quote by Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

— Billy Connolly

Tremendous famous comedian quotes that are about female comedian

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready.

I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.

When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me.

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis.

I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood.

I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.

In the dark times, if you have something to hold on to, which is yourself, you'll survive.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.

I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.

The three toughest fighters I ever fought were Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Robinson. I fought Sugar so many times, I'm surprised I'm not diabetic.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention.

.. that antenna is always out there.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich.

If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen.

If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is.

I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

Keep laughing. As long as you’re laughing you still have hope.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

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Paintal (comedian) - better known as Paintal (born 22 August 1948), is an Indian actor and comedian. He started off as a comic actor and moved on to teaching the art of acting

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Ali (actor) - too old to be a child actor he struggled to get roles and later became a comedian in Tollywood. Director S. V. Krishna Reddy gave him break as a lead actor

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

Men who think deeply appear to be comedians in their dealings with others because they always have to feign superficiality in order to be understood.

Look at what you could have won!

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I could be a comedian. I could be a gangster. I could play all of those parts, even for the first time... I'm versatile.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

We should never judge a day by its weather.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

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