And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke? — Syd Barrett
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. — Maya Angelou
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Love is an orchid which thrives principally on hot air. — Myrtle Reed
Love is all you need. — Paul McCartney
Love is a serious mental disease. — Plato
Laughter is inner jogging. — Norman Cousins
We that are true lovers run into strange capers. — William Shakespeare
Love Joke Image Quotes
Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it with love.
Joke Love You Quotes
I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.' — Paul Feig
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers. — Richard Pryor
The wrong kind of guy to fall in love with is the guy who will let go of the steering wheel as a joke. A guy who finds it amusing to make you uncomfortable, which is more common than you'd think, is someone you want to avoid. — An Na
The secret to living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure.
I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. — Henny Youngman
Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song. — Conrad Gessner
It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier. — Tommy Chong
Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. — Elizabeth Bishop
My devils and angels, fears and hopes, insights and stupidities, loves and loathings, are what they are. I don't edit them out so much as try to make them interesting - whether I am talking to you, or writing a poem, or joking with my kids, or speaking on television. — Robert Pinsky
Marriage Jokes Quotes
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx
Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. — Madeleine de Scudery
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
Marriage is not a joke. It is not like food that you can spit out when it is too hot to chew. —
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. — Herbert V. Prochnow
If I cut you off chances are you handed me the scissors.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and halfway closed there after. — James Dobson
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" — Henny Youngman
according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on the shore, 'Do come in, it's so warm' - it is not always warm. — Dinah Maria Murlock Craik
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. — Henny Youngman
Funny Jokes Quotes
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! — Billy Connolly
Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money... — Fabolous
If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again. — Stan Laurel
To love a person is to see all of their magic, and to remind them of it when they have forgotten.
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender. — Daniel Tosh
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying. — Sayings
Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.
They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny. — Theo Von
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. — Jack E. Leonard
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg. — Ricky Gervais
Love Question Quotes
I love you because I love you, because it would be impossible not to love you. I love you without question, without calculation, without reason good or bad, faithfully, with all my heart and soul, and every faculty. — Juliette Drouet
On the question of relating to our fellowman - our neighbor's spiritual need transcends every commandment. Everything else we do is a means to an end. But love is an end already, since God is love. — Edith Stein
Life is the question and life is the answer, and God is the reason and love is the way. — Johnny Cash
I hope to arrive to my death, late, in love and a little drunk.
In this universe we are given two gifts: the ability to love and the ability to question. Which are, at the same time, the fires that warm us and the fires that scorch us. — Mary Oliver
Faith is not a question of the existence or non-existence of God. It is believing that love without reward is valuable. — Emmanuel Levinas
There are four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love. — Lord Byron
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.
Go back in time. Next question go and look at dinosaurs. I would be sitting on a rock looking at a T- Rex, loving life. — Oliver Sykes
The only meaningful thing we can offer one another is love. Not advice, not questions about our choices, not suggestions for the future, just love. — Glennon Melton
The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. — Randy Pausch
Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering. — Nicole Krauss
Marriage Humor Quotes
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. — Albert Einstein
God created sex. Priests created marriage. — Voltaire
Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. — Jay Leno
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. — Johnny Carson
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always — Red Skelton
A strong person loves, forgives, walks away, lets go, tries again, perseveres... No matter what life throws at them.
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. — Bill Maher
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. — Helen Rowland
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. — Stephen Hawking
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. — Oscar Wilde
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it — Donald M. Fraser
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead. — Ann Landers
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago! — Greg Giraldo
Being single is pretty good. It's a nice sense of irresponsibility. — Michael Douglas
Love Problem Solve Quotes
Intelligence is what you use when you don't know what to do. — Jean Piaget
Life is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be had. — Alan Watts
The best thing that can happen to a human being us to find a problem, to fall in love with that problem, and to live trying to solve that problem, unless another problem even more lovable appears. — Karl Popper
The secret of success is to find a need and fill it, to find a hurt and heal it, to find somebody with a problem and offer to help solve it. — Robert H. Schuller
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. — Barbara Johnson
The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience. — Frank Herbert
Whatever your problem, it is but a test in love. If you meet that test through love, your problem will be solved. If you do not meet that test through love, your problem will continue until you do! Your problem is your initiation in love. — Catherine Ponder
Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to just stop caring. — Jon Mead
Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy. — Dean Koontz
If we can fall in love with serving people, creating value, solving problems, building valuable connections and doing work that matters, it makes it far more likely we're going to do important work — Seth Godin
Bad Jokes Quotes
