Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. — Aristotle
Cleverness is like rouge - liberal application makes a woman look common and desperate. Wit is knowing how to apply it. — Tessa Dare
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. — Christopher Morley
Reason leavened with a little wit (if possible) is the real alternative to hate speech, meaning that there's no better time for it. — Walter Kirn
Wit as an instrument of revenge is as infamous as art is as a means of sensual titillation. — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
The laughter of the aphorism is sometimes triumphant, but seldom carefree. — Mason Cooley
Short Witticism Quotes
A man often runs the risk of throwing away a witticism if he admits that it is his own. — Jean De La Bruyere
An epigram is a flashlight of a truth; a witticism, truth laughing at itself. — Minna Antrim
He who cannot shine by thought, seeks to bring himself into notice by a witticism. — Voltaire
Witticisms are fire-arms, that make a noise and give pain. — Eugenie de Guerin
If you write something wrong enough, I'll be glad to make up a new witticism just for you. — Larry Wall
Every witticism is an inexact thought; that which is perfectly true is imperfectly witty. — Walter Savage Landor
I can resist anything but the temptation to make a clever witticism. — Oscar Wilde
So why did you get shot? One of your witticisms go awry? (Nekoda) — Sherrilyn Kenyon
I saw that my witticism was unperceived and quietly replaced it in the treasury of my mind. — Flann O'Brien
Witticism Image Quotes
Witty Quotes
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. — A. A. Milne
The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. — Edward Abbey
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! — Billy Connolly
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed! — William Shakespeare
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. — Emo Philips
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? — George Carlin
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. — George Carlin
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? — George Carlin
God created sex. Priests created marriage. — Voltaire
Very Witty Quotes
The superfluous, a very necessary thing. — Voltaire
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. — George Carlin
Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed. — Charles M. Schulz
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through. — Rodney Dangerfield
I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals. — Emma Thompson
They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much. — Malcolm Cowley
The voice of Thich Nhat Hanh-friendly, patient, steadfast, confident, contemporary, and often witty-seems, to me, an intermediary big brother talking directly to me on every page saying, 'Look! It's right there in you,' the very wisdom that leads to compassion. — Sylvia Boorstein
Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play. — William Congreve
There are three estates in Parliament but in the Reporters' Gallery yonder there sits a Fourth Estate more important far than they all. It is not a figure of speech or witty saying, it is a literal fact, very momentous to us in these times. — Edmund Burke
I don't think there's any harm at all in allowing a kid to fantasize. In fact, I think to stop people from fantasizing is a very destructive thing indeed. — J. K. Rowling
Wittgenstein Quotes
One of the things that makes Wittgenstein a real artist to me is that he realized that no conclusion could be more horrible than solipsism. — David Foster Wallace
Wittgenstein's ruler: Unless you have confidence in the ruler's reliability, if you use a ruler to measure a table you may also be using the table to measure the ruler. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Future generations may or may not judge Wittgenstein to be one of the great philosophers. Even if they do not, however, he is sure always to count as one of the great personalities of philosophy. From our perspective it is easy to mistake one for the other; which he is time will tell. — A.C. Grayling
Well, what does "good" mean anyway? As Wittgenstein suggested, "good," like "game," has a family of meanings. Prominent among them is this one: "meets the criteria or standards of assessment or evaluation." — John Searle
Wittgenstein once wrote that when the eye sees something beautiful, the hand wants to draw it. I wish I could draw you. — Nicole Krauss
I can't quite see the point of poems like "Wittgenstein Goes for a Walk with A Hawk in Sherwood Forest." I know they're trying to be clever, but they're not. — Andre Naffis-Sahely
Religious life is about something real in human experience that is not constrained by what Wittgenstein called 'all that is the case'. In this sense Heidegger is not simply 'mistaken' - he just asks us, as philosophers mostly do, to think more carefully about what we're saying. — George Pattison
Wittgenstein imagined that the philosopher was like a therapist whose task was to put problems finally to rest, and to cure us ofbeing bewitched by them. So we are told to stop, to shut off lines of inquiry, not to find things puzzling nor to seek explanations. This is intellectual suicide. — Simon Blackburn
... the body, normally, is never in question: our bodies are beyond question, or perhaps beneath question - they are simply, unquestionably, there. This unquestionability of the body, is, for Wittgenstein, the start and basis of all knowledge and certainty. — Oliver Sacks
Ludwig Wittgenstein once said that names are the only things that exist in the world. Maybe that's true, but the problem is that as time passes by, names do not remain the same - even if they don't change. — Victor Pelevin
