139 Humorous Christmas Quotes

Following is our list of humorous christmas quotations and slogans full of insightful wisdom and perspective about great christmas.

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Famous Humorous Christmas Quotes

A little smile, a word of cheer, A bit of love from someone near, A little gift from one held dear, Best wishes for the coming year. These make a merry christmas! — John Greenleaf Whittier

At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year. — Thomas Tusser

Christmas has a way of bringing out the best in everyone — Bing Crosby

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies. — Mo Rocca

It's Christmas time and my rhyme's steady bumpin. Everybody happy, hair still nappy, Gonna steal a gift for my old grandpappy. — Snoop Dogg

every idiot who goes about with a 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. — Charles Dickens

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. — Mary Ellen Chase

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. — Peg Bracken

Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child. — William Saroyan

Christmas is the day that holds all time together. - Alexander Smith

Christmas is the day that holds all time together. — Alexander Smith

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so. — Stephen Leacock

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. — Kin Hubbard

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. — Bill Vaughan

Christmas is the season of joy, of holiday greetings exchanged, of gift-giving,and of families united. — Norman Vincent Peale

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. — Garrison Keillor

Christmas Quotes

A Christian should resemble a fruit tree with real fruit, not a Christmas tree with decorations tied on — John Stott

For Christians, as for all people of faith, reflection, meditation and prayer help us to renew ourselves in God's love, as we strive daily to become better people. The Christmas message shows us that this love is for everyone. There is no one beyond its reach. — Queen Elizabeth II

If we could condense all the truths of Christmas into only three words, these would be the words: 'God with us.' — John F. MacArthur

Humorous christmas quote Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

Rejoice, that the immortal God is born, so that mortal men may live in eternity. — Jan Hus

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox. — Anthony Jeselnik

Biceps are like ornaments on a Christmas tree. - Ed Coan

Biceps are like ornaments on a Christmas tree. — Ed Coan

Humorous christmas quote Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

We tend to focus our attention at Christmas on the infancy of Christ. The greater truth of the holiday is His deity. More astonishing than a baby in the manger is the truth that this promised baby is the omnipotent Creator of the heavens and the earth! — John F. MacArthur

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows. — Johnny Marks

The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart. — Mencius

Jesus was God and man in one person, that God and man might be happy together again. — George Whitefield

Great Christmas Quotes

Pressure is something you feel when you do not know what you are doing. - Chuck Noll

Pressure is something you feel when you do not know what you are doing. — Chuck Noll

To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect. — Oren Arnold

Love is like the little red toy wagon you get for your Christmas or your sixth birthday. It makes you deliriously happy and you just can't leave it alone. But sooner or later the wheels come off. Then you leave it in a corner and forget it. Falling in love is great. Being in love is a disaster — Mario Puzo

Humorous christmas quote Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. — Bob Phillips

Fragrance is a very personal gift, and I think that's why it makes a great Christmas gift. There's a very distinct signature to it, so if you give it as a gift, I like to think that it's from a person that thinks very highly of you. — Ryan Reynolds

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand. — Dr. Seuss

Humorous christmas quote Don't be absurd! Nobody made us! We evolved by chance from snowflakes. ~ Light humor to demonstrate
Don't be absurd! Nobody made us! We evolved by chance from snowflakes. ~ Light humor to demonstrate the fact that there is a creator for everything.

Not a creature was stirring, not even an elf. — Charlaine Harris

Great little One! whose all-embracing birth Lifts Earth to Heaven, stoops Heaven to Earth. — Richard Crashaw

There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance — Joseph Addison

Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people. — Samuel Johnson

Merry Christmas Quotes

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself. — Charles Dickens

You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look up into the Father's face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift. — John R. Rice

It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you. — Mother Teresa

Humorous christmas quote He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

Sing hey! Sing hey! For Christmas Day; Twine mistletoe and holly. For a friendship glows In winter snows, And so let's all be jolly! At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year — Thomas Tusser

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white. — Irving Berlin

Love came down at Christmas, Love all lovely, Love Divine; Love was born at Christmas; Star and angels gave the sign. — Christina Rossetti

Humorous christmas quote One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day.

