Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . . — Jackie Mason
She [my wife] has supported me and enabled me to achieve what I’ve achieved so far. — Micky Watkins
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. — Henny Youngman
Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. — Euripides
I want my wife to wake me up with a sweet kiss — Lee Donghae
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. — Rodney Dangerfield
I wouldn't be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago — Barack Obama
There are so many people that have helped me along the way! The person I have to give most credit for would be my wife. — Micky Watkins
A good wife and health is a mans best wealth. — Proverbs
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. — Henny Youngman
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife. — David Ogilvy
A woman is a flower in a garden; her husband is the fence around it. — African Proverbs
A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. — Zimbabwean Proverbs
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. — Groucho Marx
Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there. — Andrew Jackson
An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband. — Booth Tarkington
I'm married but the special man is my dog, Henry. — Ana Gasteyer
I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me. — Ted Alexandro
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. — Charles Baudelaire
Top 10 My Wife Quotes
I was a queen, and you took away my crown; a wife, and you killed my husband; a mother, and you deprived me of my children. My blood alone remains: take it, but do not make me suffer long. — Marie Antoinette
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. — Rodney Dangerfield
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it. — Anthony Jeselnik
My wife actually got worried about my drinking so much regular milk, you know, so she got me into rice milk and now soy milk, which I greatly enjoy. A soy mocha's a fine thing. — Willie Nelson
I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it. — Gene Wilder
I have taken a wife, I have sold my sovereignty for a dowry.
[Lat., Uxorem accepi, dote imperium vendidi.] — Plautus
Johns Hopkins introduced me to two defining events in my life: commitment to biomedical research and meeting my future wife, Mary. — Peter Agre
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did — Henny Youngman
I dragged my wife from our honeymoon in Africa and landed her in Ontario, Canada, when it was -40 degrees. — Ryan Reynolds
My attachment to my wedding ring is a powerful symbol of the infinite love that I have for my wife and children. — Gad Saad
We're all consumers. The consumer is not a moron; she is your wife.
Proud Of My Wife Quotes
I've led three lives: the acting part, wife and mother - which is a career - and international relations. I'm proud of my career, the first one, and I'm proud of the other two, too. — Shirley Temple
I was lucky to have my wife as the art director, and it turned out to be quite something - a great success. I'm very proud of it. — Helmut Newton
My wife says that I changed people's lives or ways of thinking and that I should always be proud and grateful. If I'm dismissive of what we do sometimes, a little bit, she's like, "I was a fan, you changed my life," or whatever. That's what she says. — Stephen Malkmus
There are three faithful friends an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
My wife, as proud as she was of me, hated show business for good reasons. There was something about the spouse always being pushed out of the way, shoved aside. She wanted to get away from it. — Dick Van Dyke
I love my kids, I'm a proud father, a happy husband, and all of that. I live my life with my wife as a normal person, and that's that. — Kevin Federline
Earlier in life, I put family in front of faith. I've fixed that. But I always tried to keep work fourth on the list. I was proud when [my wife] Nellie told an interviewer, 'I never could tell whether John had a good practice or a bad practice, because he never brought it home' — John Wooden
My wife says I spend my life trying to teach white folks. I'm not so sure I'm proud of it, but she's right. — Derrick Bell
I support myself. My wife and I together - it's all our household. I'm really proud of that. — Armie Hammer
It's time for me to do things I like so I will be happy, my wife will be happy, my friends will be happy. I just want to do something I'm proud of. It's time for me to change. I could sign with a company for 10 movies and I'm the king of video and so what? — Jean-Claude Van Damme
I go home at the end of the day and I rarely talk about what I did that day. So my wife's experience is just like that of anybody else whose husband goes away to a blue collar job and comes home bruised and dirty and often proud of the work that they're doing. — Adam Savage
Missing My Wife Quotes
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. — Ilie Nastase
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him. — Henny Youngman
Let’s just say it’s not a stereotype that Black women are less submissive and harder to deal with. Being around them Black women made me really miss my wife. — Taye Diggs
It's with a heavy heart that I have decided that I can't relocate. I have two babies under 4. Being a mother and wife comes first, and I just cannot uproot my children and separate the family by moving away. I will miss this job desperately and wish everyone the absolute best. — Alyssa Milano
I am sober, grounded, focused, I'm writing again, I like where I am. I'm real positive and I got this great family that came along with my wife - I'm happily married and she's a great part of me that was missing - and I feel real good. — Joe Walsh
I don't see dramatic television because my wife is a political junkie, and we have 12 sets going night and day so she doesn't miss a word walking from room to room. — Robert Vaughn
