HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick. — Ambrose Bierce
As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian. — Shelley Berman
People who do comedy are always underrated because they make it look so easy. — Jennifer Aniston
Comedians and impressionists used to be two different showbiz animals entirely, but now there's no such thing as a comedian who doesn't do impressions. — John Podhoretz
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense. — Alan Moore
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. — Sid Caesar
Short Comedian Quotes
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. — Steven Wright
In the dark times, if you have something to hold on to, which is yourself, you'll survive. — Whoopi Goldberg
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. — Chris Rock
I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly — Peter Cook
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. — Caroline Rhea
Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot. — Buster Keaton
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money. — Bob Hope
My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait." — Judy Tenuta
We're improv comedians, we're not necessarily actors, we don't come across that way. — Joe Gatto
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. — Jack E. Leonard
Comedian Image Quotes
Keep laughing. As long as you’re laughing you still have hope. — Moe Howard
We should never judge a day by its weather. — Dick Van Dyke
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us. — Stephen Colbert
Stand Up Comedian Quotes
The skill of a good actor is to make it always seem like you're in that fantastically spontaneous moment. Very often, a stand-up comedian has a different instinct, which is to reinvent. Once you've laid down some material, and made them laugh, you move on and find some new material. — Colin Firth
Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself. — Patton Oswalt
Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners. — Camille Anna Paglia
I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes. — Felipe Esparza
Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners. — Camille Paglia
I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy. — Gary Gulman
One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian is someone who can stand up in front of an audience and make you laugh. I've never done stand-up and I never will. I'm a comic actor. My comedy comes through my characters. — Eugene Levy
Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity. — Jim Butcher
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. — Dennis Miller
I don't make much distinction between being a stand-up comic and acting Shakespeare - in fact, unless you're a good comedian, you're never going to be able to play Hamlet properly. — Ian Mckellen
Female Comedian Quotes
If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. — Kristen Wiig
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?” — Tina Fey
Comedy is something that I'm definitely looking to get into. I had a little taste of it and I do intend on going to classes for it because I think it's a different muscle, and it's hard to find female comedians. — Ashley Greene
Its really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, I usually dont like female comedians, but your material is great! It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know? — Chelsea Peretti
I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade. — Miranda Hart
The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. — Rita Rudner
I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame. — Ellen DeGeneres
I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. — Rita Rudner
I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it. — Rita Rudner
I try not to focus on politics too much - I would never be described as a hugely political woman - but the fact of the matter is, just me being a female, immigrant, stand-up comedian, single-mother ... that is political. We still live in a world where a woman with a voice is a political gesture. — Katherine Ryan
Stand Up Comedy Quotes
I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you're out... I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter. — Jim Jefferies
It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me. — Daniel Tosh
I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos. — Joy Behar
I just love entertaining. I will do anything - stand-up comedy, video games, fencing, internet shorts - I just want to keep being lucky enough to entertain people anyway I can. I try never to limit my art to a medium. — Matthew Gray Gubler
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran
Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it. — Sam Kinison
I hate being mean. I watch those roasts on Comedy Central and they make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. — Downtown Julie Brown
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy. — Zach Galifianakis
When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour - it's a big difference. It's annoying - your feet hurt, your back hurts - it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy. — Joe Rogan
I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you. — Dylan Moran
Comedic Quotes
I have comedic things in my stuff, but I don’t consider myself a comedian. I’m just a YouTuber, I guess just a personality. — Ryan Higa
No matter what I have to say, I'm still trying to say it in comedic form. — Harold Ramis
I'm always the guy on tour that tries to get guys chatting and a lot of banter back and forth so I definitely feel that a lot of bodybuilders have that comedic side in them, they're just a little bit more introverted. — Phil Heath
I'd probably be better in an action role and even a more comedic role as I find myself pretty hilarious. — Phil Heath
I'd rather get a good clean laugh with good material, than an easy laugh by swearing or shocking. That's not clever or comedic, anybody can get a laugh that way, it's too easy. — Jim Dale
As the 1960s began, a new breed of Hollywood leading lady was emerging. She was elegant, international, and wonderfully comedic. — Maureen O'Hara
If you look at anything, there are always comedic moments. — Bradley Cooper