Don't let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone. — Taylor Caldwell

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. — Laura Ingalls Wilder

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. — Shirley Temple

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. — Eric Sevareid

Cute Christmas Quotes

A lot of sequins for New Year's! Red, green, white - I fail at all of that because I'm always in black. But for Christmas, I do love wearing cute dresses with tights and a pair of boots. — Ashley Benson

I love a good madeira cake. Nice and simple. The most important thing is that a cake is moist. Most people overcook cakes, which dries them out. — Mary Berry

There is no hope of joy except in human relations. — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Humorous christmas quote Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. — Andy Borowitz

A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! — Charles Dickens

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. — Jerry Seinfeld

Humorous christmas quote Christmas children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
Christmas children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.

Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? — Gilbert K. Chesterton

There is magic in the memory of schoolboy friendships; it softens the heart, and even affects the nervous system of those who have no heart. — Benjamin Disraeli

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. — Andy Borowitz

I'm shocked at how much I'm into Christmas pillows. There's cheesiness, obviously, but then there's really cute ones that are metallic that say "Ho Ho Ho" or "Merry" or cute vintage needlepoint ones. — Emily Henderson

Christmas Greeting Card Quotes

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. — Hamilton Wright Mabie

Remember This December, That love weighs more than gold! — Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon

Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind. — Helen Steiner Rice

O Christmas Sun! What holy task is thine! To fold a world in the embrace of God! — Guy Wetmore Carryl

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. — Johnny Carson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. — Kin Hubbard

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. — William Thomas Ellis

the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you — John Greenleaf Whittier

For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home. — William Jewett Tucker

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. — William Thomas Ellis

Christmas Card Quotes

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day. - Helen Steiner Rice

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day. — Helen Steiner Rice

Thou shalt call his name Jesus. He shall save his people from their sins. - Leonard Ravenhill

Thou shalt call his name Jesus. He shall save his people from their sins. — Leonard Ravenhill

Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. — Norman MacEwen

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it. — Emo Philips

One can never have enough socks — J. K. Rowling

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. — Phyllis Diller

Heap on more wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still. — Walter Scott

Christmas is more than a time of music, merriment and mirth; it is a season of meditation, mangers and miracles. Christmas is more than a time of carols, cards and candy; it is a season of dedication and decision. — William Arthur Ward

Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone. — Charles M. Schulz

Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts. — Joan Winmill Brown

Christmas Movie Quotes

I’ll continue to make videos as long as I have the time and people continue to watch my videos, but eventually I’d like to mainstream into TV or movies. — Ryan Higa

Know what you're talking about. — George H. W. Bush

A real man makes his own luck. — Billy Zane

I think we felt the pressure more at first than this time around. But still you don't want to let anyone down. I never even met Patrick until we had a Christmas party at Ian McKellen's house on the first movie and then I didn't see him again until the premiere. — Rebecca Romijn

On Christmas, my family and I see a movie and go out for Chinese food. We dont celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense, in that we do not actually celebrate Christmas. — Eden Sher

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause! — George S. Kaufman

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. — Karolyn Grimes

My favorite traditional Christmas movie that I like to watch is All Quiet on the Western Front. It's just not December without that movie in my house. — Tom Hanks

Fantastic! Right in the middle of that long stretch between Christmas and Spring Break, your coats are getting dirty, everything's dark, dingy - what a great time for a movie! — John Hughes

Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he? — Henry Travers

Christian Christmas Quotes

Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries. He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races. He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries. — George W Truett

Peace on earth, and mercy mild God and sinners reconciled. — Charles Wesley

Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, ‘What else could this mean?’ — Shannon Alder

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state. — Samantha Bee

Christmas is not just a day, an event to be observed and speedily forgotten. It is a spirit which should permeate every part of our lives. — William Parks

We were created to manifest the glory of God on the Earth. Let your light shine! — Folorunsho Alakija