We used to go to the pictures every Saturday night but we had to leave a little bit early and get home and watch Match of the Day - and my wife still complains she missed the last five minutes of every film we saw. — Brian Clough
I am less selfish. But I am more insistent on being part of the creative experience. I find I am a better mother, lover and wife when I am writing. When my daughter was small I wasn't writing as much and I didn't miss it. — Helen Slater
I don't let nobody sign for my money. Me and my wife write our own checks. So, if there's some money missing, we know how it got missing. — Steve Harvey
I'm sort of a cavedweller: I miss my house, my yard, my kitchen, my wife. The trees. When I get home, I like to get down into my office neighborhood as soon as I can. — John Darnielle
Thankful For My Wife Quotes
I want to thank my wife who I don't normally usually associate with Iran. I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It's good. It is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with! — Ben Affleck
I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!' — Marilyn Manson
I just want to thank [my wife] for loving me where I was weak. — Ray Rice
I always thought I'd be the one to go first. ... The world might be mourning an Everly Brother, but I'm mourning my brother Phil Everly. My wife Adela and I are touched by all the tributes we're seeing for Phil and we thank you for allowing us to grieve in private at this incredibly difficult time. — Don Everly
It was Lisa, aged five, whose mother asked her to thank my wife for the peas we had sent them from our garden. 'I thought the peas were awful, I wish you and Mrs. Thurber were dead, and I hate trees,' said Lisa. — James Thurber
My husband was an Air Force pilot man years ago and recently an Air Force wife thanked me for my service! I laughed and said, 'No, I wasn't in the Air Force, my husband was!' And she smiled and said, 'If he served, you served. And thank you.' — Robyn Carr
We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York. — Darius Rucker
My wife never knew she'd be married to a 90-year-old. And I've prayed that I wouldn't be a crabby old coot, but a happy, joyous man who would let her know each day how much I love her and thank her for her loving care. — Cliff Barrows
I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. That was not a blanket commitment that if you go and slander and attack Heidi that I'm going to nonetheless come like a servile puppy dog and say thank you very much for maligning my wife and maligning my father. — Ted Cruz
I like to remember what I have to be thankful for. When it gets bad, I usually list them out loud to my wife and myself. Helps me maintain a balanced perspective. — Allen Evangelista
Will You Be My Wife Quotes
My wife always says that I will be stuck with this forever: I am the difficult one. With Jack Nicholson they always said it was drugs. Warren Beatty is supposed to have screwed everything that jumped off the curve. I'll tell you, in reality a few of us had as many girls as Warren. — Dustin Hoffman
I was painting her portrait in the little studio, and when I came to the eyes I stopped, overcome by emotion, and said to her, 'Have you understood me?' She nodded affirmatively. 'Will you be my wife?' I asked. She made the same affirmative sign. — Jules Breton
My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous. — Bill Cosby
And in her [Eleanor Roosevelt] letters, she writes the most, you know, fanciful letters: when we are together, and when we are reunited, and you know, I will be your surrogate wife. Of course she doesn't use that word, but I will be the mother to my brothers, and I will be your primary love. — Blanche Wiesen Cook
It was months later when I was sitting at the board in my studio and my wife would stick her head in and say, "What if you did Pooh and...oh, we don't do that anymore." I do have my soapbox and will go to my grave being a Disney company man. — Mike Royer
The others were only my wives. But you, my dear, will be my widow. — Sacha Guitry
Do you ask why I am unwilling to marry a rich wife? It is because I am unwilling to be taken to husband by my wife. The mistress of the house should be subordinate to her husband, for in no other way, Priscus, will the wife and husband be on an equality. — Martial
My wife and I were never happy here. Spain can be narrow-minded, and provincial. In LA you don't have to justify yourself. I think I will leave here again soon and move back there. — Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Will you do me the honor of being my wife? — Cassandra Clare
I want to talk to you. I want to listen to you. I want to walk with you and, yes, I want you in m bed. That's what I want today. That's what I'll want in a hundred years. If you promise to be my wife forever, I will pledge myself to your happiness. — Christina Dodd
Love My Wife Quotes
As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever
decide to leave, she is coming with me." — Jon Bon Jovi
I want to say a little something that's long overdue, the disrespect to women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends, I wanna offer my love and respect till the end. — Adam Yauch
I find myself enjoying a deeper love than I ever imagined was possible in the form of my daughter and certainly in the union with my wife. It makes everything else, including work, which is one of the things I'm most passionate about, pale by comparison. — Benjamin Bratt
I love Japanese and Thai food, especially seafood, and eat out with my wife two or three times a week. — Pierre Dukan
There was a time when I thought I loved my first wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it, is what I'd like to know. I wish someone could tell me. — Raymond Carver
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own. — Si Robertson
I call upon my God to judge me, he knows that I love my friends and above all others my wife and children, the, oppinion of the world to contrary notwithstanding. — Stand Watie
