45 Funny Simpsons Quotes

Following is our list of the most famous funny simpsons quotations and slogans. We've compiled this selection of inspirational funny simpsons quotes. Hopefully, these funny simpsons quotes will keep you motivated not only during hard times but to expand your funny simpsons knowledge!

More Funny Simpsons Quotes

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. — Matt Groening

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. — Matt Groening

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. — Matt Groening

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson — Matt Groening

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame. — Oscar Wilde

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. — Matt Groening

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something. — Matt Groening

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women. — Matt Groening

Homer no function beer well without. — Matt Groening

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? — Dan Castellaneta

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming. — Matt Groening

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich. — Matt Groening

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. — Dan Castellaneta

I've always just loved drawing and loved cartoons. Growing up, I loved Disney films, I loved The Simpsons, and I was a big fan of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes and the way that they would have weird fantasy and then down-to-earth funny character comedy. — Alex Hirsch

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. — Matt Groening

Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals. — Arthur Mitchell

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV! — Matt Groening

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me. — Homer

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. — Matt Groening

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad. — Dan Castellaneta

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. — Dan Castellaneta

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. — Homer

Art is what separates us from the animals. — Iimani David

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. — Homer

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. — Matt Groening

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies. — Christopher Titus

Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.' — Matt Groening

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat. — Dave Attell

Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England. — Homer

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman! — Homer

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff. — Matt Groening

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? — Matt Groening

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it? — Matt Groening

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! — Yogi Berra

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson — Matt Groening

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. — Matt Groening

I've always loved The Simpsons, just because it was really, really funny. As a kid, you love the characters. You know that the dad is dumb and frustrated, and you know that the boy is smarter than everyone else around him and is constantly getting into mischief. — Alex Hirsch

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, and I call him Gamblor! — Homer

This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you. — Charles Montgomery

I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now. — Matt Groening

Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow — Homer

I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor. — Sayings

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? — Homer

If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair. — Homer

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God. — Homer

In Conclusion

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