Family life is fragmenting in this modern age, but it’s up to all of us to keep it together. — Mary Berry

When you say the word ‘Neymar’ around the world, everyone knows who he is and what he does. — Paul Pogba

Who can add to Christmas? The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. The only requirement is to believe in Him. The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life. — Corrie Ten Boom

Authority in Christ can only be retained and increased as you witness about the Lord Jesus Christ. — Enoch Adeboye

Religious Christmas Quotes

The very purpose of Christ's coming into the world was that He might offer up His life as a sacrifice for the sins of men. He came to die. This is the heart of Christmas. — Billy Graham

The hinge of history is on the door of a Bethlehem stable. — Ralph Washington Sockman

All the Christmas presents in the world are worth nothing without the presence of Christ. — David Jeremiah

He was created of a mother whom He created. He was carried by hands that He formed. He cried in the manger in wordless infancy. He, the Word, without whom all human eloquence is mute. — Saint Augustine

Nothing in fiction is so fantastic as is this truth of the Incarnation. — J. I. Packer

Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. — Andy Borowitz

Where's Barack Obama when Christmas references are being erased from civic calendars? Is he crying out in defense of religious liberty and our First Amendment? Nope. He's as silent as a church mouse. And animosity toward religion continues to grow. — Chuck Norris

I am always amazed by the novel angles that people come up with for kids' Christmas books. Even if a family is not religious, who could resist, say, "Olive, the Other Reindeer," about Olive the dog who thinks the song refers to her and heads for the North Pole to help Santa out? — Jabari Asim

Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. — George Matthew Adams

Christmas day is a day of joy and charity. May God make you very rich in both. — Phillips Brooks

Christmas Song Quotes

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know, Where the tree tops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. — Irving Berlin

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know. — Irving Berlin

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? — Bob Hope

When I was five my parents bought me a ukulele for Christmas. I quickly learned how to play it with my father's guidance. Thereafter, my father regularly taught me all the good old fashioned songs. — Tony Visconti

I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world. — Norman Vincent Peale

A song was heard at Christmas To wake the midnight sky: A saviour's birth, and peace on earth, And praise to God on high. The angels sang at Christmas With all the hosts above, And still we sing the newborn King His glory and his love. — Timothy Dudley-Smith

We hear the cuckoo’s voice; Then sweet songs of the turtle dove and finch are heard. Soft breezes stir the air. — Antonio Vivaldi

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever. — Bess Streeter Aldrich

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. — Oren Arnold

Happy Day After Christmas, Merry Rest of the Year, even when Christmas is over, The Light of the World is Still Here! — Matthew West

People Writing About Humorous Christmas

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Read quotes by John Greenleaf Whittier

John Greenleaf Whittier
quotes on education, life and love

181 833
Read quotes by Thomas Tusser

Thomas Tusser
quotes on education, love and life

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Read quotes by Bing Crosby

Bing Crosby
quotes on life, love and carol burnett

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Read quotes by Mo Rocca

Mo Rocca
quotes on culture, life and leadership

43 110
Read quotes by Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg
quotes on love, life and hoes

166 7015
Read quotes by Charles Dickens

Charles Dickens
quotes on love, christmas and life

1001 11529

More Humorous Christmas Quotes

I have comedic things in my stuff, but I don’t consider myself a comedian. I’m just a YouTuber, I guess just a personality. — Ryan Higa

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor. — Charles Dickens

It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour. — Charles Dickens

That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year." "Why?" Isabelle said. "So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means. — Cassandra Clare

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. — Jeff Foxworthy

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's." — Frank Carson

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist. — Andy Rooney

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. — W. C. Fields

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. — Steven Wright

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. — Jeff Foxworthy

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. — Tom Sims

Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts. — Max Lucado

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. — Publilius Syrus

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. — Jeff Foxworthy

What's in that pipe that he's smoking? — Arlo Guthrie

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead. — Jay Leno

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! — Rodney Dangerfield

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.' — Marc Maron

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket. — Craig Ferguson

In Conclusion

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