May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise. — Rumi
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. — Ambrose Bierce
Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. — Joyce Brothers
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. — George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers. — Richard Pryor
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? — Dick Clark
Marriage is like a hot bath; once you get used to it, it ain't so hot. — Minnie Pearl
The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him. — Unknown
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. — Rita Rudner
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde
Marriage should be a duet-when one sings, the other claps. — Joe Murray
[Matrimony] is the grave of love. — Giacomo Casanova
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. — Alan King
Marriage Humor Image Quotes
Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
Husband Humor Quotes
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard
God created sex. Priests created marriage. — Voltaire
Mary was fond of dancing, so she found a fiddler for her husband — Greek Proverbs
Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. — Helen Rowland
A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple. — John Florio
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies. — Groucho Marx
Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation.
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. — Erma Bombeck
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously. — W. C. Fields
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. — Mignon McLaughlin
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson
Marriage Jokes Quotes
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx
Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. — Madeleine de Scudery
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. — Herbert V. Prochnow
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. — Henny Youngman
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and halfway closed there after. — James Dobson
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" — Henny Youngman
We simply can't abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.
according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on the shore, 'Do come in, it's so warm' - it is not always warm. — Dinah Maria Murlock Craik
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. — Henny Youngman
[Strong marriage] starts with being married to a remarkable person. And I am. I jokingly say that I stood up in front of a crowd once and said, "Laura's the greatest first lady ever," and then realized my mother was in the audience. — George W. Bush
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. — Helen Rowland
Marriage Advice Quotes
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. — Helen Rowland
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. — Danish Proverbs
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always — Red Skelton
Don't be absurd! Nobody made us! We evolved by chance from snowflakes. ~ Light humor to demonstrate the fact that there is a creator for everything.
A young man should not marry yet, an old man not at all — Greek Proverbs
Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning. — Esther Perel
God speaks with authority on every subject including marriage and His advice trumps Oprah's every time. — Kirk Cameron
What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. — Nathaniel Hawthorne
Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do. — Bettina Arndt
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. — Hemant Joshi
Marriage Wisdom Quotes
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. — Lao Tzu
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. — Nhat Hanh
What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. — Mother Teresa
When talking about marriage, Allah says your spouses are garments for you. A garment may or may not fit perfectly-but either way, it covers imperfections, protects, and beautifies. — Yasmin Mogahed
Absence is to love as wind is to fire: it extinguishes the little flame, it fans the big. — Umberto Eco
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. — Mark Twain
Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life. — Leo Buscaglia
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along. — Rumi
Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. — George Will
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths — Mark Twain
Good Marriage Quotes
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. — Leo Tolstoy
A successful marriage is made up of two good forgivers. — Ruth Graham
A good marriage is where both people feel like they're getting the better end of the deal. — Anne Lamott
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. — Kai Knudsen
A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. — Dallin H. Oaks
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. — Michel de Montaigne
The mark of a good marriage is when only one of you goes crazy at a time! — Heinz Kohut
In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem. — John M. Gottman
One who marries for love alone will have bad days but good nights. — African Proverbs
Marriage Life Quotes
When you love someone, you love the person as they are, and not as you'd like them to be. — Leo Tolstoy
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love. — Robert Fulghum
A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart — Leo Buscaglia
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring. — Oscar Wilde
Years of love have been forgot, In the hatred of a minute. — Edgar Allan Poe
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. — Kahlil Gibran
And so, being young and dipt in folly, I fell in love with melancholy. — Edgar Allan Poe
I have learned that a woman can be a fighter, a freedom fighter, a political activist, and that she can fall in love, and be loved, she can be married, have children, be a mother... Revolution must mean life also; every aspect of life. — Leila Khaled
If you want to follow Jesus because He'll fix your marriage, if you want to follow Jesus because He'll give you a better life, that's idolatry. Follow Christ for the sake of Christ; He is worthy! — Paul Washer
Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature. — Howard Thurman
Healthy Marriage Quotes
I feel that we can't educate children who are not healthy, and we can't keep them healthy if they're not educated. There has to be a marriage between health and education. You can't learn if your mind is full of unhealthy images from daily life and confusion about right and wrong. — Joycelyn Elders
Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. — Louise Hay
Marriage is a public good, not just a private relationship. We have a public stake in healthy marriages and two-parent families. Our society suffers with the collapse of the relationship of the couple who brings a child into the world. — William J Doherty
It is my view that our society can be no more stable than the foundation of individual family units upon which it rests. Our government, our institutions, our schools...indeed, our way of life are dependent on healthy marriages and loyalty to the vulnerable little children around our feet. — James Dobson
