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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. Stephen Hawking
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get. Arnold Palmer

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. Katharine Hepburn

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Kevin James

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. Tim Allen

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. Moon Unit Zappa
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P. J. O'Rourke

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works. Steve Jobs

Authors with quotes about funny
Don Rickles
Joan Rivers
Jerry Seinfeld
Spike Milligan

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