Girlfriend Quotes

I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you ever could just by pressing her follow button.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut.

I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.

When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head.

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident.

Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

The average person is either a weakling, or just a happy person who wants to get along, or thinks being tough is having big muscles and strutting around town and having a good-looking girlfriend.

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

When your ex says ‘You’ll never find anyone like me’. Say ‘that’s the point’.

I want to fall in love, I think. I've never. I know. Everyone I know's been in love or in relationships now and... There's only ever been... there's been people telling me they love me, but it freaks me out and I just run, run. I think I'm a bad girlfriend.

I say 'cuz' around Bloods, and I say 'blood' around Crips.

..I'm twisted. Got Mary, got Lucy, got Molly: that's wifey, girlfriend and mistress.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow.

I'm older and wiser and I think I'd make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.

My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks.

I haven't been laid in a month. I don't have a girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest.

We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it's a disservice to men.

If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband.

If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

We're getting ready to take over the world. My group of girlfriends - we're renegades.

Domestic Girlfriend - Domestic Girlfriend (Japanese: ドメスティックな彼女, Hepburn: Domesutikku na Kanojo) is a Japanese shōnen manga series written and illustrated by Kei Sasuga. It

Rent-A-Girlfriend - Rent-A-Girlfriend (彼女、お借りします, Kanojo, Okarishimasu) is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Reiji Miyajima. The series began serialization

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is an American romantic musical comedy-drama television series that premiered on October 12, 2015 on The CW and ran for four seasons

The Girlfriend Experience - The Girlfriend Experience is a 2009 American slice of life drama film directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring pornographic actress Sasha Grey. It was

Half Girlfriend - Half Girlfriend is an Indian English coming of age, young adult romance novel by Indian author Chetan Bhagat. The novel, set in rural Bihar, New Delhi

Half Girlfriend (film) - Half Girlfriend is an Indian Hindi-language romantic drama film based on the novel of the same name written by Chetan Bhagat. The film is directed by Mohit

China Rich Girlfriend - China Rich Girlfriend is a satirical 2015 romantic comedy novel by Kevin Kwan. It is the sequel to Crazy Rich Asians, a novel about the wealthy Singapore

The Girlfriend Experience (TV series) - The Girlfriend Experience is an American anthology drama television series created, written, and directed by Lodge Kerrigan and Amy Seimetz and airing

My Girlfriend Is a Gumiho - My Girlfriend Is a Gumiho (Korean: 내 여자친구는 구미호; Hanja: 내 女子親舊는 九尾狐; RR: Nae Yeojachinguneun Gumiho; also known as My Girlfriend Is a Nine-Tailed Fox) is

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

My girlfriend wants an open relationship.

I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone.

Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.

I did an interview once where I was asked who I found attractive and I went on about cartoons and Nala from 'The Lion King' - and it's a bit weird but various of my ex-girlfriends actually did look like Nala.

'Chasing Amy' was an amazing role, but then after that, I went and did 'Big Daddy' and you're the girlfriend or you're the best friend. I wasn't getting the Nicole Kidman roles.

I ask a lot because I'm very curious - especially about ex-girlfriends.

I'm pretty good at getting the answers, too.