My health is wonderful. I work out. I'm working. Playing music. I have a beautiful wife, a nice home, a nice car, I got money in the bank. I got three beautiful dogs that love me. Like I said, I'm blessed. I survived. — Steven Adler
Yeah, Dundee was great. It was a great film. I fell in love with my Mexican wife on Dundee. — Sam Peckinpah
I Love My Wife Quotes
My most memorable meal is every Thanksgiving. I love the food: The turkey and stuffing; the sweet potatoes and rice, which come from my mother's Southern heritage; the mashed potatoes, which come from my wife's Midwestern roots; the Campbell's green bean casserole; and of course, pumpkin pie. — Douglas Conant
My wife and I were actually driving in the south of France when we got the word that Kelly Clarkson had come out that 'The Plant Paradox' had changed her life. I'm a big fan of hers. I like her music and I would love to work with her. — Steven Gundry
I just do things I really enjoy. I enjoy acting. When I'm driving to the studio, I sing in the car. I love my work and my wife and my kids and my friends. And I think, 'You're a lucky man, Gregory Peck, a damn lucky man.' — Gregory Peck
Funding has been the hardest part, and my wife has been extremely supportive both when I decided to leave my job, and even when I re-mortgaged our home and put equity into the project. I am lucky to have such a loving and supportive partner. — Nirmal Purja
My wife could turn to me and she may say, 'Why do you love me?' And I can with all honesty look her in the eye and say, 'Because our pheromones matched our olfactory receptors.' — Robin Ince
I love my wife, she deserves anything and everything. — Aaron Spelling
Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did, and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did. — Martin Andersen Nexø
My wife is as handsome as when she was a girl, and I...fell in love with her; and what is more, I have never fallen out. — Abraham Lincoln
When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving? — Wanda Sykes
A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. — Gaspard Mermillod
My Wife And Kids Quotes
We found that our kids enjoy those simple adventures we take as a family. I'm driving, my wife's the copilot and we give one kid a choice of what they want to go do. We eat a lot of bad food and sleep in some interesting hotels. — Mark Consuelos
Not to belittle what we do as actors, but my wife Helen is a teacher, and she makes a real difference to kids. So it's unusual to see people thinking of us as something special. — Colin O'Donoghue
Life was good to me. I had a great wife, good kids, money, my own health -- and I'm lonely and bored. — O. J. Simpson
There's something therapeutic about nudity ... Take away the Gucci or Levi's and we're all the same. — Kevin Bacon
I really enjoy sailing on Lake Geneva because I can just look at the shore and see my wife having a barbecue with the kids. — Ernesto Bertarelli
And me having kids, with my family history? My mom: mentally ill, shot and killed her last husband. My father: six ex-wives, four heart attacks. Both of my parents think alcohol is a food group. — Christopher Titus
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. — Jeff Foxworthy
I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.' — Adam Sandler
I wake up to my three dogs and my wife in bed and the kids, and those are the best gifts that I have. — Mike Ness
The happiest I have ever been is in the life that I led with my wife and kids. — Dan Chaon
Loving Wife Quotes
When a man finds a good woman and treats her the way she deserves to be treated it will change his Life. God favors a man that finds his wife and Loves her the way God Loves her — Tony Gaskins
How little wives may realize that a biting, stinging word in the morning will rob a husband of efficiency the whole day long. But a loving, tender, beautiful word—a little prayer word—will fill him with music and will lead him into victory. — Kenneth E. Hagin
The Greatest Happiness is to scatter your enemy and drive him before you. To see his cities reduced to ashes. To see those who love him shrouded and in tears. And to gather to your bosom his wives and daughters. — Genghis Khan
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. — Irwin Corey
He that loves not his wife and children feeds a lioness at home, and broods a nest of sorrows. — Jeremy Taylor
With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life. — Dean Martin
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. — Franz Schubert
Some love the priest and some love the priest’s wife — Greek Proverbs
A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night. — Chanakya
Beautiful Wife Quotes
In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self. — William Penn
I have a fantastic wife, and not only in terms of external beauty. Her priority and mine is our children. That is our choice. — Luis Figo
My wife Ricky is my muse. Her personal style and natural beauty have always been my inspiration. — Ralph Lauren
It's a real gift to have a husband and wife in the company that love each other and that work together. They check on each other emotionally and physically. That's beautiful to me. — Judith Jamison
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. — H. L. Mencken
The joys of my life are my granddaughters. They are beautiful. You don't have to believe me. You can ask my wife. She'll tell you. — Dom DeLuise
If you start praising your wife, if you start telling her how beautiful she is, and how glad you are to have her in your life, when you talk about the good, you will draw out the good. If you talk about the negative, you'll draw out the negative. It's up to you. — Joel Osteen
I don't need to go into office for the power. I have houses all over the world, stupendous boats... beautiful airplanes, a beautiful wife, a beautiful family... I am making a sacrifice. — Silvio Berlusconi
Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist - whatever. — Les Paul
I have a ridiculously beautiful wife who's super sexy, and as long as she's happy with me, I don't need to look in the mirror and think, "How do I stack up next to Bradley Cooper? Would Cooper rock this shirt?" Doesn't matter. He does not have your wife. You do. — Nick Offerman
