We love to make people laugh - it's just something we do. — James Murray
Funny Simpsons Image Quotes
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
Being Funny Quotes
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. — Groucho Marx
I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat you'll be able to chew your own ass out for pissin' me off. — The Undertaker
Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money... — Fabolous
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart — Leo Buscaglia
I consider myself a crayon... I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture. — Lauryn Hill
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest — Winston Churchill
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't. — William Faulkner
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. — Mark Twain
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. — Donna Roberts
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. — Sigmund Freud
Funny Quotes
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. — John Glenn
Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer! — Martin Luther
Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. — Ashleigh Brilliant
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. — Mark Twain
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. — Dennis Wholey
Trust me, You can dance.
Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch. — Peter The Great
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love. — Robert Fulghum
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. — Will Rogers
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Woody Allen
Simpson Quotes
Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. — Matt Groening
Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. — Matt Groening
OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?' — Norm MacDonald
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay! — Matt Groening
I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. — Matt Groening
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson — Matt Groening
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame. — Oscar Wilde
I'm kind of a dork. I don't have much game. I'm not particularly comfortable in bars or clubs. I much prefer being home playing Scrabble, having dinner with a couple friends, going to see a movie, or losing a whole weekend to Season 14 of Law and Order or The Simpsons. — Wentworth Miller
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. — Matt Groening
When the American people saw the LA riots and crowds of Blacks cheering O.J. Simpson (who was acquitted by the almost all Black jury), they received a peek into their future. — David Duke
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different. — C. S. Lewis
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. — Dorothy Parker
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. — Ann Landers
Careful grooming may take twenty years off a woman's age, but you can't fool a flight of stairs. — Marlene Dietrich
He who is of a calm and happy nature, will hardly feel the pressure of age — Plato
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.
Too many people, when they get old, think that they have to live by the calendar. — John Glenn
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. — Arthur Schopenhauer
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. — Phyllis Diller
Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. — Ogden Nash
Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something. — Matt Groening
First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women. — Matt Groening
Homer no function beer well without. — Matt Groening
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? — Dan Castellaneta
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming. — Matt Groening
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich. — Matt Groening
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. — Dan Castellaneta
I've always just loved drawing and loved cartoons. Growing up, I loved Disney films, I loved The Simpsons, and I was a big fan of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes and the way that they would have weird fantasy and then down-to-earth funny character comedy. — Alex Hirsch
Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. — Matt Groening
Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals. — Arthur Mitchell
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV! — Matt Groening
I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me. — Homer
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. — Matt Groening
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad. — Dan Castellaneta
If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. — Dan Castellaneta
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. — Homer
Art is what separates us from the animals. — Iimani David
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. — Homer
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. — Matt Groening
Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies. — Christopher Titus
Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.' — Matt Groening
Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat. — Dave Attell
Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England. — Homer
But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman! — Homer
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff. — Matt Groening
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? — Matt Groening
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it? — Matt Groening
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! — Yogi Berra
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson — Matt Groening
But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. — Matt Groening
I've always loved The Simpsons, just because it was really, really funny. As a kid, you love the characters. You know that the dad is dumb and frustrated, and you know that the boy is smarter than everyone else around him and is constantly getting into mischief. — Alex Hirsch
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, and I call him Gamblor! — Homer
This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you. — Charles Montgomery
I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now. — Matt Groening
Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow — Homer
I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor. — Sayings
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? — Homer
If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair. — Homer
I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God. — Homer
In Conclusion
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