When you are honest in your comedy, you have to acknowledge the world that you're in. Through a comedic voice you're talking about what needs to be talked about, whether it's race relations or politics or anything that's happening on a global or an American scale. — Trevor Noah
We're all real people with moments of intense honesty and pathos and humanity. We all experience that, whether you're comedic or not. — Bob Odenkirk
We're barely a prank show, in my opinion. We don't consider it that, we don't call our stuff pranks. The challenges that we do are more social experiments that put each other in awkward situations. — Joe Gatto
I was drafted and went to Korea where I had an opportunity to create a production team that did dramatic and comedy shows. I had also done a little disc jockeying. — Casey Kasem
That's really what 'Jokers' is - an improv show. — James Murray
Jokers' is an improv show in disguise. — James Murray
With the show itself, we try to think of new and different ways to make each other laugh, while enjoying what we're doing. — Joe Gatto
We even say a lot of the times, we'll put our own filter on. We'll rein each other in when somebody's out there. If we see somebody's getting mad we'll change the direction on purpose. Cause that's not what our show is. It's not getting people upset. It's making each other laugh. — Joe Gatto
The thing that we like about our show is that it's our take on a kind of format. It's a hidden camera comedy show where we don't even call it a 'prank show' because we're made to fool each other and our friends. — Joe Gatto
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey
Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get to work with so many different people who come in to host the show and you get thrown into so many situations and learn how to think on your feet, so filmmaking actually feels slow, in a good way. — Will Ferrell
When I was in third grade I taught myself ventriloquism... What's hard is to learn to be an entertainer and make people laugh. I was a few years out of college before I felt I had enough material. Then in 1988 I moved to L.A. and started to do some shows at comedy clubs. — Jeff Dunham
Stand-up Quotes
What my campaign is about is a political revolution - millions of people standing up and saying, enough is enough. Our government belongs to all of us, and not just the hand full of billionaires. — Bernie Sanders
Learning to stand in somebody else's shoes, to see through their eyes, that's how peace begins. And it's up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world. — Barack Obama
When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again. — Albert Einstein
When the people stand up, imperialism trembles. — Thomas Sankara
Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else. — Maya Angelou
One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. — Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing. — Lewis Grizzard
Stand up like a mountain; have faith like a rock; love like an avalanche — Bob Goff
Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up. — Jackie Chan
Comedy Clubs Quotes
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed. — Bill Burr
Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious. — Mitch Hedberg
I LOVE THE COMEDY CLUBS AND THE CLOSENESS OF THE CROWD. HOWEVER THE MORE YA DO THE BIG ROOMS THEY START TO BECOME YOUR HOME AS WELL AND YOU ADJUST TO THE SURROUNDINGS. I LOVE THEM BOTH. I MISS THE CLUBS BUT THATS WHAT YA WORK FOR TO DO THE BIG ROOMS! — Larry the Cable Guy
Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience. — Doug Stanhope
If I had to perform in a comedy club I would bomb; I would be trying too hard. — Henry Rollins
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a different animal. People are being served nachos and there's a blender going off in the background. — Brian Regan
I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments. — Bo Burnham
If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor, you can't go - I guess there's forms of it. — Louis C. K.
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday. — Rodney Dangerfield
It is easier for a man to be loyal to his club than to his planet; the bylaws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other members. — E. B. White
Comic Relief Quotes
The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing. — Jo Brand
I'm an actor, and I don't look at myself as providing comic relief. I have done diverse and dark roles such as a psycho, murderer, and others in films such as 'Don', 'Eklavya' and '3 Idiots.' — Boman Irani
I didn't realize House would be the central character, more the bitter comic relief appearing occasionally. I relish his wounded nature - the lameness, the scarred Byronic hero. — Hugh Laurie
With an endless assortment of children and animals living under one roof, there was always some absurd crisis that gave comic relief to my problems. — Sally Jessy Raphael
I'm sort of the comic relief after a hard day at work. My message is that it's OK to relax — Larry King
I did try when I wasn't doing the singing to do as much comedy as I could because I thought with Comic Relief you are duty bound to anyway. — Jo Brand
If I'm not mistaken, I think Data was the comic relief on the show. — Brent Spiner
We have to do a film parody for Comic Relief. We can't decide which film to parody at the moment. Any ideas welcome, but not Spiderman owing to costume being too tight. — Dawn French
We're kind of the comic relief of this movie because most of the stories are very dark. And that's why these plays were so great, because it's such a dark, dark universe that it becomes funny because it's just too pathetic. — Caroline Dhavernas
I found a great deal of relief and excitement watching comics when I was very young. My grandmother was very into them and so was my grandfather. They had a profound effect on me, so I just found myself watching comedians on the after-school shows: Merv Griffin and that kind of stuff. — Marc Maron
Sketch Comedy Quotes
We did sketch comedy, performed live improv, and then we made the transition to TV with 'Impractical Jokers.' — Joe Gatto
