Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant. — Washington Irving
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. — Max Eastman
A sense of humor is just common sense dancing. — William James
I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. — W. Somerset Maugham
The best humor is offered up to you by the stupidity of your opponents. — Barney Frank
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. — Christopher Morley
Humor is just another defense against the universe. — Mel Brooks
Humor was a good way to hide the pain. — Rick Riordan
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. — Peter Ustinov
A sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to our steps as we walk the tightrope of life. — Arabic Proverbs
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. — Aristotle
Short Humorous Golf Quotes
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. — Mark Twain
Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 pecent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation. — Grantland Rice
Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. — Amy Alcott
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens. — Bob Hope
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. — Kevin Costner
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!" — Henny Youngman
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. — Gene Perret
Those years on the golf course as a caddie, boy, those people were something. They were vulgar, some were alcoholics, racist, they were very difficult people to deal with. A lot of them didn't have a sense of humor. — Martin Sheen
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it. — Jimmy Demaret
Funny Golf Quotes
Luck is predictable; the harder you work, the luckier you get. — Brian Tracy
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. — Lee Trevino
It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it. — Jack Nicklaus
Don't be absurd! Nobody made us! We evolved by chance from snowflakes. ~ Light humor to demonstrate the fact that there is a creator for everything.
You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. — Bobby Jones
I never learned anything from a match that I won. — Bobby Jones
The older I get, the better I used to be. — Lee Trevino
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me. — Seve Ballesteros
The most important shot in golf is the next one. — Ben Hogan
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. — Lee Trevino
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. — Confucius
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. — Bruce Lansky
Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture. — Winston Churchill
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. — Henry Beard
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. — Brian Weiss
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. — John Updike
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. — Gene Perret
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. — Bob Hope
Playing Golf Quotes
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies. — Bobby Jones
A smart girl is one who knows how to play tennis, golf, piano -- and dumb. — Marilyn Monroe
I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. — Don Rickles
You might as well praise a man for not robbing a bank as to praise him for playing by the rules. — Bobby Jones
The real way to enjoy playing golf is to take pleasure not in the score, but in the execution of strokes. — Bobby Jones
I wasn't this nervous playing golf when I was drinking. It's the first tournament I've won on the PGA Tour in a sober manner, so it's a great feeling knowing I can do it sober. I don't think two years ago I could have pulled this off. — John Daly
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course — Bobby Jones
When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth. — Bernie Mac
Golf is the only game I know of that actually becomes harder the longer you play it. — Bobby Jones
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
Great Golf Quotes
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something. — Peter Jacobsen
Never concede the putt that beats you. — Harry Vardon
You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. — Lee Trevino
For this game you need, above all things, to be in a tranquil frame of mind. — Harry Vardon
Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. — Sam Snead
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. — Lee Trevino
You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them. — Jimmy Demaret
A leading difficulty with the average player is that he totally misunderstands what is meant by concentration. He may think he is concentrating hard when he is merely worrying. — Bobby Jones
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. — Ben Crenshaw
Good Golf Quotes
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. — Mark Twain
All seasoned players know, or at least have felt, that when you are playing your best, you are much the same as in a state of meditation. You are free of tension and chatter. You are concentrating on one thing. It is the ideal condition for good golf. — Harvey Penick
Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive. — Harvey Penick
No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you a playing a game. You are playing old man par. — Bobby Jones
I am tired of all these golfers who are happy with second place. The only one who will like you if you come in second place is your wife and your dog. And that is only if you have a good wife and a good dog. — Gary Player
A good player who is a great putter is a match for any golfer. A great hitter who cannot putt is a match for no one. — Ben Sayers
John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him. — Nick Faldo
It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot. — Nubar Gulbenkian
Golf is a game you can never get too good at. You can improve, but you can never get to where you master the game. — Gay Brewer
Golf Love Quotes
Golf is like love. One day you think you are too old and the next day you want to do it again. — Roberto De Vicenzo
I used to think that elder love, if it even existed, was confined to rocking chairs or golf carts, that it had to be a dull business because of the physical limitations of age. — Nora Johnson