Witty Sayings Quotes
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. — Honore de Balzac
My contributions were many: First clown director, with witty sayings and flashily dressed, now called master of ceremonies. — Jelly Roll Morton
I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited. — Oscar Wilde
I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored. — Louis C. K.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. — Dorothy Parker
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought — Robert Breault
My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah." — Mike Stud
Given a choice between hearing my daughter say "I'm pregnant" or "I used a condom", most mothers would get up in the middle of the night and buy them herself. — Joycelyn Elders
Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. — Larry Gelbart
A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other. — Mary Jo Putney
My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce. — Joyce Brothers
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. — Herbert V. Prochnow
Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people. — Jonathan Franzen
All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage. — Lord Byron
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one. — Rita Rudner
Between the action sequences, the pleasure lies in observing impeccably dressed Brits exchanging barbed witticisms - making it, basically, Downton Abbey with cyber crime and shower sex. — Karina Longworth
I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away - yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth's orbit ——————————— and wanted to shoot myself. — Soren Kierkegaard
Of all failures, to fail in a witticism is the worst, and the mishap is the more calamitous in a drawn-out and detailed one — Walter Savage Landor
Genuine witticisms surprise those who say them as much as those who listen to them; they arise in us in spite of us, or, at least, without our participation,--like everything inspired. — Joseph Joubert
Witticisms please as long as we keep them within boundaries, but pushed to excess they cause offense. — Phaedrus
People who make puns are like wanton boys that put coppers on the railroad tracks. They amuse themselves and other children, but their little trick may upset a freight train of conversation for the sake of a battered witticism. — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I'm always very grateful for stories about the great coffeehouse wits in Vienna at the turn of the last century. People would wait for a chance to stand near the table where the great wits were trading witticisms as a spectator sport because it was that good. They were that on fire and there was no product. They didn't write anything down. It was just the pleasure of engagement with the moment. I think that's my kind of ideal of how I live. — David Salle
As H.L. Mencken once said, 'nobody ever when broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.' Our show [All in the Family] countered that witticism. I think he was wrong. — Norman Lear
to the many, witticisms not only require to be explained, like riddles, but are also like new shoes, which people require to wear many times before they get accustomed to them. — Letitia Elizabeth Landon
One should have wit, but not wish to have it; otherwise there will be witticism, the Alexandrian style of wit. — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
A man of remarkable genius may afford to pass by a piece of wit, if it happen to border on abuse. A little genius is obliged to catch at every witticism indiscriminately. — William Shenstone
Just as the witticism brings two very different real objects under one concept, the pun brings two different concepts, by the assistance of accident, under one word. — Arthur Schopenhauer
Such is life, my fellow-mummers-just like a poor player that bluffs and feints his hour upon the stage, and then cheapens down to mere nonentity. But let me not hear any small witticism to the further effect that its story is a tale told by a vulgarian, full of slang and blanky, signifying-nothing. — Joseph Furphy
When Harel wished to put a joke or witticism into circulation, he was in the habit of connecting it with some celebrated name, on the chance of reclaiming it if it took. Thus he assigned to Talleyrand, in the "Nain Jaune," the phrase, "Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts." — Louis Edouard Fournier
I have always found the suburbs very beautiful – the light, the change of seasons and so on. I am not so interested in the political dimensions of these things. I didn’t have any witticisms to land on suburbia. I was really just interested in how beautiful it was. I felt it was like a dreamscape and once I understood that was how I needed to approach it the dream started to expand in unusual ways. — Bill Henson
Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material. — John Green
You know, I might miss some of your witticisms when you’re gone, but one thing I won’t miss? Your overwhelming sense of melodrama and despair. It’s too much even for me. — Richelle Mead
When they were introduced, he made a witticism, hoping to be liked. She laughed extremely hard, hoping to be liked. Then each drove home alone, staring straight ahead, with the very same twist to their faces. The man who'd introduced them didn't much like either of them, though he acted as if he did, anxious as he was to preserve good relations at all times. One never knew, after all, now did one now did one now did one. — David Foster Wallace
In Conclusion
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