I wanted to be an English teacher. I wanted to do it for the corduroy jackets with patches on the side. When I got to college, as I was walking across campus one day, I ripped off a little flyer for this sketch-comedy group. It ended up being one of the greatest things I've ever done. — John Krasinski
We're an improv group and a sketch comedy group called the Tenderloins, that's our alter ego. — James Murray
There's sketch, improv, writing, acting, music, and badminton. Those are the seven forms of comedy. — T. J. Miller
That's what I love about sketch comedy: a sketch is five minutes, then it goes dark, and there's the potential for something else. — Jason Sudeikis
There's this other world where all comedians want to do is make funny videos. Typically what's happened in the past is that a comedian gets a standup career and over the course of 20 years builds it up to the point where Comedy Central gives them a sketch show. — Gavin McInnes
Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there seems to be this jewel, this sort of two headed tradition of doing comedy, of doing sketches, and that kind of thing. — Rowan Atkinson
I was very serene, and I still am, until I start talking in another voice, then suddenly I have a lot of volume and I'm frantic. But I didn't want to be one of those people who's always talking in accents in real life, so I started doing sketch comedy. — Kate McKinnon
If you look at any successful skit comedy show, ever, there is that format of introducing you to the player in the beginning, and then going on to see those sketches. — Keegan-Michael Key
Nobody wants to see sketch comedy that's the same sketch they've seen time and time again, or that's just a rehash of that thing. — Jordan Peele
Standup Quotes
The most memorable performance was my appearance in concert in Carnegie Hall. The first standup to do so. — Shelley Berman
I'm fascinated by mankind. I grew up watching 'Candid Camera' and thought it was funnier than any standup, any joke, anything that could possibly be written because you're dealing with humanity. And people can relate to that. It touches everybody who sees it. It hits a nerve. — Howie Mandel
I tell the stories in front of audiences and wait for something to happen. It's similar to a standup comic doing his schtick for an audience. — Robert Munsch
As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room. — Lea DeLaria
When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid. — Ray Romano
Unquestionably, standup comedy is and has always been an art form. — Shelley Berman
I come to Maui and go surfing, standup paddling, slacklining, swimming, and free-diving. — Julia Mancuso
I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded. — John Mulaney
I follow K-1 closely and also train Ray Sefo. My heart is with K-1 and I love the sport of standup kickboxing. — Shawn Tompkins
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. — Joe Rogan
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! — Billy Connolly
It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any. — Hugh Laurie
When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me. — Andy Griffith
I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out. — John Fugelsang
I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines. — Michael Ian Black
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape. — Doug Stanhope
There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it. — Jim Jefferies
The three toughest fighters I ever fought were Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Robinson. I fought Sugar so many times, I'm surprised I'm not diabetic. — Jake LaMotta
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution. — Andy Borowitz
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor. — Rich Hall
Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there. — Bob Newhart
I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me. — Tracee Ellis Ross
Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean? — Nipsey Russell
I got booed off the stage one time. This was in a University in Florida. The students didn't know that I had to come back out 6 more times, because I was hosting the show. They just thought that I was a comedian opening the show. — Theo Von
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg. — Ricky Gervais
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. — Joan Rivers
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked. — Andy Borowitz
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. — Louis C. K.
Putin the poseur on horseback is hiding in his remote bunker, while Zelensky, the former comedian, is risking his life on the frontline. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun. — Andy Borowitz
Men who think deeply appear to be comedians in their dealings with others because they always have to feign superficiality in order to be understood. — Friedrich Nietzsche
Comedy is downstream of culture, so the job of comedy, in my opinion, is to always be responding to the things that are wrong with society in that moment. Most people say that the job of the comedian is to make people laugh, yes it is but is that all? I don’t think so. I think comedians should be saying: this is what the mainstream narrative is, and here are the holes in it. Comedians should be trying to take society forward, and they should be always pushing back against the mainstream because the mainstream is the authority. Whereas what’s happening now is that you have a culture where comedians are essentially buying into mainstream culture. They are the woke ones; they are the super-woke. Comedians are super-woke. I am massively hated by many people in the comedy world because I’m not. So I’ll have plenty to talk about – no problem there! — Konstantin Kisin
I could be a comedian. I could be a gangster. I could play all of those parts, even for the first time... I'm versatile. — Lil Boosie
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. — Andy Borowitz
While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window. — Jim Norton
There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out. — Sam Kinison
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. — Andy Borowitz
The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter. — Zero Mostel
It's not all about acting. It's about giving an art of entertainment to humanity. — Sean Berdy
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