People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.