45 Funny But True Quotes

Following is our list of the most famous funny but true quotations and slogans. We've compiled this selection of inspirational funny but true quotes. Hopefully, these funny but true quotes will keep you motivated not only during hard times but to expand your funny but true knowledge!

More Funny But True Quotes

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. — Steven Wright

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone. — Zayn Malik

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. — Oscar Wilde

A Brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a Brother. — Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. — Jon Foreman

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. — Phyllis Diller

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. — W. T. Purkiser

India is not, as people keep calling it, an underdeveloped country, but rather, in the context of its history and cultural heritage, a highly developed one in an advanced state of decay. — Shashi Tharoor

When a hunter is in a tree stand with high moral values and with the proper hunting ethics and richer for the experience, that hunter is 20 feet closer to God. — Fred Bear

The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it. — Plutarch

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. — Lew Wasserman

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide. — Mark Twain

One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention. — Clifton Fadiman

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? — George Carlin

It may be true that artists adopt a flamboyant appearance, but it's also true that people who look funny get stuck with the arts. — Quentin Crisp

John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization! — Bill Walton

Would you consider a man or a woman to be complicated? Is it that difficult to understand both the sexes? We say that we know what the other sex is all about, but is that really true? Perhaps the following witty, funny quotes and sayings can help simplify things down about men. — Indira Gandhi

Until a character becomes a personality it cannot be believed. Without personality, the character may do funny or interesting things, but unless people are able to identify themselves with the character, its actions will seem unreal. And without personality, a story cannot ring true to the audience. — Walt Disney

I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within. — Gustave Flaubert

It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness. — Danny Boyle

He who thanks but with the lips. Thanks but in part; the full, the true Thanksgiving. Comes from the heart. — John G. Shedd

The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods. — Theodor Reik

Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union — Rollo May

In the fashion industry, everything goes retro except the prices. — Criss Jami

Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down. . . .The writing is superb. — Elmer Kelton

True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes, and I won't say no - but I'm giving you a definite maybe. — Samuel Goldwyn

I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees. — Scott Adams

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one. — Criss Jami

I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had. — Puff Daddy

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat. — Jeff Foxworthy

Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret. — Mitch Hedberg

I've tried many different types of alarm apps, but the tried and true is the iPhone alarm. I like it because you can label your alarms. For my personal amusement, I've labeled them 3 a.m. for 'ridiculously early,' 3:30 is just 'early,' and 4 is 'slacker.' — Savannah Guthrie

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! — Eoin Colfer

Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be? — Alyson Noel

Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up and she is just so funny and cool and honest and slightly mad and she's all that matters. She is 100% true. She puts on no shows, because she is so comfortable with herself. — Evanna Lynch

Every project you're involved in and any character that you're invested in ... you learn a message from that experience. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but it's true. Its kind of funny the parallel that I drew from that, you kind of learn something and you get to apply it to the next thing. — Kelli Giddish

Art uses many different styles, but his voice is very consistent. He's always concise and clever and funny. That's true of somebody like Chris Ware, who has an emotional quality to his work - but it's boiled down and it's very sober and spare. Each word has great weight. Comics are not just pictures, but it is graphic design in the sense that they are composed and architected in a specific way. — Francoise Mouly

I don't think I'm very much like the person I am on the show. I'm certainly not as ambitious; no, that's not true, I'm kind of ambitious. In a nice way. But there's a part of me. A lot of me. There's a lot of what I think is funny. — Samantha Bee

I love the way Damon Lindelof writes. It's almost like he was channeling me and he had my voice, even though the territory that those lines cover is unpredictable, and goes from raw emotion to laugh out loud funny but always true. — Scott Glenn

I've got one of Darwin's books at home and some of that stuff is pretty damn funny. Some of his stuff is true, like that the giraffe has a long neck so it can reach the leaves. But I just don't think you can swallow the whole piece. — Mel Gibson

I think it's cool to do stuff in a different language. Basically, I learned English through listening to rap. A lot of people think it's funny. But it's true; I used to try to get the accents. — Wyclef Jean

After my first novel, my mother said to me, 'Why don't you make your writing more funny? You're so funny in person.' Because my first novel was rather dark. And I don't know, but something about what she said was true. 'Yes, why don't I?' Maybe I was afraid to be funny in the writing. But since then, seven books later, almost everything I've done has a comedic edge to it. — Jonathan Ames

The movies are funny, in one way, because you think of everyone being as beautiful as the dawn, but that isn't true. — Julian Fellowes

Sweetheart, darling, dearest, it was funny to think that these endearments, which used to sound exceedingly sentimental in movies and books, now held great importance, simple but true verbal affirmations of how they felt for each other. They were words only the heart could hear and understand, words that could impart entire pentameter sonnets in their few, short syllables. — E. A. Bucchianeri

Are people who have been crazy held to unfair standards?Of course, but it's not in your best interest to complain. If you're paranoid and people are looking at you funny it's best to let it pass. Psychotic people have an uncanny knack for making their own worst dreams come true. Depressing things happen to depressed people way beyond what you would expect from random distribution. — Mark Vonnegut

In Conclusion

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