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game. — Phil Blackmar
My dad's method in his madness was to try every sport and then observe what I liked. I played football, tennis, golf, cricket but I loved my snooker. — Ronnie O'Sullivan
Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling. — Madonna Ciccone
I love baseball, but being here (in the United States), I've been able to play golf every day. I can't play in Japan because every course has caddies, and the caddies all want autographs and don't want to let me golf. — Ichiro Suzuki
Does Grandpa love to baby-sit his grandchildren? Are you kidding? By day he is too busy taking hormone shots at the doctor's or chip shots on the golf course. At night he and Grandma are too busy doing the cha-cha. — Hal Boyle
They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? — Casey Stengel
Golf Life Quotes
The main idea in golf as in life, I suppose is to learn to accept what cannot be altered and to keep on doing one's own reasoned and resolute best whether the prospect be bleak or rosy. — Bobby Jones
The rewards of golf, and of life too I expect, are worth very little if you don't play the game by the etiquette as well as by the rules. — Bobby Jones
If there is one thing I have learned during my years as a professional, it is that the only thing constant about golf is its inconstancy. — Jack Nicklaus
Golf without bunkers and hazards would be tame and monotonous. So would life. — B. C. Forbes
I get as much fun as the next man from whaling the ball as hard as I can and catching it squarely on the button. But from sad experience I learned not to try this in a round that meant anything. — Bobby Jones
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. — Lee Trevino
I mean, I can actually say goodbye to the game of golf, never hit another golf shot the rest of my life and I'd be happy because I can get back in life without any rotation. — Greg Norman
A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. — Mac O'Grady
Life is full of many minor annoyances, and few matters of real consequence. — Harvey Penick
Golf Course Quotes
Emerald as heavy as a golf course, ruby as dark as an afterbirth, diamond as white as sun on the sea. — Anne Sexton
You can spend the money on new housing for poor people and the homeless, or you can spend it on a football stadium or a golf course. — Jello Biafra
Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But such is certainly not the case. — Bobby Jones
In order to win, you must play your best golf when you need it most, and play your sloppy stuff when you can afford it. I shall not attempt to explain how you achieve this happy timing. — Bobby Jones
You know I need that cockiness, the self-belief, arrogance, swagger, whatever you want to call it, I need that on the golf course to bring the best out of myself. So you know once I leave the golf course, you know that all gets left there. — Rory McIlroy
A lot of my buddies also played golf, but when it came to going to the beach or on the boat and chasing girls, they usually went that way and I went to the golf course. — Mike Weir
Of course, money matters to everyone even if some don't want to admit it. If I won the Race to Dubai, I look at that prize money and think it could pay off my new house or the range I'm building. I am privileged to play golf for a living - look around St Andrews, that's my office. — Sayings
Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. — Red Skelton
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. — Lee Trevino
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. — Groucho Marx
Golf Putting Quotes
Who can say I have a bad swing? The only thing that matters in golf is the score you put on the board. You don't have to look pretty out there, you have to win. Look at my record and tell me who has a better swing than mine. — Lee Trevino
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. — Pete Dye
Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting. — Peter Dobereiner
The more I practice, the luckier I get. — Jerry Barber
A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed. — Henry Beard
The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it. — Bob Allen
I've heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. — Ernest Hemingway
Pawn endings are to Chess what putting is to golf — Cecil Purdy
Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt. — Sam Snead
That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf. — Bill Bailey
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap. — Dave Barry
Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out. — Anne, Princess Royal
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. — Don Adams
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. — Bob Hope
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. — Ben Hogan
A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf. — Anthony Jeselnik
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. — George Brett
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. — Jack Nicklaus
If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot. — Sam Snead
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. — P. G. Wodehouse
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses... — Adlai Stevenson I
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better. — Tim Allen
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P. J. O'Rourke
There is absolutely nothing humorous at the Masters. Here, small dogs do not bark and babies do not cry. — Gary Player
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. — Billy Graham
The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise. — Tommy Bolt
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that. — Gardner Dickinson
I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games. — Ben Hogan
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. — Tom Mulligan
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward. — Ken Venturi
Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome. — Bob Hope
I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur. — Bob Hope
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot." — Bill Engvall
If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it. — Ray Romano
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs. — Henny Youngman
In Conclusion
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