Great Wife Quotes
A good football coach needs a patient wife, a loyal dog and a great quarterback - but not necessarily in that order. — Bud Grant
The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property - either as a child, a wife, or a concubine - must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. — Winston Churchill
Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them. — Dorothy L. Sayers
Next time I go to a movie and see a picture of a little ordinary girl become a great star… I’ll believe it. And whenever I hear my wife read fairy tales to my little boy, I’ll listen. I know now that dreams do come true. — Jackie Robinson
I was given such a great gift. It's a miracle that never stops amazing me and reminding me to give thanks, every day. Having a wife and daughter gives me a lot more purpose. I was much more selfish before, but now I think about what kind of role model I'll be. I just want to be a better man. — Jake Owen
From the poetry of Lord Byron they drew a system of ethics compounded of misanthropy and voluptuousness,-a system in which the two great commandments were to hate your neighbour and to love your neighbour's wife. — Thomas B. Macaulay
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off — Red Skelton
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. — Henny Youngman
It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel - they get to know each other better. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I discover that some of the Eastern papers represent me as a great blasphemer, because I said, in my lecture on Marriage, at our last Conference, that Jesus Christ was married at Cana of Galilee, that Mary, Martha, and others were his wives, and that he begat children. — Orson Pratt
I like writing books. I'd rather be at home with my wife. I can write, take a break, come out, have a glass of tea, give my wife a kiss, and go back in and write some more. It's not so bad. I am really lucky. — Gene Wilder
The pig is the most shameless animal on the face of the earth. It is the only animal that invites its friends to have sex with its mate. In America, most people consume pork. Many times after dance parties, they have swapping of wives; many say 'you sleep with my wife and I will sleep with your wife.' If you eat pigs then you behave like pigs. — Zakir Naik
My great-grandfather used to say to his wife, my great-grandmother, who in turn told her daughter, my grandmother, who repeated it to her daughter, my mother, who used to remind her daughter, my own sister, that to talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but that an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop. — Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair? — Henny Youngman
I don't have 30 days and 30 nights, to show you why all the hoochies say there's nothing finer than Scott Steiner, but all I need is one night to have your wife call me for the rest of her life, the big bad booty daddy, so this goes to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, hollar if you hear me. — Scott Steiner
My wife understood a crucial spiritual principle I'd yet to grasp. You can stand in the light. And you can set a positive example. But you simply cannot make someone change. — Rich Roll
Well, I always say that the two things I was most disastrous at in my life, being a teenager and being a wife, were the two things I really wound up cashing in on when I was writing fluffy magazine pieces. — Ann Patchett
I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.' — Henny Youngman
I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign! — Bill Engvall
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run. — Bill Engvall
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. — Jack Benny
You are criticizing me for my fashion statement. My wife keeps on criticizing me for my blank bank statement — Arvind Kejriwal
We made one film called Thy Neighbor's Wife in which I got flogged at the public whipping post for adultery. I did my best acting in that film, I guess. — Cleo Moore
Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other. — Anton Chekhov
Well I live in Vienna with my wife and son, and I teach in Hamburg, there will be no changes in that respect. — Gyorgy Legeti
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house! — Henny Youngman
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. — Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. — Jimmy Durante
I've never won an argument with my wife; and the only time I thought I had I found out the argument wasn't over yet. — Jimmy Carter
My wife is so hot so I don't care it I lose every stage of the 2015 Tour to Kittle. Yea, he's got cool hair but my wife is super hot. — Mark Cavendish
Because wherever I am today, I still owe it to God and I owe it to two men - the Honorable Elijah Muhammad and Malcolm X and of course, two very special women, my mother and my wife. — Louis Farrakhan
Both my assistant and my wife tell me that during battle scenes, when a character is making a 'guwaa' sort of face, my face also ends up going 'guwaa.' So afterwards, my whole face is tired. — Akira Toriyama
I don't sleep much. I'm on the go. My mind is racing. My wife says my mind is like the rolling dials on a slot machine. So, yeah, I think about everything. — Bill Walton
I knew that my niece was working nearby with some bank, so my wife rang up the mother and the mother called back to say that shes just called up to say she was alright. — Lee Kuan Yew
The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia. — Paul Gascoigne
The fact is I do feel very Spanish, like when I’m talking to my wife and daughter in Spanish at two in the afternoon. I even think in Spanish when I get angry! — Antoine Griezmann
I didn't realize puppy mills were a problem until my wife, Bessy, and I got our first dog, Cannoli. — Joe Gatto
In Conclusion
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