It was not a healthy marriage for long time. It was never about another man, it was about what my and Dennis's relationship could not sustain. — Meg Ryan
Marriage provides the solace of worked-on friendship and the joy of being known profoundly. — Imogen Stubbs
Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks. — Jennifer Crusie
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership. — Ann Landers
A good marriage is not one where perfection reigns: it is a relationship where a healthy perspective overlooks a multitude of "unresolvables." — James Dobson
I think long-lasting, healthy relationships are more important than the idea of marriage. At the root of every successful marriage is a strong partnership. — Carson Daly
Strong Marriage Quotes
A strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on those days when they struggle to like each other. — Dave Willis
Love does not come to those who seek it, but to those who give love. It is a binding force between souls who have nothing to give but themselves to one another. — Harold Klemp
Marriage is like a well-built porch. If one of the two posts leans too much, the porch collapses. So each must be strong enough to stand on its own. — Deb Caletti
A strong marriage requires loving your spouse even in those moments when they aren't being lovable; it means believing in them even when they struggle to believe in themselves. — Dave Willis
The old welfare system was hurting people by discouraging work and marriage. Welfare reform, and now this legislation, will build on the understanding that work and strong families are the foundation upon which we build our future. — Jim Talent
It takes something to get married: nerve, hope, a strong desire to make a certain statement - and it takes something to stay married: more hope, determination, a sense of humor, and needs that are best met by being in a pair. — Amy Bloom
Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won't matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength. — Timothy Keller
Love is not weakness. It is strong. Only the sacrament of marriage can contain it. — Boris Pasternak
Whoever invented marriage was an ingenious tormentor. It is an institution committed to the dulling of the feelings. The whole point of marriage is repetition. The best it aims for is the creation of strong, mutual dependencies. — Susan Sontag
Marriage is tough, because it is woven of all these various elements, the weak and the strong. "In love-ness" is fragile for it is woven only with the gossamer threads of beauty. It seems to me absurd to talk about "happy" and "unhappy" marriages. — Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Wedding Marriage Quotes
Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. — Paulo Coelho
There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps. — Ronald Reagan
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. — Irwin Corey
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. — James Dobson
A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late. — Frank Sinatra
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. — Jay Leno
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. — Franz Schubert
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. — Johnny Carson
In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine. — Maya Angelou
Witty Marriage Quotes
Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. — Larry Gelbart
A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other. — Mary Jo Putney
My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce. — Joyce Brothers
Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people. — Jonathan Franzen
All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage. — Lord Byron
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one. — Rita Rudner
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. — Albert Einstein
I love songs about horses, railroads, land, Judgment Day, family, hard times, whiskey, courtship, marriage, adultery, separation, murder, war, prison, rambling, damnation, home, salvation, death, pride, humor, piety, rebellion, patriotism, larceny, determination, tragedy, rowdiness, heartbreak and love. And Mother. And God. — Johnny Cash
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. — Bill Maher
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. — Stephen Hawking
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. — Red Skelton
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. — Groucho Marx
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. — Chris Rock
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. — Paula Deen
The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love. — Bill Cosby
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. — Red Skelton
The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor, because marriage throws you curveballs. It is not easy. — Ann Romney
At the top of the list of what makes a successful marriage, is a sense of humor. — Deborah Kerr
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day. — Jeff Foxworthy
In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table. — Cynthia Heimel
The friendship that we established early on in our marriage ... that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor. — Barack Obama
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin
So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure. — Steve Martin
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony. — Rita Rudner
My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot. — Armistead Maupin
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. — Jacob Braude
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join. — Elbert Hubbard
Remember to build each other up, to strengthen and sustain, to keep companionship lovely and alive. Remember dignity and respect; understanding; not expecting perfection; a sense of humor and a sense of what is sacred and serious; common purposes, common convictions, and the character to stay with a bargain, to keep a covenant - in these are the making of a good and solid marriage. — Richard L. Evans
I liked the premise of this material. I love the marriage relationship. They kind of keep each other honest, and they enjoy each other's sense of humor. Kind of a sexy but boring relationship. — Patricia Arquette
Humor is so culturally based that when I try to tell a joke as me being a white American, if I tell other white Americans, they'll laugh. If I tell an African American, they might not laugh. In fact, they either might not find it funny, or they might find it offensive, and I didn't mean it to be offensive. So these are the sort of little things that build up over time, just like in a marriage. You know, the little things can build up over time. — Michael Emerson
I do find that humor helps in relationships. It certainly helps in my marriage now because I'm a very, very fallible person. And if I wasn't funny I'd be kicked right out the door. — Robert Mankoff
Probably the most important single element that I found in my own marriage was a sense of humor. My wife had a delicious sense of humor, and I think I have an adequate one. — Walter Cronkite
I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational. — David Cross
In Conclusion
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