quote by Mark Twain

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

— Mark Twain

Powerful short funny quotes that are about sister funny

Funny quote To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.

Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Funny quote Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change.

Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Funny quote I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.

I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.

41

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep;

whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest. Until your Good is Better, and your Better is your Best.

Funny quote Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Funny quote Trust me, You can dance.

Trust me, You can dance.

23

I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.

And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Funny quote I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

Funny quote From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money...

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection

Funny quote Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

You have to really believe not only in yourself;

you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Funny quote Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure can rent it for awhile.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

Funny People - Funny People is a 2009 American comedy-drama film written, co-produced and directed by Judd Apatow. It stars Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Eric

Inherently funny word - are funny. Casey Stengel, that's a funny name. Robert Taylor is not funny. Cupcake is funny. Tomato is not funny. Cookie is funny. Cucumber is funny. Car

Not Funny - "Not Funny" is the ninth episode in the twentieth season of the American animated television series South Park. The 276th episode of the series overall

Funny Lady - Funny Lady is a 1975 American biographical musical comedy-drama film directed by Herbert Ross and starring Barbra Streisand, James Caan, Omar Sharif,

Funny Girl (film) - Funny Girl is a 1968 American biographical musical comedy-drama film directed by William Wyler. The screenplay by Isobel Lennart was adapted from her

Funny or Die - Funny or Die is a comedy video website and film/television production company founded by Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Mark Kvamme, and Chris Henchy. The

Kinda Funny - Kinda Funny channel features comedy videos such as Kinda Funny: The Animated Series, as well as Kinda Funny's flagship podcast 'The Kinda Funny Podcast'

Funny Games - Funny Games may refer to: Funny Games (1997 film), an Austrian horror film Funny Games (2007 film), a shot-for-shot remake of the 1997 film by the same

Funny Girl - Funny Girl may refer to: Funny Girl (musical), 1964 Broadway musical with music by Jule Styne, lyrics by Bob Merrill and which starred Barbra Streisand

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

Funny quote Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong

Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong

love the life you live. live the life you love.

Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch.

Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.

Funny quote When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

This was said by gene wilder ... what does it mean ?

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.

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