There is no bad time to laugh. I always joke, even five minutes before a game. It’s not bad to stay a little immature. — Kylian Mbappe
We didn't like to do the traditional prank show where we felt bad for people having jokes pulled on them. — Joe Gatto
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. — Joan Rivers
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun. — Sayings
I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren't as bad as they seem. — Ronnie Wood
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent. — Daniel Tosh
When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show. — Jeff Dunham
The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one. — Julius Charles Hare
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one? — George Bernard Shaw
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes. — Zac Efron
Humorous Love Quotes
Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly — Paulo Coelho
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Woody Allen
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. — Lewis Grizzard
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. — Groucho Marx
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. — Melanie Griffith
Haters are just confused admirers because they can't figure out the reason why everyone loves you. — Jeffree Star
It takes a moment to tell someone you love them, but it takes a lifetime to prove it. — Erich Fromm
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. — Groucho Marx
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. — George Burns
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. — Hamilton Wright Mabie
Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress. — Lil Wayne
The Mexican...is familiar with death. [He] jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and his most steadfast love. — Octavio Paz
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby kisser. No joke. — Jessica Capshaw
We fell silent and all joking ceased. We gazed mutely into each other's eyes and an intense longing for the fullest avowal of the truth forced us to a confession, requiring no words whatever, or the incommensurable misfortune that weighed upon us. With tears and sobs we sealed a vow to belong to each other alone. — Frederic Chopin
It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are sexy. We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. — Daniel Dennett
We’re built to deal with death, disease, failure, struggle, heartbreak, problems. It’s what separates us from the animals and why we envy and love animals so much. We’re aware of it all and have to process it. The way we each handle being human is where all the good stories, jokes, art, wisdom, revelations, and bullshit come from. — Marc Maron
It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are sexy. We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. — Dan Dennett
If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love. — Amy Carmichael
She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man. — W. Somerset Maugham
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started. — Billy Connolly
I can't even really tell a joke. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it and I feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth. I love my work but it ain't easy. — Madeline Kahn
I think some of the best sex writing is going to come from the unexpected sources, not the same old same old. Like I'd love to see a memoir by a submissive man, because we've seen one from a professional submissive and dommes and strippers and hookers. I'd love to see more men writing frankly, not jokingly, about sex. — Rachel Kramer Bussel
All womankind, from the highest to the lowest love jokes; the difficulty is to know how they choose to have them cut; and there is no knowing that, but by trying, as we do with our artillery in the field, by raising or letting down their breeches, till we hit the mark. — Laurence Sterne
I never met a pig I didn't like. All pigs are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls. They all love company. They all crave contact and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief; most of them seem to enjoy a good joke and appreciate music. And that is something you would certainly never suspect from your relationship with a pork chop. — Sy Montgomery
Tis now the very witching time of night, when churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. — William Shakespeare
I love ebola jokes. When done in the right way, maybe it gets people to learn about ebola, to learn about the stigmas behind the identities held by Africans and so on. — Trevor Noah
Joke I read somewhere: They say that God is the innermost dweller of all. Well I hope He likes enchiladas - cause that's what He's getting! Love delights and glorifies in giving, not receiving. — Meher Baba
[The Outsiders] was very competitive, in the best possible way. Full of love, full of companionship and fellowship, pranks and practical jokes and ball-busting. — Rob Lowe
Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the "spirits" of things. — Dee Snider
Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they would joke that I had a Roman nose - that it was roamin' all over my face. Teasing was their way of showing love, but then you are young, sometimes you can't tell the difference. — Neil Strauss
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. — Brian Weiss
Gentle dullness ever loves a joke. — Alexander Pope
The truth is always an insult or a joke, lies are generally tastier. We love them. The nature of lies is to please. Truth has no concern for anyones comfort - Arturo Binewski. — Katherine Dunn
I was saying as a joke the other day that I love film editing, I know how to cut a picture, I think I know how to shoot it, but I don't know how to light it. And I realize it's because I didn't grow up with light. I grew up in tenements. — Martin Scorsese
I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day. — Neil Peart
Words. I'm surrounding by thousands of words. Maybe millions...Deep within me, words pile up in huge drifts. Mountains of phrases and sentences and connected ideas. Clever expressions. Jokes. Love songs...I have never spoken one single word. I am almost eleven years old. — Sharon M. Draper
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke. — Hugh Elliot
Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the dirtier, I'm afraid the more ethnic, the better. I don't think he brought very much to the presidency, except charisma and success. — Walter Cronkite
I think for a lot of people, bowling is sort of a joke. But I love it, and it means a lot to me, so any chance to help promote it or celebrate it or not make the hackiest jokes - 'Bowlers are like plumbers and they wear the craziest shirts!' - I'm way into. — Chris Hardwick
I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes. — Carson Daly
When I played Lady Day, I took Aba onstage with me as a joke. He started singing-in tune!-and the audience loved it. — Eartha Kitt
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