Kinison
I talked to ex-wives of musicians of the '70s for research. They're the funniest people in the world, yet there is this sad, beautiful thing in their eyes that says they've seen more than they could ever possibly tell you — Kate Hudson
An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country. — Helen Rowland
Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. ... There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife. — David Letterman
The founder of every ex-gay ministry in America has proved to be an extraordinary failure. The two founders of Exodus International, [the world's largest 'ex-gay' organization], divorced their wives to move in together. — Wayne Besen
I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!' — Marilyn Manson
Losing is like my ex-wife... it's a b****, and it takes a bigger man than me to live with it. — Don Frye
Ex Husband Quotes
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. — Lee Trevino
I saw my ex-husband in the street. I was sitting on the steps of the new library. Hello, my life, I said. We had once been married for twenty-seven years, so I felt justified. He said, What? What life? No life of mine. — Grace Paley
One of my ex-husbands thought I had a breast job. They looked bigger. I just got the proper lingerie. — Sayings
My mother was an ex-nun, and my father was a Franciscan brother, so I grew up believing in Jesus the way anyone would believe in Mom's first husband. — John Fugelsang
[On her first meeting with he ex-husband, Steven Seagal:] He reminded me of an alien. — Kelly LeBrock
It's about prioritizing. Just take it one step at a time. Do the best that you can. I'm a mom and I have two husbands - an ex husband and a next husband. It's a blended family and it's very hard to keep things together, but we're happy and we live in love. Djimon and I are so happy. — Kimora Lee Simmons
The only thing that bothers me is that the girls come up to me and say, "I'm dating your ex-husband." I'm happy that he's dating girls and getting out. — Janet Jackson
In some instances, alimony has become akin to a social-welfare program provided by working women to their ex-husbands. — Diane Garnick
I have a scar on my right arm from my ex-husband. He was cooking and he had a hot pot and he turned around and went right into my arm. — Nadine Velazquez
Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex's new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate's ex and any new mate that your new mate's ex has acquired. — Delia Ephron
Never does any pride enter the heart of a man except that his intelligence decreases by the same amount. — Muhammad al-Baqir
I couldn't catch a ball if it had Elmer's Glue all over it. And my father had to be this ex-football star. He didn't know what to tell his friends, so he told them all I had Polio. On Father's Day, I used to limp for him. — Matthew West
Everyone has a bookplate these days, and the collectors are after it. The fool and his bookplate are soon parted. To distribute one's ex libris is inanely to destroy the only significance it has, that of indicating the past or present ownership of the volume in which it is placed. — Thomas Bailey Aldrich
I read Warren Zevon's bizarre biography, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead." His wife, Crystal Zevon, posthumously published a journal he wrote and some interviews with ex-band members. Like [Keith] Richards's book "Life," it's brutally honest. — Dave Barry
I know one gay ex-Mormon who is a talented, self-destructive alcoholic. Whenever he is drunk and going on a tear, we are back to the Mormon Church and his being thrown out of the Mormon Church and growing up with this sense of being evil. — Andrew Solomon
I got caught kissing my dad's ex-girlfriend - at his wedding! — Lee Ryan
Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead. — Jay Leno
There was a man named Robert Dear who in court said he was a warrior for the babies, whose ex-wife talked about his Christian beliefs motivating his desire to attack and murder three people, including a police officer, in Colorado.That man is a Christian. He`s an avowed Christian. He appears to have acted on those Christian beliefs to undertake that act of violence. — Chris Hayes
Jews with unconventional identities should not have to wrestle alone at the intersection where their tradition seems to clash with their integrity as loving human beings. Like Moses responding to the travail of his brothers (Ex. 2:11), a caring halachic Jewish community should respond seriously to the heartfelt appeal of our contemporary sisters. — Vanessa L Ochs
I was the biggest George Harrison fanatic in the world. He was raised Catholic; my parents are both ex-clergy, so I was raised Catholic, and I admired how he used his faith. — John Fugelsang
You will not easily get a man to believe that his carnal love for the woman he has made his wife is as high a love as that he feltfor his mother or sister. — D. H. Lawrence
Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he's arguing with three people at once, it's his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress. — Jay Leno
Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him. — David Letterman
When I say I had a cosmic confidence that we were capable of writing good music, I'm speaking about that time when we met Sam [Fogarino]. Greg [ex-drummer] is actually a really great drummer and a great guy. I never want to sound like I am belittling his contributions in the early days, but when Sam joined, there was an immediacy of, like, "Here we go." — Paul Banks
There are reports that President Obama and his family may move to New York City after his term is over. Unfortunately, the city is so expensive, he's looking for another ex-president to be roommates with. — Jimmy Fallon
We have created new idols. The worship of the ancient golden calf (cf. Ex 32:1-35) has returned in a new and ruthless guise in the idolatry of money and the dictatorship of an impersonal economy lacking a truly human purpose. The worldwide crisis affecting finance and the economy lays bare their imbalances and, above all, their lack of real concern for human beings; man is reduced to one of his needs alone: consumption. — Pope Francis
To his ex-wife in court, he said I lost interest in you when the Botox lost its effect and you looked like a plastic doll that escaped from a fire. — Peter Jackson
As far as we can reach, He Who Is, and God, are the special names of His Essence; and of these especially He Who Is, not only because when He spoke to Moses in the mount, and Moses asked what His Name was, this was what He called Himself, bidding him say to the people 'I Am has sent me' (Ex. 3:14), but also because we find that this Name is the more strictly appropriate. — Gregory of Nazianzus
Steve Forman strafes the south Florida scene with Boca Knights, an outrageously funny mystery novel with a raft of offbeat characters and prose that moves trippingly off the pen. His main man, Eddie Perlmutter, ex-Boston cop attempting semi-retirement in Boca Raton like a fish trying to retire out of the water, is a character for the ages. Carl Hiaasen, watch your back. — Douglas Preston
My ex-wife was trying to be nice once, so she took me to a concert in Los Angeles. I went with her to Symphony Hall, and the orchestra was playing. When the show started, the spotlight was sharp on this one man (Andres Segovia) and he had sombrero on and his guitar propped up like this and, oh man ... he was a master ! - I really heard it. That one guitar sounded like a whole orchestra to me. — B. B. King
But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was. — Rachel Vincent
Why were we fighting if you had that kind of power?" In unison, every ex-Dark-Hunter and Nick said, "Just because you can doesn't mean you should." "And sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right," Wulf said. When the other guys looked confused by his solo outburst, he added, "I guess I'm the only one he ever said that one to. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
The phone rang, picked up, and the same male voice announced, “Chris Powers." "Hey there, Chris. Are you aware it's a felony to make threats over the phone?" To give Powers his fair due, he got over his shock within a split second. “Try it, asshole. I dare you. My lawyers will have you for lunch.” He clicked off again. I did what any red-blooded American male would do. I called my big, ex-cop ex-boyfriend. — Josh Lanyon
My ex—may he soon discover tiny worms have invaded his body and are slowly eating him alive—once told me God made men so perfect because He'd wanted to make up for the inadequacies of women. — Gena Showalter
me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe. mom:... me: i'm kidding about the axe part. — David Levithan
Look at the ex-demon with his big boy pants on now. — Rob Thurman
I don't care what is written," Meyer Landsman says. "I don't care what supposedly got promised to some sandal-wearing idiot whose claim to fame is that he was ready to cut his own son's throat for the sake of a hare-brained idea. I don't care about red heifers and patriarchs and locusts. A bunch of old bones in the sand. My homeland is in my hat. It's in my ex-wife's tote bag. — Michael Chabon
In Conclusion
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